Philotic Web

I can't find the post that would put this more in context, I don't have the time to search, and the actual search is only pretending to work now. I've also said this off-board to something like 2 people, so it's maybe less confessional than something brand new.


Confession: [insert quote here where I think Satya said he never understood why LG was so well-liked.]

I hope that if/should/when I leave Pweb, even though I won't be able to see it, that someone will say that about me because I ask myself that question every day I'm on the board. This is not fishing for anything, so don't. Please.


I keep hoping oldies come back and newbies post more because I miss the former and mostly like the latter, but even more than that, I just want to blend in again and be overlooked. Old habits die hard, so I'm still posting the same amount I always have but I miss being less out there.


I worry constantly that thinking those things make me conceited, that I actually am conceited.

As much as I love some people, I wish I could love them from just slightly further away.

I don't remember if I've posted this before but when I'm depressed or anxious and I have time to kill in a store, I find it very cathartic to reorganize things. Alphabetize books, organize lipsticks/nailpolish by color, etc. Well, yesterday I was in Target and they had underwear on sale so the whole display was a disaster. I spent 30 minutes putting everything back in their proper places. I set the dividers back into slots, separated colors, styles...and looked like a lunatic. But wow, did I feel better afterwards.

I don't normally do whole displays, but very often I will neaten things up if a row is askew or there's a tipped-over bottle. I've baffled more than one shop person by walking up to them and holding something out and saying "I found this in X aisle, where it clearly doesn't belong, where does it go?" or handing it to them to replace. Since mostly I get smiles and the occasional thank-you, I keep doing it.

I hope I've lost my grasp on reality. Every other option is much scarier.

Computer gaming has saved my life from the brink of suicide.

I don't remember if I've posted this before but when I'm depressed or anxious and I have time to kill in a store, I find it very cathartic to reorganize things. Alphabetize books, organize lipsticks/nailpolish by color, etc. Well, yesterday I was in Target and they had underwear on sale so the whole display was a disaster. I spent 30 minutes putting everything back in their proper places. I set the dividers back into slots, separated colors, styles...and looked like a lunatic. But wow, did I feel better afterwards.

You totally crack me up. I hope that's okay to say in a confessional. Why don't you get a job there? You would have made a few bucks....

Tyler has been asking me all sorts of "what's your favorite" questions. What's your favorite food? color? movie? song? animal?

My confession: I have no idea. I can't pick a favorite anything. I know that there are some things I like better than others, but to pick one absolute favorite? I can't seem to do it. I don't know if it's fear of being labeled and put into a box that I don't like and can't get out of or something else all together. I find it rather frustrating.

http://www.beforeyouwerehot.com/


Confession: I am tempted to submit pictures there.

I'd be okay with the "now" pictures, since most of the people who've already submitted are pretty much average and not so "hot" (is that a bitchy thing to say?), so I'd fit in just fine, but they seem to have little to no idea what it actually means to have been an ugly duckling. I have actively collected as many pictures of myself from the age of 11 to 20 that I could find, I was so bad.

No, really. I have a Pwebber witness who, after seeing my trollish ways, has lived to see another day.


Confession: Even though I am secretly glad said Pwebber had the reaction they did (basically, "You were right."), I'm embarrassed I ever looked that way in the first place.

I don't remember if I've posted this before but when I'm depressed or anxious and I have time to kill in a store, I find it very cathartic to reorganize things. Alphabetize books, organize lipsticks/nailpolish by color, etc. Well, yesterday I was in Target and they had underwear on sale so the whole display was a disaster. I spent 30 minutes putting everything back in their proper places. I set the dividers back into slots, separated colors, styles...and looked like a lunatic. But wow, did I feel better afterwards.

You totally crack me up. I hope that's okay to say in a confessional. Why don't you get a job there? You would have made a few bucks....

I live to amuse you.

It would no longer be fun and relaxing if I worked there and HAD to do it.

Confession: I get a sick sense of excitement when I complete a big assignment. Somewhere between Word's uncanny ability to just make things look damn good now using styles and my arrogance looking for fuel to feed it I just become anxious to see the awesome grade I'm going to get out of it.

...I also hate being wrong :-p

Tyler has been asking me all sorts of "what's your favorite" questions. What's your favorite food? color? movie? song? animal?

My confession: I have no idea. I can't pick a favorite anything. I know that there are some things I like better than others, but to pick one absolute favorite? I can't seem to do it. I don't know if it's fear of being labeled and put into a box that I don't like and can't get out of or something else all together. I find it rather frustrating.

Nothing wrong with not having favourites! It's so easy for kids because they have such a limited experience with the world. Grown ups know that there are so many good things that it's impossible to pick just one.

I'm a convert to corgis, I think. They really are adorable. I was reading a cracked article, and that led to pictures of dorgis (dachshund-corgi cross), which are amazing because somehow they have the goofiest characteristics of both dogs. And then last night I dreamed I found a homeless corgi and took it in. He was adorable.

Sadie (my dad's corgi) is seriously one of the weirdest dogs i've ever lived with/known. I absolutely love her! She tries her hardest to jump up on anything, but she's just too short/long to actually make it, it's hilarious!

STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT I WANT A CORGI SO BADLY AND YOU GUYS ARE NOT HELPING AND I'M FINALLY LIVING SOMEWHERE THAT WOULD ALLOW ONE BUT GEEEEEEEZE.

Confessions time.

On the subject of pets, I am embarrassed to confess that I was almost relieved when I had to find someone to take Jude off of my hands. The condo that I'm renting is all hardwood floors, and he would not be good to them, especially if I let him out of his cage, which is pretty much mandatory for a healthy rabbit. Plus, moving him here would have been extremely difficult, as my car was absolutely full to the brim, to the point that I had to clear a tiny hole to see out of the rear-view mirror, and I had only packed the essential things, too, so I would have had to leave him with someone and come back to get him. Finally, after two years, the novelty of finally fulfilling my childhood dream was wearing off.

And now, naturally, I miss him. Well, not now. Almost immediately. But I can still safely say that he's probably happier with the girl who adopted him, as she had just lost a rabbit to old age and seemed extremely caring and promised they had a nice yard. I just need to keep reminding myself that, in a year or so, if all goes according to plan, I'll upgrade. To that corgi. And name her Edward.

Another confession! I haven't been posting because I moved. The job is pretty crappy, has horrible hours, etc., etc., everything I've said, but will hopefully lead to much bigger, exciting ventures. The condo is awesome, and is mine. Mine! And only me. I haven't not had a roommate ever. It's pretty lonesome, though, and I need to find ways to meet people comfortably.

Which leads to the final confession, I'm taking a bit of a risk by getting Clear internet instead of Comcast, 1) because I really, really don't want to support Comcast and their bandwidth strangling ways, 2) because it's about $20 cheaper per month and doesn't insist on raising the price for every year you are loyal, and 3) because my brother swears by it, and he's tried about every internet under the sun. Plus, I hear they've improved a lot since they stopped being Clearwire, and from multiple sources.

Anyway, more stable internet soon! Woooooo! No more of this "Oh, cool, I can get an hour of free internet every six hours with ads popping up every five minutes and hopefully won't get dropped" stuff.

So, I'm a virgin. There, I've said it for the first time in months, since I jokingly told my mother, who has been convinced I wasn't one since I was 17 or so and spent way too much time alone with boys (Alas, I really WAS interested in having 5 hour long conversations about economic theory). I'm absolutely terrified to go back out on the dating market because I feel like it is bound to come up, or at least, my lack of being comfortable with someone is going to show. I'm at the point where I have friends with children, who are getting married, etc, and I just can't relate to that at all. I felt like I was pushing it off until I turned 18, until I turned 20, whatever, and now its like, woah, it still hasn't managed to happen. I just feel I've gotten stuck in a rut again--I went full speed from never been kissed to nearly done it in a 15 minute period, so maybe slowing down IS for the best.

And name her Edward.

Does not compute.

So, I'm a virgin. There, I've said it for the first time in months, since I jokingly told my mother, who has been convinced I wasn't one since I was 17 or so and spent way too much time alone with boys (Alas, I really WAS interested in having 5 hour long conversations about economic theory). I'm absolutely terrified to go back out on the dating market because I feel like it is bound to come up, or at least, my lack of being comfortable with someone is going to show. I'm at the point where I have friends with children, who are getting married, etc, and I just can't relate to that at all. I felt like I was pushing it off until I turned 18, until I turned 20, whatever, and now its like, woah, it still hasn't managed to happen. I just feel I've gotten stuck in a rut again--I went full speed from never been kissed to nearly done it in a 15 minute period, so maybe slowing down IS for the best.

Meh. I waited 'til I was eighteen. It's nothing special. Don't sweat it. I waited, then I started, then I stopped again. Which is weird, because I'm a helluva lot more attractive now than I was then from 18-22. It's been awhile, but it's not something that's worth all the supreme effort most people put into 'getting some.'

And name her Edward.

*giggles madly* That is so splendid

So, I'm a virgin. There, I've said it for the first time in months, since I jokingly told my mother, who has been convinced I wasn't one since I was 17 or so and spent way too much time alone with boys (Alas, I really WAS interested in having 5 hour long conversations about economic theory). I'm absolutely terrified to go back out on the dating market because I feel like it is bound to come up, or at least, my lack of being comfortable with someone is going to show. I'm at the point where I have friends with children, who are getting married, etc, and I just can't relate to that at all. I felt like I was pushing it off until I turned 18, until I turned 20, whatever, and now its like, woah, it still hasn't managed to happen. I just feel I've gotten stuck in a rut again--I went full speed from never been kissed to nearly done it in a 15 minute period, so maybe slowing down IS for the best.

I was 26. *shrug* That's the way I wanted it. If they're worth having sex with, then they'll understand and be kind when the time comes. Being stressed about it will only make everything (from dating to sex) worse. Just keep being yourself and it'll fall into place eventually.

Confession:

Keekers (Will's cat) is in getting spayed right now, and i'm completely nervous. I know it's seriously NOTHING, and it's a really really good thing. it's just... She's not here, and she was in such a good mood before we had to put her in her crate, take her on a half hour car ride, and leave her with strangers in a strange place. I feel bad for her, and worried.

I know she's fine. I'm just being silly.

Confession: When I walked into the room the first thing I spotted was the pink Hepburn poster and the only thing I could think from that point forward was "omg, this is her room;" despite knowing full well that it wasn't.

I'd rather be somewhere else.

Confession:

Keekers (Will's cat) is in getting spayed right now, and i'm completely nervous. I know it's seriously NOTHING, and it's a really really good thing. it's just... She's not here, and she was in such a good mood before we had to put her in her crate, take her on a half hour car ride, and leave her with strangers in a strange place. I feel bad for her, and worried.

I know she's fine. I'm just being silly.

I felt exactly the same when I had to drop off Reece to get him neutered. It sucks that you can't really explain to animals that you really are doing it for their own good and you are terribly sorry. Well, not so that they understand, anyhow.

Confession: It is almost always easier to be a victim. Why can't I move on?

Confession: It is almost always easier to be a victim. Why can't I move on?

Oh my, do I hear you.

This is possibly the dumbest post I've made.

Confession: I killed a bug today (just a few minutes ago).

That in itself isn't really so bad; I probably kill many creatures all the time without realizing it. But this time, this was due to carelessness on my part and just not really paying enough attention. And it was a direct consequence of my own conscious actions (though an accident), not indirectly through inaction or something.

That's.... tough. I don't think I can remember the last time I did something like that. To know first-hand that as a direct result of my decisions and incompetent action, that little guy is gone when they would have otherwise been fine, is not pleasant. And not something I am accustomed to. I suppose I should stop thinking about it. It makes me sad.

Alas.

Confession: I thought moving to a new area of the city would get me out of my funk. No luck so far I'm afraid.

I slept till noon today and I really feel like I could go back to bed.

Confession: I thought moving to a new area of the city would get me out of my funk. No luck so far I'm afraid.

3 attempts down, 4th on the way...

Confession: I thought moving to a new area of the city would get me out of my funk. No luck so far I'm afraid.

3 attempts down, 4th on the way...

You always know how to say just the right thing Cam. But at least it is only a year lease right?

I am going to laugh over pretty much all of this tomorrow but right now, I'm majorly bummed over something so ridiculous, I should be laughing right now.

I will expand on this when the time is right; I had to put this out there to provide future-me more fodder for laughing.

I can't whistle. Or rather, I can, sometimes, maybe, but only a single short note. If I'm lucky.

I can't whistle. Or rather, I can, sometimes, maybe, but only a single short note. If I'm lucky.

Same here. My husband is a great whistler.

I can whistle breathing in and out. I just wish I could do that loud whistle with the fingers in the mouth. That'd be awesome.