Confessions of a 20-something mother

[steph]

Confession: I finally feel like I fit this thread!

[Noodle]

Dude! Taal!

Confession: I finally feel like I fit this thread!

This post deserves a double one for each line.

[Confessions]

I love my girlfriend terribly, but there are times I wish she was more... Girly? Sexy.

She'll wear a dress only on the rarest occasions. Even rarer does she wear makeup, though I'm all right with that piece. No skirts. No fancy shoes—adamantly no heels. Almost exclusively wears t-shirts.

For the most part, I don't mind. But when I see other girls looking sexy as he'll, I can't help but feel like I'm missing out.

She could be sexy if she tried, she just doesn't want to, and I respect that, but that doesn't make it any less disappointing.

[Gravity Defier]

My knee-jerk reaction:

What are you doing to try to be sexier (I hope you mean sexier and not sexy in the last part "She could be sexy if she tried"; if you don't find her sexy in jeans and a t-shirt, given that's her M.O., that's kind of troublesome in my opinion) for her? Oh, right! Men don't have to worry nearly as much as women about being physically pleasing! Damn, I wish I were a man sometimes.


My less knee-jerk reaction:

Have you talked to her about this or would it just cause problems?

[VelvetElvis]

I've been in the same situation, but reversed. As in, sometimes I wish my husband would put away the Spiderman 3 t-shirt he's had for years. I try to indirectly control the situation by upping the ante in my own dress and suggesting that he should match, and of course complementing him like crazy when he does. Sometimes I'll also play the "remember when" card and mention a time he was dressed nicely, then finish with a "you were really freakin' hot."

[Gravity Defier]

For some of us, it's not a matter of laziness (all the time) that has us dressing the way we do. It is a matter of emotional/mental comfort and the more people say "I think you'd look okay like this," the more it pushes people like me away from that. The attention from the majority of people who would say something is largely uncomfortable and unwanted (feels kind of like being in a zoo) and it feels like I'm trying to be someone I'm not when I do it.

Now, if I knew it would make the SO happier for me to try, if approached the right way, I'd probably want to do it for them. Of course I want to look sexy for that person. I just don't know what would be reasonable to make him stop thinking I was a disappointment for not doing it more often/all the time.




(Uh, to be clear, I am not the girlfriend in question here; I'm pretty sure I know who Confessions is but it's not anyone I'm dating. )

[Confessions]

(I hope you mean sexier and not sexy in the last part "She could be sexy if she tried"; if you don't find her sexy in jeans and a t-shirt, given that's her M.O., that's kind of troublesome in my opinion)

I find her very attractive in any state. I do not often find her sexy.

We have talked about, but I think our messages got crossed. She's made attempts to be more sexy in e bedroom, which is appreciated, but she was already sexy enough in that setting.

I just want to be able to get dressed up nice and go out, but it doesn't work when the most dressed up she gets is khakis and a sweater. Even on the rare occasion she wears a dress, she doesn't wear a dress. It's like she's wearing khakis and a sweater that are shaped like a dress.

[Gravity Defier]

I am trying really hard to see your side as anything more than what I'm seeing it as, I promise I am, but I'm just sympathizing so much more with her. I don't think your feelings on the matter aren't important but really, there is so much pressure on women to be this for men as it is.

But you all know I have issues with this whole thing so please don't take my opinions too personally.

[Luet]

Does she have low self-esteem? Is she unhappy with her weight? Does she have a history of physical or sexual abuse? I only ask because sometimes, not always, the things you describe have deeper issues behind them. I say this from personal experience.

[Confessions]

Does she have low self-esteem? Is she unhappy with her weight?

She has awful self-esteem, but she's completely in denial about it, which makes it difficult to help her improve her self-image.

I am trying really hard to see your side as anything more than what I'm seeing it as, I promise I am, but I'm just sympathizing so much more with her. I don't think your feelings on the matter aren't important but really, there is so much pressure on women to be this for men as it is.

It's hard not reading your posts as to suggest that I don't sympathize with her. I do. I know these things. That's why I'm posting anonymously on a forum about it instead of foolishly trying to pressure her into changing her ways.

[Gravity Defier]

I'm sorry. It simply feels like your first post confirms so much of what I've already heard from men and what I fear continuing to hear. "If you don't do X, Y, and/or Z, I'll still love you but I'll be disappointed with your appearance/body. But, hey, don't get upset when I tell you I find this other stuff, Hollywood or right next door, attractive. It's not like I'm comparing you to them..."

It makes me a little sad, is all. If you understand where she's coming from, well, that's something.

[Luet]

Yeah, honestly it could be my husband writing that post (other than the fact that he doesn't come here and I'm his wife, not girlfriend). He says he doesn't care what I wear or if I wear makeup but for all I know, he secretly feels differently. I do wear skirts/dresses twice a week to church and some of them are fairly fancy with heels. But other than that, I dress in a generally frumpy manner. I don't wear much, if any, makeup. I know why but I don't feel capable of changing any of it. I don't want to feel or look sexy. I actually bought a pair of short (for me; as in, shorter than the knee) shorts this spring but I never got up the nerve to wear them. I don't want men to look at me that way. And then I feel bad about myself that I'm not attractive. How messed up is that?

[Young Val]

I don't know, while I totally understand Nomi and Alea's points (and have been there myself) I think I have to side with Confessions, here. I think it's ok and natural and totally normal to want something like that from your partner once in awhile. It sounds like Confessions is being respectful of his girlfriend's boundaries and feelings, and is just a little wistful at the whole situation. And, having been in his shoes before, I totally get that.

[Gravity Defier]

Sounds to me like she does wear dresses on occasion but she's doing it "wrong." Can't win for losing.

[Gravity Defier]

Confessions, in case you couldn't tell or I wasn't clear, it's nothing against you. Please, please trust that I have some issues (or a lot) that I haven't dealt with properly and I'm unfairly looking at you to be a scape goat; most of these posts from me have been knee-jerk reaction type posts and I should have paused much longer before opening my mouth, if I still felt the need to at all. Most every guy on this board, that I know on any sort of level beyond the most superficial, is a decent guy. I know that. I doubt that you're an exception. Please forgive me for making you feel at all bad, because I'm assuming I did and you didn't deserve that.

[Luet]

*hugs Alea and Confessions*

[starlooker]

Sending my husband out to a job fair wearing a nice shirt and the pair of dress pants I had to spend months convincing him to buy. "Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man" is running through my head. He looks damn good. I love him in jeans and old t-shirts, but it's nice seeing him dressed up. Made me think of this thread.

[GS]

"Every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp dressed man" is running through my head. He looks damn good.

Are you just looking for some tush?

[neo-dragon]

Confession: It annoys me how people act like it's the Second Coming every time Apple launches a new product.

[Noodle]

Confession: I've been inadvertently ignoring some of my friends in favor of coming here recently. I need to find a balance.

[VelvetElvis]

We're your friends, too.

[Luet]

Of course, we don't want to discourage loyalty to other long-term friends, either. There's enough Noodle to go around...

[Noodle]

Helen, of course you're my friends. That's why I said neglecting "some" of my friends.

The trouble is, I was confronted by a friend today asking why I was ignoring them. I didn't have a good answer...

[Petra456]

I just found out narwhals are a real thing

It didn't help that people kept calling them the unicorn of the sea.

[Jayelle]

I just found out narwhals are a real thing

It didn't help that people kept calling them the unicorn of the sea.

Heehee!! I just saw a narwhal horn at the museum. It was crazy long! Apparently they live around here, but it's pretty rare to see one.

[Yebra]

Confession: It annoys me how people act like it's the Second Coming every time Apple launches a new product.

Free cloud storage in exchange for brand loyalty?

[VelvetElvis]

I wan to see a narwhal.

[neo-dragon]

Confession: It annoys me how people act like it's the Second Coming every time Apple launches a new product.

Free cloud storage in exchange for brand loyalty?

I don't like cloud storage either. I mean, it's useful being able to access content from anywhere, but if it's not actually on my hard drive I don't feel like I own it. That's why I wouldn't want a Chromebook.

[Platypi007]

Cloud services are great for some things. I use Sugarsync to back up my files and synchronize them with a couple of computers and my phone. I use Amazon's cloud drive for the music I've bought with Amazon. I like Google Calendar a lot and am using Gmail for my contacts these days.

However, I don't fully trust them. If I had some kind of super sensitive data, I wouldn't upload it to SS. I make sure I have local copies of my MP3s, and I have my contacts saved to my SIM card as well.

One major issue I have with cloud services is that you don't have any control over the service. If they decide to change something, start charging for something, or quit providing service then you are out of luck. I had been using Microsoft's MyPhone service to back up my Windows Mobile phone for a couple of years. My contacts, calendar, e-mails, texts, and media were all saved to the cloud and would restore automatically any time I lost it (this was great for when I was flashing ROMs on the phone). However, early this year I got an e-mail informing me that MS was no longer going to be offering this service, that they would migrate most of my stuff to their new cloud storage service and I could get a CD burned if I so desired. I'm pretty sure there is some new service for Windows Phone 7, but they phased out the older one and those of us with Windows Mobile 6.x were out of luck. I'm also pretty sure this was a not so subtle attempt to force people off the WinMo 6.x platform and onto the new Windows Phone 7 platform. (Yeah, I jumped ship and went with Android.)

So, I don't fully trust cloud services with my data ever, even if they have 99.999999999999% uptime guarantees, multiply redundant backups, and super-secure encryption. Even if your data is safe, you might come to rely n a service that will go away in a couple of years.

Just like computers didn't sign the death warrant on paper, cloud services won't sign the death warrant on local storage and services.

[Dr. Mobius]

The only cloud service I use is my Gmail inbox and there's nothing in there I can't live without. Though, it would be annoying having to move my bill notifications and paypal (not to mention all the various web accounts - including Pweb - linked to that email) to a different email if Gmail ever ceased to be. It's kinda weird to even think of Gmail as a cloud though, since I'm pretty sure cloud as it relates to internet storage wasn't even a term yet when I originally got my account (I believe it was invite-only beta at the time).

[Luet]

I was out taking bird pictures this morning and walking along railroad tracks for awhile. I happened upon a cat that had been cut in half on the tracks. How does a cat get caught unawares by a train?! Anyway, my confession is that I took a picture of the front half of the cat. I feel like this makes me a disturbed freak. But, it wasn't really decomposed much and it just looked so...odd. So, yeah.

[VelvetElvis]

I'm eating 4 scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast (with toast). Husband is eating cheerios. I keep telling him to come kiss me. That's what you get for having food allergies, husband. THAT'S WHAT YOU GET.

[Dr. Mobius]

I'm listening to the Cardinals game on the radio at work.

[Confessions]

im feeling really hurt and sad and i cant confront the source because im justifiably worried theyll just get upset and make me feel even worse

[zeroguy]

I can't say the alphabet backwards at all. I can't event remember what it is forwards without going through the song. When I go through the nato phonetic alphabet (when I was memorizing it, and to make sure I still know it), I can only get through a few of them before I have to go through the alphabet song to remember what the next letter is.