Wedding Planning!

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
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steph
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby steph » Sun Aug 05, 2012 8:10 pm

Young Val wrote:Which leads me to my next thing. I want to hear about marriage. What is marriage like, for you? What does it mean? How does it change? What do you do to tend to it?



What is marriage like for me? It's awesome. In the 8.5 years that Brian and I have been married, I have never once regretted my choice. I love that I know Brian well enough to know what he would say or how he would respond to almost every situaton. I love having someone who knows me well enough to put my needs before his. (I have had to spell some things out pretty clearly, though. It's only been within the last 6 months that Brian has really learned the lesson that if I'm stressed out or upset, I need touch. Just touch me! He should have learned that a long time ago! haha!) I love the silly-stupid late night conversations we have as we're laying in our dark room falling asleep. I love looking at his face, playing with his hair, massaging his back and knowing that he's mine. I love that he chose me.

It hasn't always been easy; we had a rough patch about 5 years ago because of some personal struggles we had that affected the relationship. It was hard. But neither of us were willing to even think about throwing in the towel. And our relationship is all the better because of it. In fact, it's super strong right now. I'm in a position of not being able to much and EVERYTHING is falling on Brian. I watch him go to work every day and then come home and clean the house and prep the produce and do the laundry and then, after all that is done and he sits down to take a break, he pulls MY legs onto his lap so he can massage my calves and feet. He does it all with a smile and every time I tearfully apologize, he tells me that it's ok and he's happy to do it and he's genuine when he says it. It took 3.5 previous pregnancies for him to get here, but I'm glad for the strength we gained through our trials to get here. I know we'll have rough patches again; every marriage does. But I know that we can make it through them, too.

What does it mean to me? Everything. I believe in eternal marriage and knowing that Brian will be by my side forever is the most comforting thought on this earth.

How does it change? It changes in all sorts of ways. New jobs, moving, kids, personal growth, etc. all change how your marriage is. The great thing is that it's adaptable, as long as you're willing to work together as a team to figure it out. I've had to learn how to be clear to Brian with what my needs are in a way that he understands. I can't expect him to read my mind and we've had to come together to adapt to speak in each other's languages.

Love has been different for us over the years, but all of it is enriching and fulfilling if we let it be. (Sometimes we've each been to prideful to let it fulfill us for a time.)

What do I do to tend to it? I love this quote:

"If you want something to last forever, you treat it differently. You shield it and protect it. You never abuse it. You don’t expose it to the elements. You don’t make it common or ordinary. If it ever becomes tarnished, you lovingly polish it until it gleams like new. It becomes special because you have made it so, and it grows more beautiful and precious as time goes by." -F. Burton Howard

We both try to serve each other. Sometimes, it's focused more on one of us. Right now, it's all focused on my. When we were preparing for Hong Kong, it was all focused on Brian. I think it's ok that marriage is not always 50/50. I don't think you don't learn to give selflessly if you never have to give more and you never see your spouse giving more to you. It helps that we're both willing to make sacrifices for each other.

Other things we do: We read scripture and pray together every night. (We've only missed 2 nights in our whole marriage, even being separated by oceans and no cell phone signals.) I think that doing something together as a daily ritual is a great way to come together each day and reset.

We make our marriage the most important relationship in our lives. We love our children and give them our all, but our relationship with each other is more important. If we focus on having a strong relationship with each other, parenting is easier. We're allies in parenting. Our children grow up with an example-relationship that is based on love and respect of each other. I think it's one of the most important gifts I can give to my children; the gift of a great relationship with their father.


Kelly, I've watched your relationship with David through pweb and facebook and I have to say, I don't know that I've ever had more confidence in people that I've seen entering marriage. You guys have taken great care of your relationship and of each other. I think you're going to have one of the best marriages ever. :)

Ok, I've rambled a lot and since I have a headache, I'm not going to go edit, so please forgive clarity issues.
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Young Val
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Young Val » Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:36 am

First off, thank you so much, steph and Theresa for giving such open, thoughtful answers to my questions about what marriage has been like for you. It was so wonderful to read them, and to share bits of them with David in conversations about what we want our marriage to look like and how we want to tend to it (I hope you don't mind that I shared some of your thoughts with him!). And if anyone else is thinking of contributing to the conversation, please do!

But moving on to entirely superficial things.

I had my hair trial this weekend. I told my lovely stylist what I wanted: half-up, simple, keep the natural curl. And she gave it to me. I liked it very much when I left the salon (didn't love it, but figured that was my own self-image issues creeping in), but in the car ride home I started to change my mind. Then I walked in to the apartment and David saw me and did his absolute best to mask the sort of bewildered, distasteful expression on his face. Then I started texting people pictures and got a lot of "Oh..." responses.

And now I am in a full on panic about my hair. And as much as I hate to admit this, I actually just started crying about it while typing up this post.

I have this sort of love-hate relationship with my hair and always have. It's a huge part of my identity and it is apparently even more important to me than I thought to have it look right for my wedding. More so than the dress ever did, my hair is giving me anxiety. Especially because up until now I wasn't worried about it at ALL. I just assumed it would be great.

I feel so guilty for caring about something like this. And so guilty for changing my mind after the fact on my lovely stylist, who truly delivered what I said I wanted and was super nice and talented besides.

So do I cough up the money for a second trial session in the next, like, three weeks (the first one was free) or do I just change the game plan on the day of? I don't even know what the game plan IS now? And I'm angry that I care so much.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Eaquae Legit » Tue Aug 07, 2012 7:45 am

If it's any comfort, you sound incredibly normal. There were a lot of things that for some reason I cared deeply about leading up to the wedding that looking back I'm amazed were even on the radar. Even with the most laid-back wedding plans, the emotional aspect of a wedding seems to pick your brain up and shake it into a jumble. It happens. And if it's something you already have a complicated relationship with, it'll feel even bigger. I won't say "don't worry about your hair", but I will say "don't worry about worrying about your hair".

Also, for what it's worth I've had massive hair envy of you since I knew what you looked like.

I'm still thinking about how to talk about our marriage, but I do want to contribute eventually. :)
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Aug 09, 2012 7:55 pm

Woo! Adam and Renee's pictures are all done. I've already put in my request for official copies :mrgreen:

I think this is, hopefully, not tacky if I don't post any of the big, bride and groom pictures so Adam can do that first (and you really want him to, they came out amazing) and just post less important, me-centric ones. If Adam sees this and gets all, "Why would you do this, you crazy picture-whore?!" I'll take them down.

Representing Pweb. Don't worry guys, we made you look good.
Image

This was stressful yet fun. "What if I spell "Married" wrong? I, uh, sort of can't reach the middle of the window and if I climb this car, either the car will dent, my dress will rip, or both."
Image

Escortin' my woman down the aisle. This is how it's done, boys.
Image
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby LilBee91 » Thu Aug 09, 2012 9:20 pm

Yay pictures! Alea, you look fantastic! So do you, Adam.
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Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby locke » Fri Aug 10, 2012 3:10 pm

if you want to see more pictures, just PM me and I'll send you the info on where online they're ensconced.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby starlooker » Fri Aug 10, 2012 5:30 pm

You look gorgeous, Alea!

I really love the wedding party dresses.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Petra456 » Fri Aug 10, 2012 10:17 pm

The first picture is my favorite, you two are adorable!
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And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Young Val » Fri Aug 17, 2012 8:37 am

Fifteen days. David and I get married in 15 days.

So much is going on it's making my head spin. Therefore, lists (sort of).

I've gone on an insane Etsy spree this week and, without exception, vendors have been lovely. Working with me to coordinate rush shipping (from Israel! From Lithuania! From Hawaii!) to make sure the items get here on time, because I am indecisive and couldn't find precisely what I wanted until the last second. But now I've got the perfect necklace, the perfect earrings, and two perfect hair pieces, because, really, I couldn't decide.

Wedding party gifts are purchased, and came pre-wrapped, thank goodness.

David has a shirt! He didn't have time to have one custom made, sadly, but he IS getting it completely tailored. His shoes came in the other day, too, so he just needs a belt, socks, and a tie. We still need ties for the groomsmen. My bridesmaids still need shoes. (I still need shoes, for that matter. I've ordered a pair online, but I have no idea if they'll fit, as they didn't have my exact size in stock).

I decided to go with my gut and make a second hair trial appointment, which is this Saturday. Of course, I still have no idea what I'd like my hair to look like, so there's that.

David's cousins have been coming over for weekly crafting sessions, so we just might actually have all the flowers and decorations and stuff done in time.

THE OFFICIANT STUFF IS OFFICIAL. The paperwork is IN and SIGNED and APPROVED and David and I will be able to get legally married at our wedding ceremony performed by my dearest childhood friend! Having this resolved is such a huge, huge, huge weight off my chest!

We also picked up our marriage license, and seeing my new name is weird. I'm taking David's last name, but I didn't want to drop my last name altogether. But I also really didn't want to get rid of my middle name. So I'm adding my last name on as a second middle name. So now my legal name will be Kelly Megan Riley V___ S____. Which is ridiculous. But I don't really care!


There's more but my brain fell out a week ago, at least. Don't remember much at the moment. David is currently sending me adorable texts with countdowns to the hour. So I'm done for now.

AH!
you snooze, you lose

well I have snozzed and lost

I'm pushing through

I'll disregard the cost

I hear the bells

so fascinating and

I'll slug it out

I'm sick of waiting

and I can

hear the bells are

ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby thoughtreader » Fri Aug 17, 2012 10:53 am

Young Val wrote:So I'm adding my last name on as a second middle name. So now my legal name will be Kelly Megan Riley V___ S____. Which is ridiculous. But I don't really care!


stupid OR wouldn't let me to that without going before a judge twice and paying all kinds of court fees.... bastards! so I ended up dropping my middle name to keep my last name. I miss it.

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Young Val » Tue Aug 28, 2012 7:55 am

We got our engagement photos back! A few favorites:

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image

We suck at the Hipster Engagement Pose

Image

Image

Image

Image
you snooze, you lose

well I have snozzed and lost

I'm pushing through

I'll disregard the cost

I hear the bells

so fascinating and

I'll slug it out

I'm sick of waiting

and I can

hear the bells are

ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby steph » Tue Aug 28, 2012 8:00 am

I love them. And I love how happy you are.
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,

I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Aug 28, 2012 9:19 am

Pictures! The first one is my favorite, though I love how the first 5 or so feel natural/not staged. The others are great, too, but seem to have a more "placed" quality about them instead of a "captured" one.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Petra456 » Tue Aug 28, 2012 9:32 am

I think the fourth one has to be my favorite, but they're all so good!
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And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby LilBee91 » Tue Aug 28, 2012 11:14 am

Yay pictures! I love them all!

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby starlooker » Tue Aug 28, 2012 3:45 pm

You could market the energy in those as an alternative to Red Bull, I swear.

You two look wonderful and in love. I am so hopeful and happy and excited for your wedding and your marriage, Kelly.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Jayelle » Tue Aug 28, 2012 4:05 pm

I love them so much! Beautiful photography! Makes me so excited to see your wedding photos.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Mich » Tue Aug 28, 2012 6:02 pm

Kelly, your "I am being kissed" face is hilarious and cute. Just thought you should know.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby starlooker » Fri Aug 31, 2012 11:07 pm

It's after midnight! Happiest of wedding days, Kelly! I cannot wait to hear about it and see pictures! I'm sure I'll be thinking of you throughout the day!
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Eaquae Legit » Sat Sep 01, 2012 3:14 am

Happy day, Kelly!
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Jayelle » Sat Sep 01, 2012 5:37 am

Happy Wedding Day, Kelly!! I'm so excited to hear all about it. It's been amazing taking this journey with you - and I don't just mean wedding planning. You deserve much happiness.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Luet » Sat Sep 01, 2012 5:38 am

I've been thinking about you too, Kelly! Congrats today!
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby LilBee91 » Sat Sep 01, 2012 9:39 am

Happy wedding day! Hope it is everything you dreamed and more!
I used to hate gravity because it would not let me fly. Now I realize it is gravity that lets me stand.



Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Petra456 » Sat Sep 01, 2012 10:06 am

Congratulations Kelly! I'm already getting super excited by the couple of picture that have been popping up on Facebook.

I'm so excited for you and David, and I hope you have an amazingly wonderful, beautiful, happy day!
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And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Eaquae Legit » Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:26 am

Congratulations, Kelly! I hope everything went to plan and you had a fabulous day!
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Rei » Sun Sep 02, 2012 10:09 am

Congratulations, Kelly! You survived!
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby steph » Sun Sep 02, 2012 12:51 pm

I was camping yesterday, so I couldn't get on here, but I was thinking about you all day!

Congratulations, my friend. I am so happy for your happiness!
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I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby powerfulcheese04 » Sun Sep 02, 2012 1:43 pm

Happy wedding, Kelly!

It looks wonderful in the pictures on facebook!
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby thoughtreader » Sun Sep 02, 2012 5:54 pm

Congratulations Kelly! I'm loving the pictures that have popped up on facebook and can't wait to see more.
You look gorgeous and so happy.
I really liked the book flower boutonniere

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Young Val » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:24 am

Remember that time I got married? That was awesome!
you snooze, you lose

well I have snozzed and lost

I'm pushing through

I'll disregard the cost

I hear the bells

so fascinating and

I'll slug it out

I'm sick of waiting

and I can

hear the bells are

ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby steph » Mon Sep 10, 2012 10:34 am

Young Val wrote:Remember that time I got married? That was awesome!


Image
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I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby LilBee91 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 11:09 am

Young Val wrote:Remember that time I got married? That was awesome!


:thumbs: :dance: :frolic: :party:
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Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Young Val » Fri Sep 14, 2012 1:56 pm

I really want to write about my wedding day. I want to write about how David and I woke up in the morning and went to the farmers market to buy flowers. We stood in line to order an egg sandwich from the breakfast cart, and we were there so early the eggs hadn't even been unpacked yet. I want to write about the ceremony and what we promised one another and how much we laughed and cried and how David accidentally said he'd "share" me instead of "share WITH" me and how it became the running gag at the reception. I want to write about how so many things went wrong, and how absolutely none of them mattered. About how my photographer downloaded an app to her iphone and plugged it in to the speakers for the wedding party to use when giving their toasts when our microphone inexplicably broke. I want to write about how it felt to marry my partner, to dance with my grandmother, and stand in front of a bonfire while toasting marshmallows and look around at everyone I love all in the same place, knowing they had gathered there in support of me and my relationship. About how someone lost our marriage license. And then about how someone found it the next day.

I want to write about it. But I can't, yet.

My wedding day was wonderful. My honeymoon was wonderful. But this first week back in "the real world" has been hard. My family made it to the wedding in tact. I spent so much time worrying about that not happening, I never thought about what would happen if things didn't stay in tact after. I don't fully understand what's happening yet, or why, and it's too raw for me to try to explain what little I do understand. My relationships with certain family members have always been fragile, and I'm now forced to confront the fact that my wedding was--in some way I can't identify--the catalyst for those relationships to shatter. It is heart-breaking.

But that's not what I came here to say, either.

I came here to say that it is worth it. That marriage has changed me. That it has changed David. That even only two weeks in to this new phase of our lives, we are different, and that difference is powerful. That it was worth it. The agony of wedding planning was worth it. And that I could not have endured the pain of this last week without David as my husband.

And so as not to end on a horrifically bleak note:

Wedding Spoilers!
The pies got delivered to the wrong address.
The train jungle gym and petting zoo were a BIG hit.
Everyone rushed the dance floor to belt out the words to Don't Stop Believing when it came on.
Last dance of the night was Ben Folds' "The Luckiest."
I did have enough paper flowers in the end.
My dress is pretty much destroyed.

And a few quick pictures taken by family and friends:

Image

Image

Image

Image

Image
you snooze, you lose

well I have snozzed and lost

I'm pushing through

I'll disregard the cost

I hear the bells

so fascinating and

I'll slug it out

I'm sick of waiting

and I can

hear the bells are

ringing joyful and triumphant

VelvetElvis
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Title: is real!
First Joined: 0- 9-2004

Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:55 pm

Kelly, I understand what you mean when you talk about how it has changed you. IT. IS. SO. HUGE.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Jayelle
Speaker for the Dead
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First Joined: February 25th, 2002
Location: The Far East (of Canada)

Re: Wedding Planning!

Postby Jayelle » Fri Sep 14, 2012 5:58 pm

So beautiful. Congratulations again, Kelly! I hope to hear more of the story, but even if I don't, big *hugs* for any bad stuff that's happening. And *hugs* in general for being awesomely married to an awesome guy.
One Duck to rule them all.
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It needs to be about 20% cooler.


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