got problems? (the non bob advice thread)

[Gravity Defier]

So here's my thing...would you be at all happy watching someone else's child? Forget the money, money isn't worth it if you're miserable or dread facing the day.

I say decline the nanny gig and wait out the library.

[Young Val]

I agree, it sounds like the money would be welcome and helpful, but is not 100% NEEDED. As in, you can manage food, shelter, clothing, etc in your current situation (this is just my assumption). If you weren't able to meet those basic needs, then money becomes the front runner. "I need this money because without it we cannot survive. Therefore it doesn't matter what the job is, whether or not I want to do it. I have to take it, because without it we can't survive."

If it's not a matter of survival, bring in lots of other factors to help you decide. Will this be stressful? Is the stress worth the money? If your job makes you unhappy it deeply deeply impacts all other areas of your life. I know this from experience. While on the surface it may just feel like you're turning down money that you could definitely use, there is a lot more to it than that. It's about the quality of your life, which can't solely be assessed in monetary terms.

(Stick with the library!)

[Syphon the Sun]

If it's not a matter of survival, bring in lots of other factors to help you decide.

Agree with this 100 percent. It's not all about the Benjamins. (Or whatever crazy thing you have on your Canadian money.)

How much do you value doing what you love? If you took this job, how much of an impact will it have on getting that dream job in the future? How much do you value the flexibility you have with the library? If you hadn't been offered it, would you have looked for that kind of job? Which would make you happier? What kind of work makes you want to get up in the morning?

All important questions.

[Rei]

Forget the money, money isn't worth it if you're miserable or dread facing the day.

I'm sorry, that phrase really bothers me. I have spent far too much time living below the poverty line to believe it and the only way we can afford to eat and have shelter is because I work a damned job that I hate because it's the only damn job I can get that will just barely pay the bills. It pays less than a living wage for ONE person, nevermind the three it's supporting. If it's possible to keep the dream job without too much excess hardship, that is great and go for that. But there is nothing wrong with making the decision to take the job that will make affording to live easier/possible.

[Gravity Defier]

Um, perhaps you are taking that a little too personally. Jan can afford to not work a job she hates if she doesn't want to. I've had to work a job I hated because I had to so I'm not championing selectivity in all cases. I never once said it is wrong to work a job you hate if it's a matter of survival. In this case it's apparently not so I don't feel bad at all for suggesting what I did.

[Jayelle]

Thank you so much for your advice, everyone. This afternoon, I finally got called in for several shifts at the library this month, so that made that job feel a bit more real. I think I'll turn down the nanny job, or at least ask if I could be co-nannies with another person for a couple days a week.

There's just so many complications to accepting this job and I don't think it's worth the -sob- tons more money it would give us.

[LilBee91]

Co-nannying seems much more manageable to me. If that's an option. And yay for shifts at the library!

[Gravity Defier]

Co-nannying seems much more manageable to me. If that's an option. And yay for shifts at the library!

All of this. What perfect timing on the library's/ies' part(s).

[starlooker]

I hear you, Brent.

[Gravity Defier]

Sorry but I'm failing to understand what I said that was so wrong it earned Rei's reaction and Kirsten's support.

If Ali or Rei -or Kirsten or D, for that matter- had a job that allowed them to make it from month to month, not suffering but also not being well off, and the other had an option between two jobs, one being one they loved but made less in and was less consistent, and the other that was something not trained in and had been stated to potentially cause stress, would you really advise them to go for the one that caused stress and probably an amount of unhappiness just because others have it worse off?

I feel like my throat was jumped down for daring to say something that is true in Jan's case and not in Ali/Rei or Kirsten/D's case. The two situations aren't comparable.

I'm not making bank now, nor have I ever so it's not like I'm speaking from a place of not knowing what it's like. I just don't have a family to support, so I have it easier.

[starlooker]

Um, HOLY s***.

All i meant was that i understand what it's like to read statements like that - the world is full of them, by the way - and feel incredibly frustrated. I don't disagree with the advice to Jan's specific situation. But i understand what it's like having a family living below poverty and reading things about money not equating happiness etc etc etc. It. Is. Hard.

I said i heard Brent, Alea. I didn't jump down your throat. What you said was about Jan and not Brent? Fine, i get that. Please get that what i said is about Brent and NOT ABOUT YOU.

[Gravity Defier]

Can I get an UM, HOLY s*** right back at you?

I was baffled by his response which was quoting my statement. All I saw was you supporting him getting angry, as if I personally told him he was wrong and then slapped him.

BUT OKAY.

Hm, yes. My cap locks work, too.

This sort of reaction to something I said (talking first about Rei's, but now yours, too) is why I'm really hating that I still give a s*** about this place.

[starlooker]

Oh for f***'s sake.

All i wanted to do was tell Brent i understood where he was coming from. But, guess what? I was tired and didn't say it in the exact right perfect walking on eggshells Alea-approved way, so, surprise, you took it as offensively as possible and are throwing a tantrum.

I honestly DON'T care much about this place anymore, so Alea, it is all yours. Everyone else, see you on Facebook.

[Gravity Defier]

If being well and truly surprised is throwing a tantrum, then yes, I definitely was.

I'm sorry your life is so difficult; I wish you and yours the best going forward.

[Rei]

Alea, part of the scenerio given was that life IS difficult to afford. To then say to follow your dream because money isn't important just sounds to me like entitled nonsense as it sounded like a blanket statement. I'm sorry for over-reacting to it.

[Syphon the Sun]

It's Austrian economics at work!

Decisions to act are generally made in order to exchange a less satisfactory state of affairs for a more satisfactory one. Satisfaction is completely subjective, but that's a good thing. (After all, it lets us engage in mutually beneficial trade!)

People typically choose courses of action that promise to maximize their monetary positions if they are indifferent to the non-monetary factors of the available alternatives. All else equal, they'll maximize their monetary position.

But all else is rarely equal. So, people will (and do) choose courses of action that will result in less than the maximum monetary position when the subjective value of non-monetary factors more than offset the subjective value of the additional monetary factors. And the subjective value is always going to be determined on the margin: the subjective value of monetary factors often decreases as your monetary position increases.

People value things differently. That's perfectly okay. It's what makes the world go 'round.

[Rei]

Throw in ol' Maslow and I will definitely agree.

(He has been on my mind rather strongly ever since I was faced with the prospect of homelessness, which was a rather upsetting prospect and altogether too near a miss.)