Confessions of a 20-something mother

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:08 pm

So I'm on campus early and I decided to stop at the computers in the PAC (main gym thing) to check pweb... and everything was going fine until I glanced up and saw my rapist walk past me. its been about 3 years since I saw him last and I wasn't even sure if he worked on campus anymore. I've avoided the cafateria where he works just in case. I was not prepared to see him. My heart litterally skipped a beat and still hasn't slowed down. I am completely freaked out and feel pretty unsafe. but there is no one here I can talk to about it and my phone is dead and I am kinda frozen to this spot with fear and tryig to not have a complete PTSD panic attack break down.
But writing about how scared I am is helping just a little bit. I think I am going to run and hide in the wrestling room where I know there are people i feel safe with even if I can't talk to them about it.

I'm so freaked out

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby powerfulcheese04 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:39 pm

I love you, Teresa. Please be safe. Go home!
-Kim

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby starlooker » Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:40 pm

*hugs*
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Gravity Defier » Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:15 pm

*hugs* Be safe; you are loved.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby LilBee91 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 7:37 pm

*big hugs*

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Luet » Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:48 pm

I am so sorry. *hugs*
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Syphon the Sun » Thu Nov 08, 2012 8:58 pm

*hugs* Be safe; you are loved.
This.
Step softly; a dream lies buried here.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby elfprince13 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:12 pm

*hugs* Be safe; you are loved.
This.
What they all said.




That's so scary.
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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Petra456 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:15 pm

*big hugs*
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Young Val » Thu Nov 08, 2012 9:27 pm

Echoing the above. When you are in a safe place, and calm, please check in to let us know that you're ok.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:02 pm

I'm home now and feeling much better. I went to the wrestling coaches office and listened to him ramble on about politics, Then practice started and Chris got there and I felt much much better. and now that practice is over I feel all better. We are home now.

This is going to be an unfortunate side affect of being involved in coaching the women's wrestling team on campus. I knew I was going to see him at some point. I mean I will eventually eat food there and thats where I will see him the most because he works in the cafeteria... and thats where I was expecting to see him. I was just surprised to see him in the PAC because he wasn;t supposed to be there...

It sucks because I love my college and the wrestling girls. but seeing him makes it hard to be there, heck I almost failed my last class because I was scared to go on to campus. I guess this is just one more reason I really need to get it in gea and see a therapist. I hate him so much.

Thank you all for being here for me to panic to and to say encouraging things and for all the hugs.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:04 pm

*Double Post*

Thankfully I don't think he saw me, and if he did he didn't say anything or interact with me at all

so there is that

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby elfprince13 » Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:18 pm

I'm glad you're okay and found somewhere safe. Yucky that you'll have to encounter him again in the future.

As a wrestling coach (and presumably thus someone who knows how to wrestle pretty well) are you at all qualified to simply beat him into submission if you ever needed to do so? If so, is being aware of that something that would help you stay calm or feel more in control of the situation in the future? If not, have you considered taking self defense classes so you could do so if you needed to?

(trying to be supportive here, so if this didn't make sense or is insensituve, or me as a boy obviously not understanding the problem, please say so and/or ignore me)
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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Fri Nov 09, 2012 3:10 am

As a wrestling coach (and presumably thus someone who knows how to wrestle pretty well) are you at all qualified to simply beat him into submission if you ever needed to do so? If so, is being aware of that something that would help you stay calm or feel more in control of the situation in the future? If not, have you considered taking self defense classes so you could do so if you needed to?
Yes and no, I am a knowledgeable wrestler and think of myself as strong for someone my size. but i am also 4 feet 11 1/2 inches short and weighed 120 lbs when it happened and wasn't able to "beat him into submission" then, but I was able to fight him off after a while. and while knowing that helps a little bit, I will always as a woman be weaker than most men even those who are close to as small as me let alone those much bigger than me. But truly it is more a problem of the PTSD that can send me into a full blow can't breath bolt for safety sobbing in a ball on the floor panic attracts that can be brought on when I am surprised (or feel threatened by stupid a-hole ex- coworkers). They have been few and far between after the initial couldn't leave the house for four days because I was so scared period passed.

I just hope the encounters are few and far between, and that the PTSD doesn't start getting in the way of what I want to do. like coaching. Or if I can't go to nursing school because my shoulder gets in the way I'd want to get my teaching degree and my college has an amazing masters program but I don't know if I can commit to being on campus 5 days a week for a full year if I might get so freaked out that I can't do it no matter how hard I try because i'm scared.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby elfprince13 » Fri Nov 09, 2012 6:43 am

*hugs*
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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby steph » Fri Nov 09, 2012 1:58 pm

I can't even imagine how horrible that must feel. Prayers of safety and peace are heading your way!
"When I look back on my ordinary, ordinary life,
I see so much magic, though I missed it at the time." - Jamie Cullum

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby powerfulcheese04 » Fri Nov 09, 2012 8:04 pm

I just ate an entire bowl of instant mashed potatoes for dinner.


In my defense, I got to work at about 7:45AM and was supposed to leave at 6pm. I left at 8pm. I was all ready to leave at 6, but my other doctor was in an emergency c-section and a terrible laceration walked in. We ended up deciding to treat the puppy as a project/learning case. (The person who brought it in had just found it and couldn't afford to treat, which is undertsandable, because it will likely be 1500-2000. But my boss agreed to let us try.)
-Kim

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Young Val » Mon Nov 19, 2012 10:49 am

David and I have been increasingly text-y as the years go by in our relationship, and on average, we send between 5 to 10 texts to each other throughout the work day. Sometimes it's practical stuff like, "Please pick up X on your way home" or "Are you going out for drinks after class?" Other times it's mushy hilarious couple-y stuff. Inside jokes or general worship. Lately, though, we've begun texting pictures to illustrate what we're saying. Complaining about a project? Text a picture of yourself making a grumpy face while holding up some paperwork. Romantic mush? Picture of your spouse smiling and making the "I love you" sign. It's now my new favorite thing.
Last edited by Young Val on Mon Nov 19, 2012 1:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby powerfulcheese04 » Mon Nov 19, 2012 12:31 pm

That's so sweet, Kelly! You guys make my heart melt.
-Kim

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Luet » Mon Nov 19, 2012 7:52 pm

I haven't been reading much lately because I'm struggling to stay awake past 9pm. :(
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Nov 20, 2012 12:13 am

Doing okay? Tired from work? I hope all is well. *hugs*

ETA: Just read Bob...*more hugs*
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Nov 20, 2012 7:14 pm

Going to look at another apartment tomorrow. Still can't afford it. Still pretending I can.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Nov 27, 2012 11:35 am

I know I can be a bit of a hypochondriac about things but my head has been hurting on and off since ice skating, so I've been worried I concussed myself or something.
Se paciente y duro; algún día este dolor te será útil.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Syphon the Sun » Wed Nov 28, 2012 4:49 pm

I am concussed. I'm sorry, but I can't get up. I have suffered a mild concussion.
Step softly; a dream lies buried here.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Young Val » Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:09 pm

I love my wedding and engagements rings because, duh, symbolism. But also I think they are just so dang pretty! Whenever they are particularly sparkly, I catch myself just staring and admiring them. Which makes me feel vain and shallow.


Another confession is that I toy with the idea of starting a marriage thread, so as not to clutter up the wedding planning thread with things unrelated to wedding planning, but I feel silly and self-indulgent about it. Does anyone other than me really feel the need to discuss marriage in general or in particular? I just don't know where else to report things like the fact that I nearly gave my Nana a heart attack when I removed my wedding band so that she could better inspect it. You would have thought I'd stabbed her, she was so shocked and horrified. Though, truthfully, I remove my rings a lot--always when I'm doing dishes, often when I'm cooking with raw meat or sticky doughs. I used to take them off in the shower, but have since stopped that. I view this as strictly practical, but my Nana's reaction makes me feel guilty. Bah.
you snooze, you lose
well I have snozzed and lost
I'm pushing through
I'll disregard the cost
I hear the bells
so fascinating and
I'll slug it out
I'm sick of waiting
and I can
hear the bells are
ringing joyful and triumphant

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:29 pm

I toy with the idea of starting a marriage thread
Do it! I'll join in the conversation, heck I'd start it for you but you will make a much more eloquent first post I'm sure :stoned:

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Syphon the Sun » Mon Dec 03, 2012 2:39 pm

Do it! I'll join in the conversation
Seconded.
Step softly; a dream lies buried here.

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby LilBee91 » Wed Dec 05, 2012 3:59 pm

Confession: I watched four hours of Boy Meets World instead of studying for finals...

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby VelvetElvis » Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:02 pm

I left all the towels in the floor this morning hoping my partner would notice and wash them, because I don't want to.
Yay, I'm a llama again!

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Luet » Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:13 pm

I know this is a stereotype but, in my experience, males don't tend to notice those things like we do.
"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." - Albert Camus in Return to Tipasa

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby thoughtreader » Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:38 pm

Agreed Nomi, Elvis please report back with your findings from todays towel experiment :stoned:

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby elfprince13 » Wed Dec 05, 2012 4:47 pm

I know this is a stereotype but, in my experience, males don't tend to notice those things like we do.
Like a proper computer scientist/boy, I heapsort most of my belongings. Heaps of things on the floor therefore translate in my mind to "intentionally left here by someone who wants it here" rather than "mess to clean up"
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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby jotabe » Wed Dec 05, 2012 7:00 pm

I know this is a stereotype but, in my experience, males don't tend to notice those things like we do.
Like a proper computer scientist/boy, I heapsort most of my belongings. Heaps of things on the floor therefore translate in my mind to "intentionally left here by someone who wants it here" rather than "mess to clean up"
It's what i call "entropic spontaneous ordering".
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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby starlooker » Thu Dec 06, 2012 8:26 am

I shoulda been a guy. I totally do that.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
There's another way to lean
into the wind, unafraid.
There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Re: Confessions of a 20-something mother

Postby Petra456 » Thu Dec 06, 2012 9:54 am

I have piles of clothes because, well, i'm lazy. Will pretty much does all the laundry (I put the clothes away, but i'm horrible at keeping up with my end of the deal). I hardly ever wash the laundry, so the rule is if it's in a pile on the floor, it's dirty and he will wash it.
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.


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