Cause Breakin' Up Is Still Hard To Do

[Valentine]

I cried so hard that I literally threw up. I made the biggest idiot out of myself tonight.
Doesn't this ever get easier?

[powerfulcheese04]

*hugs Nicole*

No, not really. It hurts a lot every time. But each time you heal. You'll heal.

*hugs*

[Petra456]

*hugs*

You're tough, you'll get though this.

[Valentine]

*hugs* Thanks you two. I've been so miserable and sick today, I didn't leave bed once...
I feel bipolar. I'll be sad for a bit, then angry, then I'm fine for a few hours...Then I'm alone again, and I get sad...It just sort of repeats over and over...
It hurts really badly that, after a year and a few months together, he still doesn't forgive me for the fights I've caused. And yet, when I have an issue with something he's doing, if I can't be over it in 2 weeks, he breaks up with me. And what HE was doing really pretty much felt like cheating to me...It was just so wrong...*sigh*

[locke]

*hugs* hope you're feeling less sick tomorrow.

[LilBee91]

*mega-bump*

We haven't broken up. At least not yet. But he brought up "taking a break." I'm going to be gone next week in DC, so I convinced him to hold off on a decision until I get back, just to see if we just need some time apart, or if we need to actually call it quits. I told him if he needs time to figure out his issues, I'll do what it takes. But, goodness, I don't want to lose him. This isn't how I wanted this to end...

[elfprince13]

*mega-bump*

We haven't broken up. At least not yet. But he brought up "taking a break." I'm going to be gone next week in DC, so I convinced him to hold off on a decision until I get back, just to see if we just need some time apart, or if we need to actually call it quits. I told him if he needs time to figure out his issues, I'll do what it takes. But, goodness, I don't want to lose him. This isn't how I wanted this to end...

I've never seen "taking time apart" actually help anything....take the time to talk to each other and figure out the actual problems are.

[hive_king]

It started off as me comforting a friend after a bad break up, then I admit that I had always had feelings for her... before you know it, we're dating. Then it's been a year. Then we move in together. Two years... now here I am.

I think I've reached the point where I'm ready to break up with my girl-friend... It's not the easiest thing to explain why, since so much of this happens in the lower levels of the brain, but I'll try. Firstly, a good part of it is how serious and settled things have become. I mean, I'm only 21. I've been with Vicki since I was 19. We've become the majority of eachother's time, and being in a relationship with her, especially since she's so clingy, makes it so hard for me to really go out and live life! I mean, I can't really travel without causing a big deal, I can't really just go and spend days out couch-surfing with all my old friends, Just things like this add up, ya know? She's 26, and a lot more sedate person than me, I think she's ready to lead a quiet life. I'm not.

Secondly, I do have to wondr if we're really all that great a match. We probably get into a disagreement every other day. We don't fight or yell, we're not those kinds of people, but we squabble a lot.

I know I had many other thoughts and reasons catagorized, but all of a sudden, I don't know how to put them...

My question, old friends, is how do I even do it? I mean, how do you tell someone that after years of knowing eachother and dating, it's over? To say nothing of untangling our stuff, or course, and having to move out, this is going to be fun. Any advice? I know she'll take it hard.




I thought this emo s*** was for people who didn't have hats.

[anonshadow]

Honestly, people taking it hard is a reason to be as gentle as possible, not to put it off. I've put off breakups far longer than I should have, and it was a bad idea.

I'd try to figure out what problems there are, and state them--but be very, very clear that you aren't asking her to change them, and that you feel like it's just done (because it is, right)?

I would, however, recommend figuring out an alternate living arrangement before you bring it up.

[LilBee91]

*bump*

Well, it's over. We were going to play the long distance game until we made it to a year, but I guess not. Why did I get myself into this mess?

[powerfulcheese04]

*hugs*


I hate seeing this thread get bumped!

I hope you heal quickly and well, LilBee... but I'm around if you want to talk!

[Gravity Defier]

*hugs* I'm sorry, Shannon. I hope you feel comfortable enough to talk about it if you need/want to but even if you don't, as Kim said, I hope the healing process is a quick one.


ETA: If you ever want, I can also give my phone number and/or AIM for talking, too. But no pressure there. Whatever you need.

[Brian]

wow, seems like you guys are a tight group here on pweb. It also seems awkward asking random strangers for help but... here i go.

I don't know how to do it, this will be my first time having to break up with a girlfriend, she is only my second one, but i don't know what to do. I love/loved but we never hang out and when we are together nothing happens, i take that back, i show afection towards her but i get nothing in return. I want to be with someone that shows me that they love me, not just tell me.
so, any suggestions?

[Aesculapius]

I can't say I know how you feel because I've never been in that situation, but I'd like to say....don't break up just yet!!!!

Maybe you can talk and work something out? I mean, maybe something's going on in her life and it's hard for her to talk about? But if you do end up wanting to break up with her then...well, there's no 'easy' way, really, but I suppose the best way would be to explain. Everything. And don't sound like you're accusing her of anything. Be nice and understanding. And try to make sure she knows that you feel sad about it.

That's just my opinion, anyways. I'd like a guy to explain exactly what the problem is. Or else you're just left wondering what happened and that makes you feel like crap.

Hope that helps!

[Brian]

It has, thank you.

I have thought long and hard. This convorsation is going to suck soooooo much, oh well, it needs to be done.

[powerfulcheese04]

How long have you been dating her? I thought you said somewhere else you've never actually managed to go out on a date.

It sounds to me like maybe you've been moving too fast in the declaration of feelings department for her. I mean, if you haven't even been together, really, how can you be in love?

[Brian]

its been at least two months now and well its just been sraining, we are more friends than anything else. honestly i can't say anything for sure about moving to fast. i used to love her. i'll be glad when this is all over

[Aesculapius]

Well, maybe you should still talk to her? That's what I do. But, I suppose you know best. Just make sure to be nice!

[Brian]

well the deed is done. she took it hard, i feel like crap. i know i'll get over it and she will too.
doesn't make it feel any better.

[Aesculapius]

It's okay. Try not to think about too much and eat lots of chocolate

You're right, you'll get over it, and she will too, but it takes time and it's gonna be hard. But, in the long run, things are good, right? Try to occupy your time by doing something you love. And keep posting.

[Brian]

thanks, i will.

[Jeesh_girl15]

Yesssss, let Pweb heeeeaaaal youuuuuu... Come, Brian, come Oh, it works, alright, yes it does... The friendly people... Thanks everyone... Good luck.

[LilBee91]

I guess I should give some updates, just so you concerned don't think I've drowned in self-pity and died or something.

Basically we broke up due to religious differences. We both knew it would be an issue eventually, but usually just avoided the subject. It wasn't supposed to be a big deal, because we weren't supposed to get serious enough for it to matter. But, you know, life never works out so simply.

I told him that I didn't see a way we could work it out--we're both too stubborn and too young to really make any huge commitments. After a few days of thinking and random chatter, he said we should probably end it, and that I had to do it (because, according to his logic, if he broke up with me, he'd just end up coming back anyway). That was probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. And then he decided that his way of getting over me would be complete cut off--no talking, texting, facebook. (seeing each other being practically impossible anyway, being 2000ish miles apart). We were friends for three years before we started dating, and losing that so completely was terrifying. Needless to say, I was a complete wreck all that night and the next day. I managed to make it through school without breaking down (calculus and chemistry are great distractions), but I had to bury my phone in my locker so I wouldn't check it out of foolish hope every five minutes.

And then he randomly texted me, asking me how I was doing. First, I was pissed because I thought my friends had guilt-tripped him into it. But apparently we both felt like crap of our own accord. So, after a little discussion, and a bit of fight (which we hardly ever did while dating--that could explain a lot) we decided we could still stay in contact and try to just be friends. It's worked out fairly okay so far. Our arguments are minimal, and in comparison to the total abandonment I was facing initially, this is almost blissful.

I don't know if I could say I'm healed--it still hurts to think about how things aren't as they once were--but long distance does have its advantages. Our behavior isn't really all that different than it was when I first left. I don't know how things will be when I go home for Christmas. He asked today if I'd be willing to go on a date with him, which I accepted--how that's going to go, or what on earth he is thinking, I have no idea, but that's a whole other can of worms.

It still kind of sucks, though. We both still love each other, and he claims he would marry me, but there's just this whole part of us that the other just can't get. I mean, we understand each other's views fairly well, we just don't see why the other is so sure they're right. I, for one, don't want that kind of misunderstanding/ignorance/whatever in my future, which makes things complicated.

There is a small part of me that wishes he had kept me completely cut off so we could just get on with life. But when every word from him makes me smile, it's hard to let that go.

So that's my long-winded tale. It's all very confusing to me, and I have no idea how things are going to turn out, but I can only hope for the best, and just focus on the here and now. Which probably won't happen, but a girl can dream.

[Gravity Defier]

I'll go ahead and restrain myself in the opinions department for the time being (what the hell do I know, anyway?) but thanks for sharing, Shannon. I know that sounds kind of lame, in a 12 Steps, AA sort of way but I mean it.

[Brian]

I know it already happened but...

I get the whole college relationship thing, we could only see each other on the weekends due to scheduling, but in the 2 months that we were together she only tried to contact me twice, and that was online. We were only alone together twice, not so that we could do things to each other but just to be together (i'm not saying nothing happened ). She never even tryed to plan a date or get-together, and managed to find a reason to not go to the ones i planned.

If i could explain this it might make a little more sence to her but once i mentioned i wanted to end it she exploded and didn't want to talk to me ever again and hates me now.

I wonder if its better that way...

[Jayelle]

I'm so sorry Shannon, that sounds really rough. I can relate to that on again/off again type relationship and the relgious differences - I had that with an ex. It can be really hard to break ties, but healthy too, so you can see what you're like without them.

[Aesculapius]

I hate this. I feel like crap. No break ups or anything, but I really do just feel like kuso.

[Aesculapius]

So I just broke up with my long-distance boyfriend of about 4 years. Things weren't really going well, and so I decided to end it. He's not taking it very well and I don't really know what to do. He has something of mine and he's not willing to give it back, or talk, or anything for that matter. It's really frustrating.

[Peterlover14]

Aw. I'm sorry Aes. I can't even imagine...

[locke]

godammit when you make plans for eight and nine months away you get my hopes up that this time will be different. still f****** cursed to never enjoy a relationship longer than three months.

[Jayelle]

That sucks, Adam. I'm sorry.

*hugs*

[starlooker]

*hugs*

I'm so sorry.

[steph]

Boo!

[powerfulcheese04]

Oh, Adam! Boo!

[Gravity Defier]

Ugh, Adam, I hate seeing you go through this (which does not mean don't talk to me about it). I know there's that void that it feels like she alone can fill, so other people stepping in will be both comforting and obnoxious ("You're not her"), but if you ever need/want some comforting obnoxiousness, I'm here.