My Zombie Apocalypse Plan

[Satya]

Take over an aircraft carrier. Yeah. Good, right? Plenty of weapons for ship defense and you could stay on the water far away from the zombie infested mainland. Only go ashore to send expeditionary teams for supplies. Get a diverse group of talented individuals; doctors, engineers, pilots, fighters, computer techs, etc. Keep a few helicopters aboard. Have plenty of space for emergency supplies and passengers. If things get really hairy, you can always launch a few missiles at whatever the problem is. While zombies can't swim, they can survive underwater (in some theories), so being on the ocean would keep them from getting to you. Plus you could go anywhere on the planet, just stay offshore near one place until nearby supplies run out and then move on.

Thoughts?

[CezeN]

Hypothetically, if the zombies were like the ones in World War Z, where apparently some of the infested people on ships were wearing life jackets - and apparently after decaying some type of gas in the Zombies body would float it to the surface, you might be in danger on the sea.

Also, hypothetically if the zombies were created from virus that followed some actual, scientifically plausible way of re-animating a body, the zombies would be smart as fck.

[Satya]

That's why I'm leaning towards aircraft carrier and not something more passenger-friendly like a huge cruise-ship - defense guns. I don't like the idea of smart zombies, either. Which is why scientists would have to be part of the group. We'd need a way to eventually get rid of them all. In the meantime, we'd have to start repopulating the non-undead population. A carrier would allow you to get to other vessels, thus starting a fleet of floating human habitats.

[CezeN]

Authors note:

I am writing this from a fully and completely realistic point of view, I add none of the frivolous magical properties of a ghoul or zombie, and disregard the illogical completely. The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks, takes the first part of the book explaining the virus “Solanum,” and I am going to work off of that idea, using the same name. It is that concept alone that I am working with; that it is a virus. All other concepts are completely scientifically based and we will explore the possibility that a virus such as Solanum exists in nature and that it has the ability to infect a hosts brain cells (neurons), first by entering the circulatory system via bodily fluid interaction of an infected individual and an uninfected individual, and finally making its way to the neuronal cells and manipulating said cells. I will disregard the communicability of 100 percent used in the book in favor of a more realistic number, 99.4 percent as used in The Stand by Stephen King for a man-made virus (given that that is the most likely scenario for the creation of this virus). Critics may say that this is not a “zombie” contingency plan, and to them I say nay, it depends on your definition of “zombie.” Plus, I find the idea of realism much more horrifying than fiction. Fiction you can brush off as being something implausible… The following may be fiction, but it is very plausible.

Skip this if you don’t give a f*** about biology:

In order to realistically write a zombie contingency plan, one must have knowledge of how a zombie functions in order to exploit their weaknesses and predict their attacks. I am telling everybody right f****** now, the anatomy of the zombies outlined in The Zombie Survival Guide is impossible. The zombies would disintegrate, with cells lysing on a scale so grand that there is no way they could eat you/pass on the virus before turning into a pile of mush, let alone have the capacity of movement. Therefore, I am about to discredit any possibility in the known world for a human body to function without the proper systems in place. A virus is considered “pseudoliving” which means that it is not technically alive by the standards of science. Without the host cells machinery, a virus cannot grow or replicate. Thus, a virus must take control of the host cells machinery and use that machinery to create its own DNA and subsequent proteins. This hinges on one very important point, the cell must function as it has always functioned. It needs glucose, fat or protein to begin the aerobic respiration that uses oxygen as a final electron acceptor in the path to making ATP (energy) to run the metabolic processes of the cell.

The implications of this are great, the zombie has to have working lungs to bring oxygen into the system, working circulatory system to transfer said oxygen along with nutrients and wastes, and systems which can eliminate said wastes. This brings into light the very real weaknesses of the zombie. It must be “living” for all intents and purposes, but that does not mean it will be easy to kill. Here’s the kicker: The virus can manipulate the cells. The neuronal cells that stop replicating in adult humans are once again capable of regeneration, a virus can lie dormant in a cell for very long periods of time (as evidenced by HIV, which progresses into AIDs once the virus decides to lyse the cells releasing the virus into the system) and make the cell replicate with viral DNA in the nucleus creating hundreds of cells with viral DNA in them. This means the virus will make the neuronal cells replicate, creating millions of new neurons each with viral DNA in them, each with the ability to control more of the processes of the human brain. One may also imply that the zombie is much smarter than your average human being, with a larger number of neuronal cells capable of propagating larger numbers of signals at a faster speed. I contest the idea that zombies are stumbling creatures with an off-kilter gate and little hand-eye coordination.

I believe that this hypothetical virus would create extremely intelligent humans which it would have full control over, by producing the proteins and enzymes of its own DNA rather than that of the original cell, it would be fully plausible that the human infected with this virus would be controlled by the desires of the virus, which would be to infect new hosts. Also, the infected individual would not be the same person they were in their lives with everything from memories to basic wants and desires being manipulated and changed by the virus. The zombie would also have a heightened set of sensory systems, and it’s plausible that the neural signals from their external body are blocked by the virus in the CNS, reducing and possibly eliminating the effects of pain or touch sensation. Furthermore, they may act with a hive mentality, working towards a common goal (and remember, they’re smart), and their circulatory system may be routed in order to increase the amount of blood to the muscles, increasing their strength and agility. The most horrific realization: They may look completely normal. The virus does not necessarily impact their vocal chords, and they would look like a regular human being. Their behavior would be notably different, but they could pass the virus on before the realization of what has happened is fully recognized.

Contingency Plan

With this knowledge in place, we can begin to determine what will and what will not work. Quarantines will be key in containing the virus to large areas (in the range of regions to complete countries). Given our inability to distinguish the zombies from the humans, large quarantine areas will be key. All air and sea ports should be shut down, and control of the army and air bases is essential. A 99.4 percent communicable virus can most likely become airborne, especially since viral particles are pseudoliving and can enter a dormant stage if not active in a cell (such is the case when they are housed within a water molecule, such as on a humid day). Dry climates are best due to such conditions, especially since a zombie lacks any other desire than to pass on its virus and thus does not drink, dehydration would be a good way to defeat them. Other ways to kill the zombies via natural causes would be to expose them to harsh environmental conditions, such as the extreme hot or cold, high saline, low/high pH and anoxic environments all fit the bill. Thus, the best areas to flee to would be the deserts, the higher and lower altitudes and the poles. The worst places would be the mountains, valleys, jungles and tropics.

Also, since they are human we can kill them if it comes down to that. We would want to see them coming given that a more intelligent being would outsmart us in a terrain war using the mountains or valleys. The plains and deserts are ideal for such a situation. Saskatchewan, where you can watch your dog run away for three days, is a good place to be for a zombie apocalypse. This is where the plan gets sleazy and corrupt. We need to get rid of these zombies before they kill us all, and we have to do it in a way that causes the least amount of damage, least bloodshed (especially into the water systems; I’ll say it again, viruses are pseudoliving, they can live in the soil and water forever until it attaches to a host cell whose machinery it can manipulate) and the most successful. Thus we will need two plans, one for “the bait” and one for “the survivors.” You’re reading the survivors guide. The bait will be those that believe a virus can evoke a stage of being “undead” in which these things cannot be killed and the mountains and valleys should be used to hide from and trick them.

The survivors guide is for those that know these f****** are smarter than us, and would kick our ass in a terrain based war of wit. Trust me, this is necessary. Think of the people we could get to follow the bait guide? Bush, Hannah Montana, the Jonas Brothers, etc. Man, I’m beginning to WELCOME the zombie apocalypse. Anyways, we can lure the zombies into the valleys and mountains, from there dams can be taken out and landslides created provided we still have control of the army bases (I thank you Wright brothers). Meanwhile, safe zones can be created and established in areas where the weather would kill any remaining zombies in a disposable manner (such as through freezing, and might I add that if you freeze a zombie it would be much like freezing a human, where the plasma and extra/intracellular fluid freezes into crystals which would tear the cells apart resulting in death). Due to the high communicability, the zombie bodies will have to be destroyed, I’m thinking a controlled nuclear blast in the areas the zombies were lured to. Fire is a good way to kill a virus, since even the pseudoliving cannot deny the destructive powers of heat to proteins which make up their outer coat. Thus, to the areas where any remaining zombies fled to and eventually died due to extreme environmental conditions, let the forest fires reign.

Note: this plan is kind of geared toward North and South America following the quarantine, it can be applied to Europe as well. Japan, if they got hit with this virus, they’re kind of screwed. Britain, you’re screwed. Australia… well you guys have all that poisonous stuff, so I’m pretty sure the zombies are afraid of you. China, f****** nuke them if this happens, because with that high of a population they are f******. Canada, Russia and the Scandinavian countries will pull through nicely, and the US, if you guys don’t go all batshit on me, you’ll be alright (I’m talking to you Utah, you and your Mormons, lol.)

[CezeN]

That's why I'm leaning towards aircraft carrier and not something more passenger-friendly like a huge cruise-ship - defense guns. I don't like the idea of smart zombies, either. Which is why scientists would have to be part of the group. We'd need a way to eventually get rid of them all. In the meantime, we'd have to start repopulating the non-undead population. A carrier would allow you to get to other vessels, thus starting a fleet of floating human habitats.

Do you live close enough to get to an aircraft carrier?

Also, another semi-intelligent thing I gleamed from World War Z by Max Brook was that you needed to distract the zombies from the important people, by herding most of the citizens to an area and providing them with some way of protecting themselves - simply so that there is less zombies going after the important people.

It's immoral but sounds smart, your thoughts?

Also, you'd need to repopulate the living in an area with natural protection, where would you suggest?

[Gravity Defier]

simply so that there is less zombies going after the important people.

It's immoral but sounds smart, your thoughts?

Define "important."

[Satya]

I think it means "valuable", as in, having useful skills/knowledge for the group's survival. (i.e., doctors, computer experts, scientists, engineers.)

I live on/near the Great Lakes, so possibly. Or at least, able to get to a vessel capable of getting to a naval base. Obviously for long-term repopulation apart from the ships, islands would be the best bet - isolated from larger land-masses, and easier to "cleanse" of any pre-existing zombies.

[CezeN]

They were the people that could re-establish societies structure, organize the living, think up a strategy to fight off the undead after initially regrouping, and teach others how to do the essential things that were/are below most of us, such as building houses, toilets, ect.

Pretty much, people that could help restart society wherever the group decideds to settle that is safe from the zombies, and the people that could think of a way to fight off the zombies, after gathering the survivors.

[CezeN]

I think it means "valuable", as in, having useful skills/knowledge for the group's survival. (i.e., doctors, computer experts, scientists, engineers.)

I live on/near the Great Lakes, so possibly. Or at least, able to get to a vessel capable of getting to a naval base. Obviously for long-term repopulation apart from the ships, islands would be the best bet - isolated from larger land-masses, and easier to "cleanse" of any pre-existing zombies.

Not saying the book is correct or knows what it's talking about or anything,
but in World War Z, the zombies that were in the oceans would eventually get washed up onto islands.

The islands were on constant attack.

[Satya]

Good definition. As for the islands, well, there just isn't much other option. Unless there's a place where you can take the ships far inland to an isolated area of a mainland, preferably with mountainous terrain where gun emplacements could be situated.

[Brian]

Well if we followed this rule, there would be no worries.

[jotabe]

Meh, this obsession with zombies is silly.

Everybody knows the real danger is when genetically engineered raptors take over the world!

[Gravity Defier]

Well if we followed this rule, there would be no worries.

I would watch that movie and love it.

Everybody knows the real danger is when genetically engineered raptors take over the world!

Is this what you've really been doing these past few years?

[jotabe]

I dunno what you are talking about whatsoever. I definitely haven't been breeding raptors to be exceptionally intelligent and unflinchingly loyal to me. Nope. That's not at all what i've been doing.




oops... did i say that out loud?

[CezeN]

I'm not afraid of no raptor

[Jayelle]

That's because you didn't grow up watching Jurassic Park, youngin'.

[CezeN]

....actually I did

[Jayelle]

Then comeon, dude, raptors are totally scary.

[CezeN]

Pssssh. Zombie raptors, maybe.





I'm ready in the event of a raptor. In fact, bring it on!

[Gravity Defier]

I'm ready in the event of a raptor. In fact, bring it on!

*laughs* I'd give you 28 seconds in a raptor attack and that's only if you start off indoors and they start off outdoors. And that's only because you're so confident about it. Seems to me, someone who was truly ready for anything of the sort would be much less cocky, knowing what they're up against.

[CezeN]

I have two japanese swords in my room.
I think I can handle a measly velociraptor.

[Mommy Brontosaurus]

*crashes thru Cezen's puny house, crushing him flat in the process*

Swords are no good against me!

[CezeN]

And what happens if you're reaching down to bite me, and I stab you in the eye?

And yes, I also dodge out of the way of the inevitable confused rampage reaction.

[Mommy Brontosaurus]

What kind of childhood did you have, that you think I'd stretch down to bite you? I'm after that tree in your backyard. Helllooooo - herbivore here!

Besides, you're already dead, impaled through the torso by a falling beam.

[CezeN]

Have you ever considered that maybe I'm soo poor, my clothes are handmade of leaves?

Of course, that pretty much paints a target on my back, front, crotch, and legs - but it also gives me the opportunity to stab you in the eye, after recovering from a glancing blow from a falling beam.
(no need to exaggerate )

[jotabe]

I have two japanese swords in my room.
I think I can handle a measly velociraptor.

You get your first look at this [measly velociraptor] [...]. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

[Eaquae Legit]

Clever girl...

[CezeN]

I have two japanese swords in my room.
I think I can handle a measly velociraptor.

You get your first look at this [measly velociraptor] [...]. You stare at him, and he just stares right back. And that's when the attack comes. Not from the front, but from the side, from the other two 'raptors you didn't even know were there. Because Velociraptor's a pack hunter, you see, he uses coordinated attack patterns and he is out in force today. And he slashes at you with this... a six-inch retractable claw, like a razor, on the the middle toe. He doesn't bother to bite your jugular like a lion, say... no no. He slashes at you here... or here... or maybe across the belly, spilling your intestines. The point is... you are alive when they start to eat you. So you know... try to show a little respect.

Do you have any proof that velociraptors travel in packs and that that just isn't a popular myth spread by their depiction in Jurassic Park?

And then, I parry and counter his[singular] slashes with my sword - and then stab him in the throat.

Though, hypothetically, if he somehow luckily managed to "spill" my intestines, he'll be remarkabley surprised . . .
when I'm strangling him with it.

My point is, he'll be dead when I start eating him.

[jotabe]

Do you have any proof that velociraptors travel in packs and that that just isn't a popular myth spread by their depiction in Jurassic Park?

[Bean_wannabe]

jotabe, I don't find that much of a sanction. To be honest, I find it more of an encouragement. Therefore:

Actually, the velociraptor used the claw as a slashing weapon rather than disembowling. They would take out your throat not your stomach. (Wikipedia)

And apparently, there's no evidence that they were pack hunters. A little for others of that type, but none for velociraptors in particular.

And why are they called velociraptors? Isn't a raptor a bird?

[vendor]

I wouldn't put too much trust in wikipedia.

[jotabe]

I wouldn't put too much trust in wikipedia.

Proof: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Wikipedia *



*Please note ED is extremely NSFW and extremely offensive for most human-type sensibilities.
mods: feel free to delete this post if posting that link is out of bounds

[Eaquae Legit]

Today I saw a copy of Abraham Lincoln: Zombie Hunter. Looks like some quality literature there, yep.

And then at dinner I got into a small argument with my future second-brother-in-law about whether the creatures in I Am Legend count as zombies. We agreed they didn't, but it was easier to call them that. I added finger-quotes as a concession, since "zombies" is easier than "genetically plague-altered sapient monsters".

[jotabe]

I added finger-quotes as a concession, since "zombies" is easier than "genetically plague-altered sapient monsters".

Here is where we disagree... i am not comfortable with the concept of wise zombies. I mean, mindless is almost like the stablished epithet for zombies.

[Eaquae Legit]

I added finger-quotes as a concession, since "zombies" is easier than "genetically plague-altered sapient monsters".

Here is where we disagree... i am not comfortable with the concept of wise zombies. I mean, mindless is almost like the stablished epithet for zombies.

Well, yes. This is why I conceded. They are now finger-quote-"zombies" rather than zombies. We don't actually disagree.