Cause Breakin' Up Is Still Hard To Do

[Jayelle]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

[Wind Swept]

Thanks, Jan. I talked it all out with her, and we're still friends, and if something changes in the future, it changes. In the meantime, I'm just going to do the best to forget what an idiot I've been for the last several months.

[Wil]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

Silly menz <.<

SILLY HUMANZ <.>

[Syphon the Sun]

To make anyone feeling down about a recent breakup feel a tad bit better:

My best friend was dating a girl for three years. We'd suspected that she had cheated on him after about a year, but there was never any concrete evidence. They split up for a few months, but wound up back together, mostly because she was pushing very hard for them to get back together. Well, great. She'd been dating the guy we had suspected she was cheating on my best friend with during those months. So, whatever, he finally submits and gives it another whirl. She drops the other guy and la de da, another year rolls by. Then, the guy that we suspected she was cheating on him with gets cancer. A completely curable cancer, mind you. His girlfriend was still friends with the guy, so of course she wants to be there for him during the treatment. Well, great, whatever. She has a job shadowing opportunity in Chicago, which is where he'll be treated. My friend gives his blessing for her to go spend the next few months up there and sends his prayers towards the guy. Okay, so, a few months later, the guy dies. The completely curable cancer wasn't completely curable, I guess. And, as it turns out, the girl didn't have any job shadowing opportunities, she just wanted to be there for him. Well, okay, that's weird that she'd lie about that, but whatever. She's going through a rough spot with her friend dying (something the two of us know all too well, as one of our friends committed suicide only months after we graduated high school), so he wants to be there for her. So, he spends the night, comforts her, all that jazz.

Next morning: he's sitting at the table, reading the paper. Oh, it's the guy's obituary. And... guess who his girlfriend was engaged to? Yeah. He had to find out that she truly was cheating on him through an obituary.

Oh, and she was also sleeping with her car salesman. Which he discovered through Myspace.

[puppets]

Okay I'm gonna sum up my sucks to be you all shout out in an easy way that applies to everyone.

*Sucks to want someone who doesn't want you.
*Sucks to find out your gf cheated on you through and obituary.
*Sucks to have to go through a divorce after 3 years of marriage.
*Sucks to have a uncaring "other" who used you.
*Sucks to have your other turn gay on you. :B (thats mine)
*Sucks to go through any breakup really.
*Sucks to drive so many miles only to find out they cheated on you (also mine :B)
*Sucks to have the one you want, want someone else.
*Sucks when they say robots make better boyfriends.
*Basically, relationships suck don't they?

I guess it is nice to be in love, but honestly, how often does it work out? We have lets say 10 failures in relationships, 1 success in the end. A success is still a success, but I still don't like the odds. Especially with me being American, and nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. Yay for great odds and hope.

Would you bet all your money for a 50% chance of doubling it? I'm not sure I would.

[locke]

We ended up spending six hours on a watching movies on a Saturday in September, and have been "actual" friends from there on in. After about a month, having spent most of it hanging out together, I called her up and asked her out. I received the incredibly ambiguous response, "Um.. That was quick... No.. Um... Not yet. No."

I'm quite happy just being her friend, but it's been sitting in the back of my mind that, you know, maybe eventually... And as time has gone by, that little seed of hope planted by, "Not yet," has been growing, despite my best efforts to tell it to shut the hell up.

And now, after several days of building up to it, we had the conversation that I thought would be her admitting that maybe more than a friendship would be worth a shot. Unfortunately, it turned out to be a conversation in which she revealed to me that she's had a crush on some other guy for over a year now.

Which sucks.

I hate it when this happens, err happened, to me.

[locke]

1 success in the end. A success is still a success, but I still don't like the odds.

most of the successful marraiges/relationships I know from my own generation were all people that didn't really date a lot or have different relationships or any of that jazz. So I've sort of given up entirely on dating, I'm waiting for a relationship to form because I just find the process of dating awkward and unsatisfying. plus I don't think something will really happen for me for two or three years yet and I'm okay with that. dating and short term relationships just make me frustrated and bitter, more at myself than anything because I know from the beginning it wasn't going to work out long term. :p

[Wil]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

Thought about this some more... and while I still hold that humans are just silly apes, I have more to add.

While I have no doubt it happens on BOTH sides of the field, I think it safe to say that it happens more often where the male is stuck getting friend-zoned. Probably an ignorant thing to say, and will most likely cause tons of HOOPALAH, but while males may have a more.. illogical mind.. we're more conscious and aware of our emotions. Most men can feel something and know what it is, why it's there, and what it means. We analyze and we fix things. As locke said above, we can usually tell if it's going to work out on the first date or not.

While not all men are like this, it is significantly different than how a women operates. A woman is more... absent minded in a sense. It generally takes women longer to make decisions or understand the decisions they have already unconsciously made in regards to emotional circumstances. A new emotion can go unnoticed for quite a while before the conscious connection is made. Women are.. slower at understanding emotional changes in response to changing situations.

Because of that, it's more common for a guy to be friend-zoned than it is for a women. Also, I'm sure you could throw some crap up here about how guys will screw anything with a hole... but let us not go there.

So I've sort of given up entirely on dating, I'm waiting for a relationship to form because I just find the process of dating awkward and unsatisfying.

I'm with you. Too much work for so much uncertainty. Plus, I'm exceptionally picky so when I decide to let someone in then they're something special and I've learned that it's easier to let someone in than to later get them out if things don't work out. A risk I'm less willing to take now.

[zeroguy]

I guess it is nice to be in love, but honestly, how often does it work out? We have lets say 10 failures in relationships, 1 success in the end. A success is still a success, but I still don't like the odds. Especially with me being American, and nearly 50% of marriages end in divorce in America. Yay for great odds and hope.

Would you bet all your money for a 50% chance of doubling it? I'm not sure I would.

I wouldn't be so morbid. Just because someone isn't the someone you spend the rest of your life with doesn't make it a complete failure. I was broken up with back in high school and was hit a little hard by it, but I'd call the experience as a whole a net gain.

And divorces aren't always that horrible. Not that I would personally know, but some friends' divorced parents seem at least civil and downright friendly to each other, still.

[Derwyddon]

And divorces aren't always that horrible. Not that I would personally know, but some friends' divorced parents seem at least civil and downright friendly to each other, still.

That's how Erika's father and I have been and hope to be in the future.

[Virlomi]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

Thought about this some more... and while I still hold that humans are just silly apes, I have more to add.

While I have no doubt it happens on BOTH sides of the field, I think it safe to say that it happens more often where the male is stuck getting friend-zoned. Probably an ignorant thing to say, and will most likely cause tons of HOOPALAH, but while males may have a more.. illogical mind.. we're more conscious and aware of our emotions. Most men can feel something and know what it is, why it's there, and what it means. We analyze and we fix things. As locke said above, we can usually tell if it's going to work out on the first date or not.

While not all men are like this, it is significantly different than how a women operates. A woman is more... absent minded in a sense. It generally takes women longer to make decisions or understand the decisions they have already unconsciously made in regards to emotional circumstances. A new emotion can go unnoticed for quite a while before the conscious connection is made. Women are.. slower at understanding emotional changes in response to changing situations.

Because of that, it's more common for a guy to be friend-zoned than it is for a women. Also, I'm sure you could throw some crap up here about how guys will screw anything with a hole... but let us not go there.
.

Wow...

if you're going to be generalizing and misogynistic, at least get your stereotypes right.

[Derwyddon]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

Thought about this some more... and while I still hold that humans are just silly apes, I have more to add.

While I have no doubt it happens on BOTH sides of the field, I think it safe to say that it happens more often where the male is stuck getting friend-zoned. Probably an ignorant thing to say, and will most likely cause tons of HOOPALAH, but while males may have a more.. illogical mind.. we're more conscious and aware of our emotions. Most men can feel something and know what it is, why it's there, and what it means. We analyze and we fix things. As locke said above, we can usually tell if it's going to work out on the first date or not.

While not all men are like this, it is significantly different than how a women operates. A woman is more... absent minded in a sense. It generally takes women longer to make decisions or understand the decisions they have already unconsciously made in regards to emotional circumstances. A new emotion can go unnoticed for quite a while before the conscious connection is made. Women are.. slower at understanding emotional changes in response to changing situations.

Because of that, it's more common for a guy to be friend-zoned than it is for a women. Also, I'm sure you could throw some crap up here about how guys will screw anything with a hole... but let us not go there.

So I've sort of given up entirely on dating, I'm waiting for a relationship to form because I just find the process of dating awkward and unsatisfying.

I'm with you. Too much work for so much uncertainty. Plus, I'm exceptionally picky so when I decide to let someone in then they're something special and I've learned that it's easier to let someone in than to later get them out if things don't work out. A risk I'm less willing to take now.

This post was really dumb.

[Young Val]

Oh, as if guys don't do the same thing.

Thought about this some more... and while I still hold that humans are just silly apes, I have more to add.

While I have no doubt it happens on BOTH sides of the field, I think it safe to say that it happens more often where the male is stuck getting friend-zoned. Probably an ignorant thing to say, and will most likely cause tons of HOOPALAH, but while males may have a more.. illogical mind.. we're more conscious and aware of our emotions. Most men can feel something and know what it is, why it's there, and what it means. We analyze and we fix things. As locke said above, we can usually tell if it's going to work out on the first date or not.

While not all men are like this, it is significantly different than how a women operates. A woman is more... absent minded in a sense. It generally takes women longer to make decisions or understand the decisions they have already unconsciously made in regards to emotional circumstances. A new emotion can go unnoticed for quite a while before the conscious connection is made. Women are.. slower at understanding emotional changes in response to changing situations.

Because of that, it's more common for a guy to be friend-zoned than it is for a women. Also, I'm sure you could throw some crap up here about how guys will screw anything with a hole... but let us not go there.

So I've sort of given up entirely on dating, I'm waiting for a relationship to form because I just find the process of dating awkward and unsatisfying.

I'm with you. Too much work for so much uncertainty. Plus, I'm exceptionally picky so when I decide to let someone in then they're something special and I've learned that it's easier to let someone in than to later get them out if things don't work out. A risk I'm less willing to take now.

This post was really dumb.

Agreed.


Also, Wil, your understanding of "the friend zone" is seriously flawed.

[Eaquae Legit]

I agree with the above three ladies.

[Jayelle]

I'm 90% sure Wil doesn't actually know any women (who aren't related to him).

[Luet]

And I agree with all the other ladies. I mean, since when are men "more conscious and aware of [their] emotions." As Virlomi said, he pretty much had all the stereotypes backwards.

And Jayelle, he might know some women but in the same way that Dwight Schrute knows women.

[Derwyddon]

Andrew and I have been working out a custody agreement with erika, I'm actually really pleased with them so far. Not sure if I get to keep the van now, but I think I probably will. He actually talked to me like a normal human being today so that was interesting.

[Eddie Pinz]

Don't ever say the line "you deserve better". I hate that line. Why do I deserve better? What is better? Why don't I get any say in what I deserve? What if I don't want better? What if I want you? That is such a f****** bullshit excuse.

This has not actually happened recently, but as you can see, the anger is still there.

[Rei]

Wow... I'm with Jan, Jani, et al. That was impressively absurd and wrong.

[Eddie Pinz]

I don't think that it is more common on either side of the gender line to get "friend-zoned". I think it has to do with personality type to be honest. I used to get friend-zoned all the time. I was shy, overly nice, and timid among other things. And by overly nice I mean I probably would have walked through broken glass for a girl I liked. So, by the time I got enough courage to make a move. BAM! Friend zone. And I have friend-zoned some people basically for the same reason. I saw them as friends and then they make a move and it was a shock. So it definitely goes both ways. Since then I have loosened up a lot. I no longer get friend-zoned. Because if I see someone I like, I make a move. I get shot down a lot more, but hey that is the price you have to pay.


Back to break ups, this one kinda makes me laugh now. There was this girl that I hooked up with for a couple months. I knew the deal. She breaks up with her long time boyfriend ever couple of months, finds someone else for a while, then goes back to the bf. So I wasn't going to jump into a relationship with her. We were just having some fun. Said borfriend was stationed in Texas. She started the relationship talk so I said what the hey. Fast foward a couple of months. The bf comes home for a week, she cannot be contacted. I break up with her after she makes some pretty lame excuses. All the while her myspace says she is back together him. Confront her. She denies it, says that she just needs space. I tell her I am done with her period (friendship and all) and that I met someone else. She flips. A week later she is engaged. A couple months later she is married. I laughed. So much for space. At the time it wasn't so fun, but now I think that it is funny as hell.

[Wil]

Elohel- You (mostly women) people need to stop being so harsh. Seriously. What was that, five insults? Six? No counter-argument? Damn guys. Could you guys get any more rude on this? If you're going to make a post at all you should at least take the time to construct a decent counter-post. I thought we've been over this! If I'm wrong, correct me! If I'm missing something, tell me! The majority of replies to my post were useless and, quite honestly, made the lot of you seem like assholes. At least Eddie Pinz took the time post a more thought out response without insulting me! Good job! *thumbs up*

I actually agree with Eddie Pinz where it's probably based completely on maturity and personality.

[locke]

although Wil mentioned me in his soon to be legendary post I disavow all connection to him and thoroughly disagree. **hides behind a rock**

[locke]

Don't ever say the line "you deserve better". I hate that line. Why do I deserve better? What is better? Why don't I get any say in what I deserve? What if I don't want better? What if I want you? That is such a f****** bullshit excuse.

This has not actually happened recently, but as you can see, the anger is still there.

QFT

I don't think that it is more common on either side of the gender line to get "friend-zoned". I think it has to do with personality type to be honest. I used to get friend-zoned all the time. I was shy, overly nice, and timid among other things. And by overly nice I mean I probably would have walked through broken glass for a girl I liked. So, by the time I got enough courage to make a move. BAM! Friend zone. And I have friend-zoned some people basically for the same reason. I saw them as friends and then they make a move and it was a shock. So it definitely goes both ways. Since then I have loosened up a lot. I no longer get friend-zoned. Because if I see someone I like, I make a move. I get shot down a lot more, but hey that is the price you have to pay.

One of the great tragedies of our generation is how damn long it takes nerds and geeks to learn this lesson. The real difference between the people in high school who dated and those who didn't are that there are guys that figured this out when they were twelve, thirteen. some of the rest of us don't figure it out until we're twentytwo twentythree.

[Derwyddon]

only insecure people take friendly ribbing as insults.

[Wil]

only insecure people take friendly ribbing as insults.

Friendly ribbing? What are you, a condom?

[Syphon the Sun]

I tell her I am done with her period.

*giggles*

[starlooker]

While I might agree with you about replying to people's posts under normal circumstances, Wil, I must say that misogyny disguised as bad pop-psychology doesn't really require counterargument.

Especially when the person is someone who repeatedly uses a phrase like "silly womenz."

[Wil]

*holds up a white flag*

[Claire]

Wil is the new Eriador.

[Wind Swept]

My apologies to everyone that my post inspired this conversation.

[Jayelle]

Wil, not cool. There will be no boiling down of complex problems to "silly women", especially when people are confessing them in a heartfelt way. Take your judgment elsewhere.

And about your other post - the reason everyone just gave few word responses is because your claims were so outlandishly stereotyped and deeply untrue. Saying that all women or all men are exactly alike is offensive and saying that women are the ones who are out of touch with their emotions is just... wrong.

[starlooker]

Wil, for the record, I did not, in fact, drink. If you're going to boil my story down to be insulting while you're complaining about being insulted, at least get the facts straight.

I never said you were insecure or shouldn't be annoyed by the insults, that was Der. What I said that was your post was misogynistic and full of s*** and you shouldn't expect people to take that seriously, especially coming from someone who likes that bullshit phrase. And I appreciate your proving my point.

[Wil]

Okay, you're right, that was out of line. I apologize.

I don't hate just women, I hate men too! I hate everyone, including myself, equally! So, calling me misogynistic is so uncalled for.

[Borommakot_15]

Wil is the new Eriador.

I know Wil is being a bit of a... he isn't being nice, smart, or fair...

But, um... that is almost too much.

:stonedkermit

[zeroguy]

But, um... that is almost too much.

Hey, I'll admit, I was thinking it. It's just that standards can get lower for insults when certain people aren't around....

I will say it's possible guys are more often in the "friend zone" than girls. It seems like guys more often have the "brilliant strategy" to befriend a girl to get close to her, instead of actually asking her out. The guy thinks that if he's a good friend or whatever for a long enough time, they'll become close and it'll follow that they start going out, or something. Instead, they get stuck in the friend zone. (The "nice guy" thing.)

There's at least one or two comics I've seen that say something about this, but I can't remember what they were... I wanna say Something*Positive or Ctrl-Alt-Del, or some other comic I don't follow...

Edit: Ah, here it is. There's probably others, though.