Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby powerfulcheese04 » Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:08 pm

Having others buy things that would be a jinx if bought by oneself is not a jinx if and only if the purchases are not given until the jinx-able period has passed.
Thanks for the consult, Shannon!



And Jan, I know it's true for only some, but I trust the peer reviewed medical process much more than the hippy dippy midwife process... unless there's a nice, firm licensing and review process in place. Which there may be where I end up having kids, and maybe I'll look into it. And I'll definitely look at specific hospitals and doctors when I get closer to deciding. But, the idea of drugs and doctors and such with delivery does not bother me at all. If anything, medical things make me warm, fuzzy and comfortable the way "natural" things do fo other people.
-Kim

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Jayelle » Mon Nov 28, 2011 6:23 pm

What I meant was that it's not better living if you have a massive headache and/or paralyzation from an epidural and not better living for a baby born drugged up.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Mon Nov 28, 2011 10:14 pm

*wryly high-fives her pregnancy buddy*
Anemia for the win!
*high-five with wry*

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There's another home somewhere,
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There's another life out there...

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby v-girl » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:28 pm

I recently watched The Business of Being Born! I'm not sure when it became available on netflix streaming but I'm glad it was.

I had about 4 weeks of dedicated OB experience, split between day shift and night shifts. I have to be honest, it was rare for me to see a totally unmedicated (as in - no pitocin, cervidil, or epidural) delivery. I probaby saw a total of 3. Granted, I was at a tertiary teaching hospital in a major city, and many of the uncomplicated (and unmedicated) deliveries go to community hospitals. I did see a ton of vaginal deliveries though, they just tend to be medicated. I only saw about 4 C-sections the whole time. Granted, there are fewer C-sections at night and I wasn't following all of the patients on L&D and attending all the surgeries.

Many of the new first time moms will get epidurals, because labor is obviously longer and tougher the first time. The problem with epidurals is that they make contractions less intense and decreases their ability to actually push the baby out, so moms end up needing pitocin to make contractions stronger. It can be a vicious cycle. There is a trade-off between waiting on the epidural to allow contractions to happen, versus waiting too long and not being able the get the epidural you were planning on getting.

Personally, I feel like I would definitely have to deliver somewhere with pediatricians and a NICU where there are people trained to resuscitate infants and take care of complicated medical issues.

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Luet » Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:39 pm

Did you like the movie overall? I've never heard an opinion from a medical person. (And hi, miss you! :wave: )
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:00 pm

Little Bit is PLAYING with me!!! He's awake and whenever I press on my belly, he kicks me. So, I press where he kicks and he kicks back! And Donny had his hand on my belly and got a nice HARD kick that I actually SAW from the outside, not just felt!

HEEE! That's my boy!

:D

:stoned:

:frolic:
There's another home somewhere,
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There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby LilBee91 » Wed Nov 30, 2011 10:17 pm

I love that babies have personalities so early in life. It just makes everything that much cooler.
I used to hate gravity because it would not let me fly. Now I realize it is gravity that lets me stand.

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Thu Dec 01, 2011 6:21 pm

You guys, I am still is awe. We made an itty bitty person. A person. It's such a wonder! And she's going to grow up and get big and have personality and thoughts and creativity! Soon she'll be rolling, then sitting, crawling, walking... Wow.

I really wish I had some way to influence paternity leave laws. Not only do I have to stay and take of my baby all day long, every day, but her dad doesn't get to. He just doesn't. He has to go to work, and then come home too tired to really enjoy focusing on her. I see so much, I'm getting to know her, and he only gets it second hand. It doesn't feel right! :lecture: How are men supposed to not become the stupid, bumbling caricatures of fatherhood we see on sitcoms if we don't encourage them properly? Gah.

Nom has gotten so very big and heavy. We go to weigh her tomorrow, and I'm super curious how big she is. She was almost 7 and a half pounds when she was weighed 3 weeks ago. She's also learning she can push-scoot herself along on her back.

I love looking at her, her stubby little chin, her perfect mouth, her big, bright eyes and the one eyelash on each eye that's growing a wonky direction. I love it when it's warm enough that we can have skin-to-skin cuddles. She feels totally different (and more frog-like, hee!) when she's not bundled into a sleeper.

Guys, I'm blessed, I'm so, so blessed.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Luet » Thu Dec 01, 2011 7:31 pm

Total love. I'm so happy for your family.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Fri Dec 02, 2011 2:59 pm

I forgot to mention her teeny little tongue! So tiny!

I went to a SCBU mommies tea and weigh-in today. It was king of nice to meet other moms and see a couple of the babies who were in at the same time as Nom. One little guy was just 5 lbs and it was like WHOA she was that small once! Nom was quite easily one of the cutest babies there, all perfectly proportioned and all. I have had very little to compare to, not knowing any moms here, and my nephew was also remarkably cute (and vague memories of Ginny). But yes, Nom is a gorgeous little girl!

She is getting so, so big. She's now a whole 8lb 14oz! WHAT.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby steph » Fri Dec 02, 2011 3:30 pm

She's now a whole 8lb 14oz! WHAT.
That's how big Tyler was when he was born.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Sat Dec 03, 2011 1:10 am

28 Weeks!

According to EVERYONE, am now in third trimester.

The highlight of this week is my baby kicking much more frequently. (See above. :frolic: ) Baby boy!

I am wanting my baby desperately badly. I spend a good deal of time daydreaming about holding him and looking at him and talking to him for the first time. I imagine what I'll say, I imagine introducing him to his daddy and grandmother. It helps the time go by.

De Quervain's and carpal tunnel are making my hands hurt quite badly. The brace helps my left hand a lot, but hurts the right due to the De Quervain's. (Basically, it means my thumb hurts and the tendons around it hurt and there's not much I can do about it but rest and ice.)

Am dreading Monday's glucose test, but I suppose we'll get through.

I'm watching Star Trek (the new one) tonight. I've learned enough about labor and delivery to be very, VERY annoyed at the opening scene. And then, when Jim's mom is talking to his dad right before his dad dies, I started BAWLING. I mean, hyperventilating type sobs. Donny was like, "You KNEW what happened!" and I was all, "I KNOW, but it's so, so, SAD." I was half laughing at myself, too, before long. Still.

Hormones and emotions and birth scenarios, oh my.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Sat Dec 03, 2011 10:56 am

Anything that depicts babies hurt, in trouble, or separated from their parents makes me clutch at Nom protectively. I don't forsee this changing any time soon.

Congrats on 28 weeks and an active baby!
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby v-girl » Tue Dec 06, 2011 6:42 pm

I am (not very) patiently waiting on the results of the three hour GTT. I'm hoping no news is good news.

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Wed Dec 07, 2011 9:32 am

*starting to worry a bit*

Hope everything is going okay...
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:26 pm

Hi, sorry for the worries! Our Internet's been cut off, and while I can read Pweb from my crappy phone, I can't post to it from my crappy phone. Discovered this after using my stupid little qwerty board to write a rather lengthy post on the three-hour GTT. Hit "Submit" and the post disappeared into the ether. I can post to Facebook for some reason. Also, our apartment has a crappy little computer lab that I can use during the day -- that's where I am now. But don't be alarmed that I won't be around as much for awhile. If anything actually happens that's worth worrying about, I have a few pwebber phone numbers, and I'll text or call someone and ask them to post for me.

Anyhow, I DO have gestational diabetes, turns out. :grumble:

I'm not that surprised.

The Test

The three hour test sucked, but not as badly as I feared. That morning, I experienced a level of empathy with the cats howling for their breakfast I would not have dreamed possible.

The first hour was the worst. Lemon-lime drink this time. Not an improvement over the orange. Felt sick, couldn't concentrate to read more than a few minutes. Spent a lot of time staring at the plant next to my chair, which I found quite soothing. At some point I checked facebook on my phone. Found out that my friend's son, Ryan, has sores on his throat as a side effect of chemo and can't eat even though he finally wants to. I tell you, that put things into perspective pretty quick, and I'd think about him whenever I got to feeling too sorry for myself.

The person drawing my blood wore sunglasses the first time and an eye patch the rest of the time. She has a tear on her cornea. Having had a corneal ulcer myself, I related, and we talked horror stories when I was in there for my second blood draw. She says she felt better about her depth perception with the eye patch than the sunglasses, and I was like, "Lady, whatever makes you feel best." Still. Disconcerting to have the person coming at you with a sharp object have compromised depth perception :)

The second hour was better. Could read a wee bit more. Dozed on Donny's shoulder for about a half hour. Woke up feeling better. Sometimes would feel waves of hunger, but they passed fairly quickly.

Third hour -- piece of cake. Felt normal. Was able to read and the hour passed quickly.

And then we got a cheeseburger from the fast food joint across the street.

The Results

Got a call from the nurse this morning. My fasting blood sugar was only slightly elevated, but the other three were all above 200, so I definitely have diabetes. I'm going to get a call from the nurse of some specialist, and they're going to meet with me and talk diet and checking my sugar and all that crap. Also, I am to have more ultrasounds to monitor baby's growth, and more doctor's appointments to monitor everything else.

I was expecting it, more or less, so I am taking it fairly philosophically. Mostly I'm worried about what this is going to mean in terms of giving birth.

Donny was not so stoic. He's feeling somehow like it's his fault, he should have fed me better or something. I think our whole situation is causing him a crisis of the provider/protector type, and it absolutely breaks my heart. He's been an awesome support, and I don't know what I'd do without him. But the fact that I don't blame him doesn't stop him from blaming himself, the way that him not blaming me doesn't stop me from blaming myself. It's hard.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby LilBee91 » Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:39 pm

I'm glad it wasn't absolutely horrible, but diabetes is no fun. *hugs*

Best wishes for you and Donny and Little Bit. It'll all work out. You two are already awesome parents.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Mommy Brontosaurus » Thu Dec 08, 2011 2:35 pm

Tonight was the first time Nom has chomped me hard enough that I have to take some time to recover. Ow. :grumble: I am enjoying breastfeeding more than I thought I would. My heart is so full of tenderness when I look down at her nursing. I feel very (possibly irrationally) proud to be providing for my child. The experience is so very earthy, so animal, that (for me) it has transcended itself into a spiritual experience. It takes me right back to the lessons and life I learned at l'Arche. We don't live gnostic, dualist existences. Our bodies are good things, valuable things, and wholly interactive with our spirits. Breastfeeding is caring for someone, loving them, in a unique, bodily way. At least for me.

Somewhat relatedly, I'm drawn back to a conversation I had with someone a few years back about having to recontextualise bodies. After so much care experience, I didn't expect to find another level to this still. Most of us (as adults), our experiences of another's body tend to be sexual. Having to care for another person bodily changes that. In a professional setting, even somewhere so human as l'Arche, there is still a barrier to it. There is an instinctive separation between you and the person you care for, no matter how close you are. There are lines you cannot and do not cross because they would be abusive. But with your own baby, the instinct to snuggle, nuzzle, kiss, etc. is very strong. And you have to recontextualise those caresses - nuzzling and kissing my baby's neck is very different to doing so to my husband. I suspect (but don't know yet) that this effect is even stronger if you have an opposite-sex baby.

I know not everyone will have these thoughts, emotions, or experiences. But they are interesting reflections to me, and I wish I could articulate better.

She has become increasingly hard to get to sleep, often fussing off-and-on until 3am. I'm trying to keep her awake more during the day but it's hard when I'm so tired myself and want to nap. Vicious circle.

Christmas and the story of the nativity have special resonance this year.
A dinosaur in a grocery store is not a very pleasant thing!
He marches through the checkout aisles and tramples over everything.
He puts his snoot into the fruit;
his tail wipes out displays.
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A grocery store is not a place for dinosaurs to play.

(Courtesy of starlooker's mom.)

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Mon Dec 12, 2011 5:17 pm

I think you articulated very well, Ali. I really enjoyed reading that. It's an interesting way to think about things. (I think recontextualizing is the intellectual way of explaining why I automatically decided my son has a "winkie" in my mind -- the single cutest, least sexual-connotation term I could've come up with :) )

Also, yes, very, regarding Advent and Christmas.
~~~

Pregnancy -- 29 Weeks, going on 30.

Just got back from meeting with the perinatologist nurses and my regular doctor. I'm in the process of re-applying for Medicaid, and God I hope it kicks in soon, because diabetes is expensive. More appointments, more ultrasounds, test strips, and probably insulin. Don't know what I'll do about the insulin. Or the test strips. Will call a friend whose husband is a nurse to see if he has any ideas. Also, an education class I can't afford. Thank God I know how to research independently.

I'm very unhappy about the diabetes diagnosis. It's kind of a letdown. At the beginning, I sort of felt like my body was just MADE for pregnancy. The hormones didn't seem to bother me, I was rarely sick, things were just going so smoothly. And now that's totally knocked off kilter. So much for being made for this. Apparently I am good at all of this except for the part involving insulin.

So, now all my plans and ideas about delivery have to include, "unless my sugars are out of control or the baby gets too big." Per the doctor, depending on how things go, they may want to induce me at about 39 weeks. And if the baby weighs over 10 pounds, we'll be talking c-section (note: she said "we'll talk about it," not "you'll have to do it" which is part of why I like her). Both of those are things I desperately do not want. Even though I will deal with either of those scenarios if they seem like they'll be the best option.

We bought a couple of diabetes cookbooks at the local used book store, and I'm planning on trying my hand at cooking some of those things this week. Also, bought a lot of sugar free snacks. Am planning a food story in Pastwatch on my first experience shopping with diabetes as well as with food stamps, which happened to coincide. Spoiler: My mantra for dealing with bakery sections and Christmas goodies is, "It probably doesn't taste that good anyways."

Anyhow, questions for the doctor today included questions about diabetes, questions about my baby's not moving during the day, and "How do you perform the Heimlich maneuver on a pregnant woman?" (Answer: If you can't do it like normal, you put your hands on the sternum.) I nearly choked on a hard-boiled egg -- of all things -- this week, and that freaked Donny out a bit. (15 minutes of violent coughing, retching, light puking, and everything my body could figure to do that might get it to come up. It was, shall we say, unpleasant.)

Am generally feeling a bit bummed out right now. The tone of this post was happier in my head before the doctor's appointment than after. The money thing has me down. And the major litany of appointments coming up. Also, I was up every single hour last night to pee. It was ridiculous. Probably does not have me in the best frame of mind.

On the brighter side, blood pressure is still normal, belly button is still an innie, and stretch marks are still not in appearance.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Tue Dec 20, 2011 5:08 pm

Had an appointment with the actual specialist today. No surprise, they do want me on insulin. Considering my lowest fasting blood sugar was 17 points above where they wanted it, this was not a surprise. So, five shots a day and four finger sticks. Yay!

Faxed in all the Medicaid paperwork today and called to confirm it was ALL the paperwork, and it is, and I'll probably call and verify again tomorrow.

This is good because they want me to meet with the doctor and have a sonogram WEEKLY to monitor fluid levels and baby's growth and blood sugar and all that. Plus my regular appointments every two weeks.

I don't have them scanned in, but the sonogram photos were fun. He has a sweet chubby little arm. And the good news is, for now, his growth seems right on track. 3lbs, 9 oz, which puts him at the 61st percentile. Also, my blood pressure is still remaining dead normal.

All of these appointments and needle sticking and such are making my head a little spinny and my hopes for a natural birth seem far-fetched, though. I don't know. Plan to have a talk with my Ob/Gyn at my next regular appointment. Will try not to cry.

(Also, I think I have a UTI on top of things. I hate peeing. SO MUCH. I had to pee four times in one hour last night! Plus up every damn hour last night, and then back to bed, and then a few minutes later up again. Plus feeling like I have to go CONSTANTLY today. I hope it IS a UTI so they can do something about it, because if this is just how it is, I am going to be most unhappy.)

I love my baby. I still smile when he's kicking me. I try to practice relaxing during the day, and somehow he always knows and starts playing then :)

I love my baby. And, oh God, I want him out of me, soon, please.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:06 pm

I'm sorry about the shots and pricks but if it will keep you and Little Bit healthy, it must be done.

I am glad, however, to have an update. I would be sad to lose these.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby VelvetElvis » Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:49 pm

Look at it this way: using the insulin will help keep complications (like ginormo-baby) to a minimum!
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Wed Dec 21, 2011 1:04 pm

*hughughugs*

You're almost there! 32 weeks is not far off! Only two weeks less than I got, total! So it won't be long to have to deal with this, I promise. And keep reminding yourself it's for a nice healthy baby. The constant appointments totally suck, you have all my sympathy there.

And sympathy for the birth plans, too. I remember so, so vividly what it was like having all the choices taken away from me. Rest assured that when it's over and you get to cuddle your baby, you DO get some peace. And even with being induced, you can still do it as natural as you can bear. :love: :love: :love:
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:04 pm

Thanks. I am grateful for the support.

So, I wrote the following last night, so adjust the "yesterday" and "today" accordingly. Update -- went to a very good gestational diabetes class today and am feeling much better about taking insulin and having diabetes in general and not so mad at my body. We were the only people there for the "class" so that made it nice and individualized. There was a nurse practitioner for the first part and a dietician for the second part, and they simplified it. And the nurse told me just what hormones are involved and what their usual purpose is and that made me feel better, for some odd reason.

Anyhow, the following: Hard to write and hard to post because I'm really not proud of the first half. I mean, REALLY. But, I figure, who knows? Maybe someday someone else will go through it and it will fell nice to not feel crazy for it. Or to feel like you're not the only crazy person. Or feel like, "at least I'm not as crazy as Kirsten was" :) And, well, it's significant. So.

~~~~

From the musical Annie:

“Yesterday was plain awful”
“You can say that again!”
“Yesterday was plain AWFUL!”

Yesterday was plain awful. Meeting with my doctor and finding out how much medicine I am going to need. Okay. So, fine. But they are SO happy I have Medicaid now, and Medicaid is really good about paying for gestational diabetes, here are your prescriptions, and try to start tonight.

So, we went to the pharmacy. I was standing there for half an hour in line, needing to pee, working on no kind of consistent sleep, and just feeling a little edgy all in all.

The pharmacy tech was new. She didn’t know how to process my medical card. And, when she finally did, it turned out I needed a prior authorization for one of my prescriptions. She did not know what a prior authorization was, if she needed to contact the doctor, or what to do in general.

But that was okay. I was dealing with it. She’s new and that’s hard.

Here’s what got me.

One of my prescriptions was paid for. But the insulin pen that I needed in order to actually USE it was going to cost a ridiculous amount and the medical card wouldn’t pay for it. So, she offered to give me the medicine with no way to give it to myself.

And that’s when I lost it. I snatched my card out of her hand, I said the words good-bye in a tone and manner that probably (correctly) suggested I was thinking, “f*** you, go to hell,” and practically ran out of the pharmacy, Donny trailing after me and calling my name. In my head, all that I was thinking was, “Get me out, get me out, I have to get out of here.”

And in the parking lot, I threw a pretty big tantrum. It had to be something to see, a seven-month pregnant woman screaming obscenities and throwing her coat into the car and responding to her husband saying, “it’s okay, it’s okay,” with, “IT’S NOT OKAY! IT IS NOT OKAY AT ALL!”

And then there were a lot of tears and sobbing and freaking out at home.

Here’s the emotional logic that I could not articulate at the time. “As bad as things have been, I thought I – my body – was at least taking care of my baby, but it turns out my body is turning against me and putting my baby in danger, so I put aside my pride and am accepting help to feed us and use medicine (medicine I am scared of and don’t really WANT) to care for my baby, but now they won’t help me give myself the medicine that my stupid defective body needs and I can’t afford it! How am I supposed to take care of my baby if I can’t even give us medicine? And how could I have lost my job? A few months ago that much money would not have mattered, it would not have mattered at all, and now it’s impossible, how could I have screwed up this badly? That I can’t take care of my baby? What are we going to do, what are we going to do, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO?”

So, yesterday was plain awful.

Today’s better. I’m trying to deal with the issues at hand. It has been easier to deal with in part because I slept from 8:30 AM to 1:00 PM without waking up to pee. The first time I’ve gone longer than an hour and a half – three very occasionally – in I do not know how long.

I got a call from the Mid-America Diabetes association, and they have a class tomorrow, and even though the state won’t pay for it, not to worry, they have a grant program I will qualify for, and yes I am welcome to bring my husband.

Called my doctor’s nurse and told her about the syringe situation. She was surprised, glad we didn’t spend the money, and promised to take care of it. Later that afternoon, it turned out she had, everything is pre-authorized, and I’ll have to take the one medication via vial and syringe rather than with the pen, but that’s not a big deal. (Although, even later than that, it turns out the pharmacy doesn’t have the syringes and supposedly will tomorrow.)

I’m trying to find some sense of peace and certainty in thinking about the diabetes and the birth options. It reminds me of trying to cope in those early weeks with the possibility of miscarrying. I came to some sense of peace then. I am trying to find it today.

This afternoon, I took a shower, and decided to try being positive there, since that’s where I talk to my baby. I spent a lot of time telling him today how much I look forward to kissing the insides of his elbows, since his little baby fat arms are so adorable, even in grainy black and white. I sang him Christmas carols, “Hark the Herald Angels Sing” and “Joy to the World” and my favorite hymn, which was sung at my wedding and I want sung at my funeral, “Great is Thy Faithfulness.”

“Great is thy faithfulness,
Great is thy faithfulness,
Morning by morning new mercies I see.
All I have needed, thy hand hath provided,
Great is thy faithfulness, Lord God to me.”

And it feels true, in spite of everything. That all I have needed has been provided. Because we are here, still in our home, and I do have what I need, I have friends and family who have helped me. I have a husband I love, and a baby on the way who is so beyond loved and wanted.

And, medically, I have to believe what I need will be provided.

It’s so hard. The first two trimesters, I was marveling at my body. It was just one wonder after another, how intelligent and wise it is. How everything it was doing, even if it was inconvenient, was for a reason. For the greater good. And, so, the diabetes feels like a very fundamental sort of slap, rational or not, it hurts on a kind of visceral level. I know it’s common, I know it’s normally manageable, and I am trying to be grateful for the means to watch it and try to control it. But I just don’t understand any wisdom behind this. I have a hard time forgiving my body for this, because I don’t get the rationale.

All the same, I don’t know yet. I don’t know how it will turn out. For all I know, my baby will show up at 38 weeks with no induction required. Or maybe we’ll have to do a caesarian for a totally unrelated reason. Or it will continue to grow normally, despite the diabetes. I can’t understand the reason for what I’m going through now, but I have to believe it will make sense in retrospect. I can’t understand now, because I don’t know how the story ends. True for our money and job situation, true for my body. I will find a way to understand when it is through, and I have to hold on to that.

Went to the zoo today, then, because I needed to be outside and to be in a place where I feel peaceful and happy. It’s a tonic for when my mind and emotions are going through chaos.

And I’m glad I went. It was a big experiential lesson in how you don’t know why things happen at the time, but later it is amazing they unfolded as they did. A song I liked came on the radio right when I was turning towards the zoo, so I decided to drive along for a time. Then I got lost, and so I got to the zoo much later than planned. And since I got there later than planned, I got to see a lot of pronghorns running and galloping around, which I’d never seen. And from there I went to the cougar, who could see the pronghorns and was quite excited by it, so I was talking to her, thinking I was alone. But I wasn’t alone, a lady was nearby and apparently thought I seemed friendly enough to start a conversation with about the cougar. And then I ran into her again at the tiger exhibit, and again at the lions, and talked more. And it was helpful. Sometimes you run into people you feel like you know. So, I talked about my baby and eventually about losing my job and wanting to know the reason or what would happen next, and she talked about her hopes and fears for going back to school, and I think we both walked away feeling a lot better.

And I just thought I wanted to sing in the car. And that’s true. That’s all I wanted. But things just unfolded in a way that I did not foresee. And sometimes it goes the other way, that you just run into something bad that you would have otherwise missed. The point is, time and experiences intersect in ways that you can’t know, and I can’t know how things are going to turn out with my pregnancy or motherhood, and that means I need to just trust things to unfold as they will. To act as best I can for my benefit and that of my family and look for and be grateful for the ways my needs are being met along the way. And they are. They really are.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Thu Dec 22, 2011 12:34 pm

It’s so hard. The first two trimesters, I was marveling at my body. It was just one wonder after another, how intelligent and wise it is. How everything it was doing, even if it was inconvenient, was for a reason. For the greater good. And, so, the diabetes feels like a very fundamental sort of slap, rational or not, it hurts on a kind of visceral level. I know it’s common, I know it’s normally manageable, and I am trying to be grateful for the means to watch it and try to control it. But I just don’t understand any wisdom behind this. I have a hard time forgiving my body for this, because I don’t get the rationale.
I felt like that all through my pregnancy, but especially at the end with the preeclampsia. Body, Y U no work?! Why you turn against me like this?? It's so hard to surrender that control.
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Thu Dec 22, 2011 4:03 pm

Image

My best friend sent me this, it's an ad on the public transit in Toronto. Little Bit can't wait to snuggle you, Kirsten!
"Only for today, I will devote 10 minutes of my time to some good reading, remembering that just as food is necessary to the life of the body, so good reading is necessary to the life of the soul." -- Pope John XXIII

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby locke » Wed Dec 28, 2011 2:16 am

We spent a lot of time with my nieces and other small kiddo second cousins over the recent holidays, also spent a lot of time talking to my three-four year younger cousins, who got married about when we started dating, and in any event, while we had a lot of fun with the kids, wow, my cousin's wife was really into doing anything and everything with them. comically, every bit of her conversation always circled back somehow to children, even when you wouldn't think there was a path for the conversation to return to children. So yes, she had as bad baby fever as I've ever seen. then, yesterday, one of Renee's cousins, who has recently returned from an illadvised four year venture of following a boy to south dakota when she was eighteen, was chatting to us last night and when it came time for the kids to open presents, gave a five minute siloquey on how she can't understand how it is that people without babies don't just go around buying adorable/cute baby stuff whenever they see it (to lay in a supply for later), that conversation naturally led to a slightly bitter rant about how everyone she knows in the midwest has babies right now. Heh. Different kind of baby fever, just as bad, though. Of course, I didn't notice anything at all about how eagerly Renee joined in these conversations, not that we haven't had a lot of these conversations ourselves in the last month or so, nor have we accidentally picked out a perfect boy's name either during said conversations. ;)
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Thu Dec 29, 2011 12:34 pm

Baby is so SQUIRMY lately! Also, he's getting more active during the daylight hours, which is nice. Yesterday, at my ob/gyn appointment, she couldn't find the heartbeat right away and this was the first time that didn't make me freak out a little bit, because I could feel him moving all over the place, so no worries.

Squirmy baby is such a different feeling from kicking baby. Kicks have never felt remotely weird to me. But the squirming -- one of the first times, it actually made me yelp out loud it was so weird. Kind of tickles, kind of -- I don't have a good analogy. Also, I can occasionally feel outlines of his head, his knee, etc.

He kicked the cat for me on Christmas Eve! She looked mildly affronted and decided she'd rather lay next to me. :)

The De Quervain's is getting ridiculous. I finally gave up and am getting steroid shots in that joint next week, because it's gone from inconvenient to disabling. I'm having a somewhat difficult time typing because of it, and so am probably not going to write as many things on pweb as I was thinking of. :(

Donny gave me a baby photo album for my birthday! It was so sweet. It's kind of photo album/scrapbook. He wrote Atticus a letter that he put in it that made me teary, has pictures of us and our family in it, and it's just so perfect and awesome.

TRIED to start registering the other day at Babies R Us. Was totally overwhelmed by the bottle selection and gave up. Donny, bless him, is totally useless for this. So, I've enlisted the help of a friend of mine with a one year old and we're planning to go and get me registered this weekend.

Blood sugar keeps climbing up and they're going to increase my insulin pretty aggressively tomorrow, I have a feeling. Thank God, my blood pressure is still perfectly normal. 101/76 yesterday. Thank you genetics! Also, weight gain is moving along at a slow and reasonable pace.

The belly button is going to pop any second now, I swear.

A few stretch marks on my thighs. Still none on the belly. Again, thank you, genetics.

Am spending so much time thinking about holding my baby boy. Cannot wait to meet this squirmy little boy and see his arms and face and hands for real instead of on a screen! :)
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby thoughtreader » Thu Dec 29, 2011 5:51 pm

...He kicked the cat for me on Christmas Eve! She looked mildly affronted and decided she'd rather lay next to me. :) ...
:thumbs: AWESOME!

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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Petra456 » Thu Dec 29, 2011 8:37 pm

...He kicked the cat for me on Christmas Eve! She looked mildly affronted and decided she'd rather lay next to me. :) ...
:thumbs: AWESOME!
I read Teresa's quote first and totally though you were talking about Donnie kicking that cat! Made me laugh for a good while! The photo album sounds adorable : )
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Mon Jan 02, 2012 10:59 am

Kirsten, you must be very close to 34 weeks now! That's when Nom was born! Soooo close! You can do it!!

****

Nom has changed and grown so much. She decided to change her bedtime routines, but it took me a couple weeks to catch on. Now that I have, it's much easier and cuddlier to get her to sleep. She's sleeping for good long chunks still - we set a new record of eight and a half hours the other night. WHAT. The average has increased to 5ish hours, but it's still often longer. HOW DID I GET SO LUCKY. Actually, we think it might have been those early weeks in the baby unit. I'm not arguing.

She has a cough right now, and her little coughing fits are so sad and pathetic and cute. (We took her to the doc, don't worry.) She's 11 pounds or so, which feels SO HUGE to me. She's growing out of the 0-3 month clothes, some of them, or will soon. Catching up, I guess? Totally fine now with neck control. LOVES to smile and grin at people.

Her first Christmas was adorable. Not that she noticed much.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Mich » Mon Jan 02, 2012 12:19 pm

She's sleeping for good long chunks still - we set a new record of eight and a half hours the other night. WHAT.
Holy carp, best baby ever! Geeze.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Ela » Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:44 pm

Image

My best friend sent me this, it's an ad on the public transit in Toronto. Little Bit can't wait to snuggle you, Kirsten!
That is an awesome poster. 8)
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby Eaquae Legit » Sat Jan 07, 2012 2:08 pm

Thumbs Up: Naomi plays peek-a-boo.

Thumbs Down: We think she's cutting a tooth.

Still the cutest baby at the mommy group, all well-proportioned and all.
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Re: Brontosaurus Lays an Egg

Postby starlooker » Thu Jan 19, 2012 3:11 pm

Really Overdue Update
Broken into subheadings for your convenience.

Overall Impression of Third Trimester

ARRRRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have had to go to the doctor for one reason or another at least twice a week for the last month. Between the maternal-fetal doctor who is managing the diabetes, my regular ob-gyn appointments at every two weeks, and my PCP who handles the mental health drugs and who they wanted me to see for my hand. My life pretty much revolves around waiting rooms and doctor tables. Also injections, blood sugar tests, and hand braces. And bathrooms. Lots and lots of time in the bathroom. Reece doesn't even bother to join me half the time anymore -- he's pretty much decided he just can't keep up with me. Since it hurts my hand sometimes to pull my pants up and down -- especially when it's every five stinking minutes -- I spend a lot of time hanging out in my robe.

My mom said the other week she really doesn't see how I could have worked for the past month, anyhow. Which is a fair point.

Bright Spots

Being able to watch my boy moving around from the outside now and my new superpower (see below).

Healthy Baby

All the injections and diabetes appointments do have a serious upside, which is that my baby is 5lbs, 11 oz. This is in the 71st percentile. Big, but not too big by any means. Doctor yesterday seemed really pleased and relieved. He says he finds the critical point for avoiding overgrowth is weeks 30-36. (I'm 34.5 weeks.) Obviously, they will keep watching me and upping the insulin and all of those things, and I'm still being very compliant, but it was a HUGE relief to hear that.

Also, my blood pressure is staying dead normal, no sugar/protein in my urine, and the measures of amniotic fluid have been great, indicating placenta is still functioning well. YAY!

Disabled Mama

The De Quervain's Tenosynovitis is freaking awful. Typing is uncomfortable, but not painful. Pain flares if I try to do anything involving twisting my wrist or bearing any weight on my thumb. Extreme pain flares if I accidentally bump the spot under my thumb on anything, including a freaking blanket. I am terrified of trying to care for a baby this way. I see a specialist tomorrow and am going to beg for surgery during pregnancy. I don't want to fool around with more injections that might not work. My maternal-fetal doc said he'd put a note in my chart supporting this.

Belly Button

Is not exactly popped out, but not exactly in, either. Funny, a secret I never told anyone was that whenever I put my finger in my belly button, for years and years and years now, I felt a bit of grit in it that i could never remove. Assumed it was dirt? Lint? Some secret belly button thing? Now, however, I know that it's actually a teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy mole on the inside of my belly button. Ah, learning SO much about my belly button these days.

Stretch Marks

A few on my thighs. Not happy about them, but *shrugs.* None on my stomach, weirdly. Don't know why. I swear, belly has grown more than thighs! Genetics, I guess.

Body Issues

I has 'em. Our full-length mirror is now turned towards the wall. Stupid overgrown droopy breasts. Stupid hips. Stupid thighs. Stupid hands and damn cantankerous placenta.

On the other hand, there was the day I discovered I have...

Breast Superpowers

Ah, breastfeeding. Natural, beautiful, healthy, wonderful. So, yes, I was planning to attempt it all along. But, frankly, the idea of fluids/millk coming from my breasts just seemed SO weird and squicky and just strange. I did not know how I'd feel about actually seeing it, but my impression was that I wouldn't feel good.

So, imagine my surprise when one night I looked down, saw drops of colostrum on my nipples and felt completely freaking elated and powerful.

I mean, seriously, I was delirious with joy. MY BODY WAS DOING SOMETHING FUNCTIONAL! Not just resisting insulin and causing me pain and bathroom trips and feelings of insecurity. Here! Here is tangible proof that it's preparing for the baby to be on the outside! And that, you know, the pipeline works! And I'm making something to sustain the baby after he's here!

Donny was very amused by my reaction and not sure what to make of it. I compared it to leveling up in a video game and getting new perks, and he seemed to understand it well from that perspective.

I cannot tell you how hard it was not to post about this on Facebook.

I can hand express a little bit whenever I want, and it still gives me a bit of a lift when I'm down about things.

Tough Stuff

We're having brief serious conversations. Mostly brought up by me. About worst-case scenarios. About how if anything is wrong with the baby or with both of us after the birth, I want him to stay with our baby at any freaking cost, or as close as they will let him be. About who we want to take him if something ever happens to both of us. That kind of thing. It helps me. We asked his sister/brother-in-law last night to please be his guardian if ever the need arises, God forbid. We told them they could take some time to think about it, etc., but they were immediately like, "Absolutely, of course, no need to think about it." So, that's good. It's not Plan A by a long stretch. It's good to have a Plan B, though.

Conclusion

Closer and closer! Can you believe when I started posting about my pregnancy, my boy was the size of a poppy seed? And now he's -- well, BABY-sized!
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter


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