Wedding Planning!

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
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starlooker
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Postby starlooker » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:17 am

I have been be-showered and had a traditional North Dakota bachelorette party, complete with penis bedecked veil, scavenger hunt on the white t-shirt, and selling Blow-Pop bouquets with the ever-so-tasteful phrase, "Suck for a buck?" (I kid you not, I ended up earning $69 doing this. Total coincidence. Some random guy gave me $20, a few people bought condoms and penis paraphanalia off of my shirt/veil. By the end of the night, when I had about 3 left, I was going around begging people, "Wouldya please buy one from me so I can just go ahead and drink some water and go home please?)

Considering that I almost NEVER drink and don't remember the last time I actually had one shot (never mind five), the fact that I did not have a headache at all the next day was kind of a miracle. I think I drowned it with water + advil + multivitamin + benedryl. And what dizziness there was, greasy fast food the next day cured me.

I am now supposed to be prepping for my dissertation. However, I'm having an awful lot of trouble focusing. I may end up going to the library reading rooms for the rest of the day.

I'm freaking out as I think I underestimated our budget -- we may end up broke as a damn joke by the end of the wedding. Well, s***. However, it's going to be fun :)

The shower was nice. Tasteful with silly games and cute kids running around.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby VelvetElvis » Tue Oct 05, 2010 4:15 pm

I think that's exactly the type of bachelorette that I want, a rite of passage and whatnot.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby starlooker » Tue Oct 05, 2010 8:11 pm

Check it out. The marriage license was $65, cash only, no checks, no credit, no debit. So, I used my "Suck for a Buck" money and still had some left over to buy a quick lunch! That worked out just about perfectly.

~~

Also, tonight my future Mother-in-Law told me she had something to give me, only really it was from D. Then she told me all about a woman she used to work with, who practically adopted her and they were like family. And one day, when D was a baby, they called Mom and asked her to please come over because they thought she was going to pass away soon. When she got there, the lady pointed to her jewelry box and had Mom bring it to her. She gave Mom the wedding ring and told her she was to someday give it to D to give to his bride. Mom says she wore it every day of her marriage, and they were married over seventy years. The ring is over 100 years old. It's yellow gold with a square ruby in the middle and three tiny diamonds on either side. It's beautiful. And so meaningful.

Gratitude. A lot of gratitude in my life today.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 8:18 pm

Wedding Related Confession: I'm afraid nobody is going to plan a bachelorette party for me. I don't have many close female friends. 3 of my 4 bridesmaids live in new england. (And I'm a little jealous that my fiance's best man started immediate intensive bachelor party plans... i'm also totally terrified because i don't trust said best man AT ALL and they're going to vegas.)
-Kim

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Postby Syphon the Sun » Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:41 pm

Check it out. The marriage license was $65, cash only, no checks, no credit, no debit.
This shocked the hell out of me when I got married. In Illinois, it costs $15 for a marriage license (unless you're in Chicago). It cost us $60 for a license in Missouri.

Also, I was surprised that we didn't have to actually sign the license. The minister and our witnesses signed, but we didn't. How weird is that?
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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Tue Oct 05, 2010 9:42 pm

Check it out. The marriage license was $65, cash only, no checks, no credit, no debit.
This shocked the hell out of me when I got married. In Illinois, it costs $15 for a marriage license (unless you're in Chicago). It cost us $60 for a license in Missouri.

Also, I was surprised that we didn't have to actually sign the license. The minister and our witnesses signed, but we didn't. How weird is that?
We have to both be present in person to sign a form in order to get one for the minister/witnesses to sign.
-Kim

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Postby starlooker » Tue Oct 05, 2010 11:18 pm

Wedding Related Confession: I'm afraid nobody is going to plan a bachelorette party for me. I don't have many close female friends. 3 of my 4 bridesmaids live in new england. (And I'm a little jealous that my fiance's best man started immediate intensive bachelor party plans... i'm also totally terrified because i don't trust said best man AT ALL and they're going to vegas.)
**hugs**

However, just for the record, even though I know my maid of honor thinks that she was throwing the bachelorette party for me, honestly, secretly, I was doing it for her. That and the whole rite of passage thing. Did I have fun? Yes. I was also immensely grateful that it was a once in a lifetime experience.

Talk to your bridesmaids/maid of honor about this if it's an experience you really want. At least toss out a couple of hints. There has GOT to be a way to make it happen if it's important. Is the fourth person more local? Can she be in charge of planning? Or can you meet in some random halfway locale for it?

Meanwhile, during the shower, the groomsmen and some friends took D for his bachelor party. A little football, a little poker, and they hired a stripper, basically because it's tradition. And, per about three different sources, everybody was kind of like, "You know, really, playing poker with the guys for the rest of the night would've been more fun." And my fiance came home, granted, under the influence but also with a very strong need to tell me how much he loved me and how grateful and glad he is not to be single and trying to date anymore. (Mainly because one of the single guys was a total "train wreck" by the end of the evening.) He is also glad it was a once in a lifetime deal.

~~

I have not had time in the past month to really think about the whole name change thing. So, I'm going through some emotion whenever I get a spare moment about it. I added my last name to my middle name. I just couldn't drop it, and I didn't want to lose my given middle name, and I did want to take D's name, in the long run. So, four-name legal name now.

It's just figuring out what's legal as far as if I can keep my name professionally. That matters to me a lot for some reason. Publically, legally, fine. We'll have his name. But I've spent five years dreaming about and working towards being Dr. Myname, and I have no desire to be Dr. Hisname. I have new, tentative personal connection with being "Kirsten Hisname," and I have zero professional connection with that identity. It doesn't really matter to me if I'm the first doctor in his/our family with that name. But I am the first doctoral degree in the family on my Dad's side, and it does matter, and it is something I want for more than the three days I'm going to have it.

I suppose it depends on the licensing board, really.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby VelvetElvis » Wed Oct 06, 2010 4:54 pm

Wedding Related Confession: I'm afraid nobody is going to plan a bachelorette party for me. I don't have many close female friends. 3 of my 4 bridesmaids live in new england. (And I'm a little jealous that my fiance's best man started immediate intensive bachelor party plans... i'm also totally terrified because i don't trust said best man AT ALL and they're going to vegas.)
I'll throw yours if you'll throw mine.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby powerfulcheese04 » Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:12 pm

Sounds good... where are you from again?
-Kim

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Postby VelvetElvis » Thu Oct 07, 2010 7:18 pm

m
Last edited by VelvetElvis on Mon Oct 01, 2012 11:06 am, edited 1 time in total.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby jotabe » Fri Oct 08, 2010 12:04 am

Sparta, TN
:shock:
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Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Oct 08, 2010 6:34 am

Indeed.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby Jayelle » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:08 am

We've totally had this conversation before.
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Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Oct 08, 2010 7:10 am

To sum up: I am from Sparta, and I am also Helen of Sparta. That hits two movies at once.
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Postby jotabe » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:02 am

Humour lies often in expected repetitions, JL ;)

And that proves you are awesome, HBC XD
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Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:08 am

Jota, did you doubt me?!
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Postby jotabe » Fri Oct 08, 2010 8:51 am

i didn't, of course, but it's good to have solid, scientific evidence!
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Postby VelvetElvis » Fri Oct 08, 2010 9:04 am

Oh good, we can still be friends.

And to make this less of a threadjacking:

Image

When my dress arrived (unaltered), I couldn't wait to put in on. I didn't even wash my hair!

Bonus if you spy something from a pwebber in the background!
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby Petra456 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 12:51 pm

I spy!!! : )

Oh my goodness, you're gorgeous!
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Postby ender1 » Fri Oct 08, 2010 1:08 pm

I spy too. :P

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Postby jotabe » Fri Oct 08, 2010 1:08 pm

lol ok :D Then make sure that now that you are in the cute wedding dress, Paris doesn't come and kidnap you and take you to Troy, TN XD
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Postby starlooker » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:12 pm

I'm getting married in the morning! Well, okay, mid-afternoon.

Rehearsal and rehearsal dinner done.

STILL have stupid last minute details to worry over. To worry over an awful, awful lot.

And now my friends are here and are not letting me worry.

~~

However, it is going to be a beautiful wedding.

And it felt really, really good standing at the altar with D and hearing/saying pieces of the vows.

Really good.

And I'm excited and tired and happy.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:22 pm

I am so thrilled for you. I hope it's a beautiful, meaningful day. Try to set aside a handful of minutes for you and D to just breathe. Hugshugshugs!

Oh, and I hope there's no murder. *nods sagely*
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Postby Rei » Fri Oct 08, 2010 10:40 pm

Woohoo! That is very exciting :D May I suggest a glass or six of wine between the ceremony and the reception?

Also may there be no murder at your wedding.
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Postby steph » Fri Oct 08, 2010 11:12 pm

Yay!!! Have FUN!
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Postby Jayelle » Sat Oct 09, 2010 4:34 am

Hooray! Have a fun day. I can't wait to hear all about it.
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Postby Petra456 » Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:32 am

Congratulations!
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Postby Luet » Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:43 am

I'm so happy for you that it's finally here!
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Postby Gravity Defier » Sun Oct 10, 2010 8:10 am

You should be a Mrs. now, on top of being a Dr. Congratulations, Kirsten and the best of luck.
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Postby VelvetElvis » Sun Oct 10, 2010 9:50 am

I woke up think of you, kirsten! I hope you are having the best day of your life (so far).
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Postby Jayelle » Wed Oct 13, 2010 3:54 pm

I'm getting impatient for wedding stories, K.

Just kidding. But I'm excited to hear all about it when you're done honeymooning.
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Postby VelvetElvis » Sat Oct 16, 2010 11:12 am

Appointment to interview potential new photographer on the 22nd. Still need addresses. What a PIA.
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Postby starlooker » Sat Oct 16, 2010 12:25 pm

Alrighty, folks. Some lessons learned if I had it to do again. Both positive and negative.

1. First and foremost, APPOINT SOMEONE (or two someones) TO RUN INTERFERENCE regarding the stupid little details of the night. Someone close to but not necessarily in the bridal party. Even if you're more of a micromanager than I am, there will probably be stupid little details that people have a questions about. Find an organized friend, in or outside of the wedding party, to refer these people to. I was trying to enjoy our wedding party opening their gifts when, in a hot, crowded room, I got cornered -- literally -- by a very blunt and demanding uncle and cousin regarding the disposal of the wedding gifts. I was SO not in the mindframe to handle it. Granted, this is something I should've thought of before, but it was possibly the most insane week of my life, and I hadn't, and I ended up snapping at them pretty harshly (the only time that day or night anything like that happened). Hubby and brother-in-law ended up dealing with it.

Also, do not appoint the MOH to do this, as her job if you're getting really rattled/claustrophobic/overheated is to find a discreet backdoor and whisk you outside to get some air and make you laugh again before rejoining the party.

2. SPEND THE MONEY ON THE PHOTOGRAPHER if you're certain it's the right photographer. I mean, obviously, if you love a photographer who is priced quite low, that's fabulous. I was SO thinking that this was the area of my budget I would cut. But I was so, totally, completely in love with the work of this woman. She has a photojournalist background. She took pictures at the waterbirth a friend of mine had, and so I knew she was able to be discreet but also get the shots. Also, the slideshow of that birth makes me cry every single time I watch it. It's just honest and emotional and beautiful.

When it turned out she cost more than I had wanted, man, we got busy figuring out other things we could cut on the budget. And I do not regret this whatsoever, even though I haven't seen the pictures yet. It was fabulous. She found the perfect spot for D and I to meet. She got the posed shots we wanted, but otherwise was just constantly observing. Equipment was professional. At the reception she was the only person not constantly after me to get a picture -- she just followed me and the other guests around and captured moments. She was everywhere something great was happening, as if by magic. She took around 1600 shots, total. I am totally in love with her professional manner and have a lot of confidence about the photos we are going to get.

3. GET SOMEONE TO VIDEOTAPE. This was an area of our budget we cut, didn't spend time looking for a cheaper alternative, and I wish we had because I did not realize how much of the wedding I would miss as the bride :) For example, apparently my ring bearer was totally fascinated with the sounds his shoes made on the floor of the aisle and was making sure they were clomping with every step. It was apparently adorable, but I was hiding out waiting for my entrance and missed it. Also, apparently my flower girls (age 6) were just so intensely focused on the service -- listening to every word and occasionally nodding seriously to something the pastor said. And then my brother starting to cry during his solo. I missed all of that. Granted, I was totally wrapped up in my own lovely point of view -- which was indescribable and wonderful -- but I'd still like to have the tape to look at from a different perspective.

4. CHANGE INTO THE COMFY SHOES. I went ahead and wore the beautiful but impractical shoes throughout the dance because, well, I was walking on air and had all sorts of endorphins/adrenaline flowing, and I didn't really notice my feet hurting and didn't feel like having anyone run out to get them. So, yeah, the next day my two big toes were completely numb and the pedicure removal of callouses on my foot had been completely wasted.

5. If there are people coming to the reception you really, really want to spend some time with -- arrange to spend some time with them prior to the wedding, or post-wedding, because there's not nearly enough time to talk to people during the reception. You're being pulled in about a dozen different directions.

6. It doesn't matter if you're doing the sixth grade hold and sway for the first dance. Yeah, I wish we'd learned to waltz or something, kind of. Not really. It wasn't for other people. It was for us. We were just natural and put our heads together and talked and were happy and in our own little world the whole time and per my bridesmaid, it was beautiful. (And I got to waltz with my daddy later on, anyhow, kind of.)

7. Tell no one where you are spending the night and have a trusted friend with a garage for your car. We were not harrassed in any way, and nothing bad happened to the car. Hallelujah, as our families and friends totally would have at least messed with the car if we hadn't. If you don't mind, fine, but we would've.

8. Just let yourself be in love and express that during speeches and to one another and people will feel glad they are there. Including you.

9. Kinkos is actually very reasonably priced when it comes to programs. And they will fold them for you for an additional couple of dollars. It helps if you have a friend who does fundraising and PR for a living to help turn your mock-up into something elegant.

10. Trial runs for hair and make-up are completely necessary if someone else is doing them. If you are not an assertive person, bring someone with you who is to say that the foundation is too dark or whatever. Otherwise, get ready to step it up and make sure to say what you honestly think. They will not be offended and the whole point of the trial run is for you to figure out what you do/do not want to save time and emotional energy on the morning of the wedding.

11. Appoint two people who you trust most to help you out with your dress in the bathroom if it's a fluffy dress that will require help. Also, wear thigh highs if you're wearing stockings so that your underwear can be pulled off/on quickly. Given the amount of material in my dress, it was actually a really modest experience, as holding the dress in their arms prevented anyone from seeing anything. I was really nervous about this, but after the first time, I realized that I might as well just stay hydrated because it was so not a big deal.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby VelvetElvis » Thu Oct 21, 2010 7:44 pm

So one of my friends just asked if it would be ok if we went to the Wildhorse Saloon for my bachelorette. That's only my dream bachelorette party.


Yay! Guess I need to dust off my line dancing skills! And learn the cowboy boogie, which I have been looking for an excuse to learn.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Postby Eaquae Legit » Fri Oct 22, 2010 12:40 am

*thumbsup*

Now, if you want to display some real old-school skills, you should learn the Achey Breakey Heart.
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