Dear Interwebs

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!

Should we keep Steve?

Poll ended at Thu Jul 22, 2010 6:04 pm

Definitely
2
11%
Maybe; only if Steve and Bob remain friends
9
50%
I'd rather talk to Bob
7
39%
 
Total votes: 18

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Dear Interwebs

Postby daPyr0x » Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:04 pm

So, I was thinking about Bob today. Bob's great and all, where you can let whatever you want out without judgement and the like; but what if you're open to response? I mean, Bob sometimes entertains entries like that, but really it's implied if not expected to not receive response for entries posted on Bob. So I figured I'd create Steve, just like Bob but open for discussion.

..perhaps I should have added the obligatory 1.0 to the title, haha

Anyways, I'll start.

Dear Steve,

Today I was hit on by a woman. If I wasn't so distinctly turned off by this particular woman I may have been more than entertained by the experience. However, regardless of the origin it's always a confidence booster. It's funny how much of my lack of success with women is caused by my being turned off by them rather than trying and failing. I mean, sure, I have done that too, and perhaps I don't try as a result of those experience; but the truth is I've been getting along pretty well alone. I don't need anybody, I just like having someone around. So I'm allowed to be picky - if I only want a woman to have someone to be around, I want to be around the right type of woman. That's nothing new though, I've always known much of my difficulty meeting people is centered around my inability to locate a place, a society of people, where I'm around the kind of people I want to be. Too bad my programming makes me supersensitive to judgement on places I don't want to be and people I don't want to be around.

I just need to find where to be, or figure out how to make somewhere be where I want to be...

--Cam
Last edited by daPyr0x on Sat Apr 24, 2010 3:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby Gravity Defier » Fri Apr 23, 2010 6:40 pm

This is probably not the first response you wanted but I thought you were writing an open letter to Boothby-Steve. This is not that, I see.
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Postby Luet » Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:20 pm

I actually like this idea. I'm not sure when it became forbidden to respond in Bob. I was always of the opinion that responses were okay as long as they were of a supportive nature (unless someone specifically asked for no responses). I only got upset when people wrote negative, criticizing responses. But Bob seems to have evolved and many times I don't want to post there because I don't want it to seem like I don't want responses and yet it seems like the best thread to use. So...yeah, I like this idea.

As to your experience Cam, good for you. I've never been hit on by a stranger. Well, once by a married guy twice my age from a foreign country...but I don't count that.
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Postby Eaquae Legit » Fri Apr 23, 2010 8:26 pm

I actually like this idea. I'm not sure when it became forbidden to respond in Bob. I was always of the opinion that responses were okay as long as they were of a supportive nature (unless someone specifically asked for no responses). I only got upset when people wrote negative, criticizing responses. But Bob seems to have evolved and many times I don't want to post there because I don't want it to seem like I don't want responses and yet it seems like the best thread to use. So...yeah, I like this idea.

As to your experience Cam, good for you. I've never been hit on by a stranger. Well, once by a married guy twice my age from a foreign country...but I don't count that.
Seconded. Even the last sentence. And I'll add a compliment on my shoes by a random (straight?) guy at a bar.
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Postby locke » Fri Apr 23, 2010 9:13 pm

This is probably not the first response you wanted but I thought you were writing an open letter to Boothby-Steve. This is not that, I see.
ditto.

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Postby jotabe » Sat Apr 24, 2010 6:55 am

so, dap is Cam? i thought cam was female name :oops:
And i also thought this was about boothby XD
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Postby starlooker » Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:00 am

It can be a female name. (See the character Cam on Bones.) But it's also short for Cameron, which is a male name.
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Postby jotabe » Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:19 am

Cameron is a male name, too? :shock: Learn something new every day...
(My only reference of Cameron as a name is Cameron Díaz >.> lol)
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Postby starlooker » Sat Apr 24, 2010 9:38 am

Yup :) Actually, Cameron Diaz is the only female Cameron I've ever known of -- I know a few Camerons who are guys. Mostly, I think, Cam for a female is short for Camille or Camilla.

(Correct me if I'm wrong, folks.)
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Postby Jebus » Sat Apr 24, 2010 1:07 pm

Shouldn't this thread be called "Dear Pweb"? Bob is called Bob to anthropomorphise the thread into the role of caring, supportive listener. There's no need for posts inviting responses from all of Pweb to be addressed to some "Steve" creation.

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Postby Luet » Sat Apr 24, 2010 1:42 pm

That's true. You could rename it Dear Pweb, or Dear All, or Hey Guys, or something. :)
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Postby daPyr0x » Sat Apr 24, 2010 3:45 pm

Sounds like an idea to me. I didn't think much about potential confusion using the name Steve, it was just another "average person name" that came to mind.
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Postby locke » Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:21 pm

why not dear jane?

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Postby jotabe » Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:48 pm

why not dear jane?
not bad a suggestion, jane didn't hold back being judgemental lol
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Postby ValentineNicole » Sat Apr 24, 2010 8:49 pm

I like "Dear interwebs" personally...reminds me of Conan :P

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Postby Gravity Defier » Mon Apr 26, 2010 1:37 am

I'm not sure when it became forbidden to respond in Bob. I was always of the opinion that responses were okay as long as they were of a supportive nature (unless someone specifically asked for no responses). I only got upset when people wrote negative, criticizing responses. But Bob seems to have evolved and many times I don't want to post there because I don't want it to seem like I don't want responses and yet it seems like the best thread to use. So...yeah, I like this idea.


I was supposed to stop messing around in the archives because, to be honest, it depresses me and I enjoy that depression a little too much, if that makes sense.

That is all besides the point. The point it, I'm looking through the archives and am in Bob now, from 2001. It is unbelievably (by our current standards) conversational; I'd say there's at least a 4:1 ratio of responses to Bob posts. I kind of like it but will freely admit to being conditioned to think responding in Bob is "wrong."

Maybe we should rethink our aversion as a group to responding in Bob and just making it a matter of noting when you don't want a response. Or maybe, since it has evolved, we should just use this thread for that. I don't know.
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Postby locke » Mon Apr 26, 2010 2:11 am

I remember Bob as being more conversational in the beginning.

Bob also has a history of a lot of heavy stuff being posted there (and always under your own name, before the confessions user name was invented) and there have times when the responses were... less than understanding.

But in a way, Bob was almost pwebs gossip-central thread. A sort of "the s***** and giggles in my life lately," a group diary, if you will. Bob evolved into something quite amazing though. A shame and blessing we don't have the archives to see how that took place. I think it was because the mods did police Bob, and as we enforced--and more importantly as the community supported and self-policed--the standard "A place where nobody judges you." People cared about Bob and the thread responded becoming somewhat the heart of pweb.

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Postby Luet » Mon Apr 26, 2010 5:02 am

I personally remember posting in Bob as recently as 3 years ago and getting some great responses, which was fine, and then Eriador said something that made me wish I had never posted. I'm not sure if that became the turning point in my mind but it's sad, nonetheless, that a couple people who can't control themselves can ruin things.
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Postby starlooker » Thu Apr 29, 2010 11:46 am

Dear Pwebbers,

I'm not sure if this is really what this thread was meant for -- perhaps it's more of a want-ads or complete randomness -- but, shoot, let's give it a go.

My 18-year old brother is graduating from high school at the end of May. He's brilliant, respectful, hard-working, involved in various academic competitions, band, and drama. Also quirky and very much his own person (e.g., a vegan living in West Texas, wouldn't let mom and dad give him a cell phone.) Kind to others, funny, good singer, popular in his class but not snotty -- was apparently the only one who would dance with a girl with MR at the senior prom, which seemed to make her night. (Not that he would tell me about this. My dad was a chaperone at prom, though, being a high school teacher.) I am ridiculously proud of him. I can't believe what an awesome man he's turning into. (He was such a brat in childhood. SUCH a brat. Beyond the norm of most children. I'm glad he's had such an awesome high school experience.)

Any ideas for graduation gifts that would be useful and/or meaningful as he prepares to go off to college? I'm a little flummoxed. Gift-giving is not my forte. Dad got him a gold watch for his 18th birthday, which he loved, just to kind of give you an idea of his taste in things. He likes kind of esoteric things. And he's also an 18-year old heading to college, with practical college needs. However, it's been so long I've pretty well forgotten what those are.
There's another home somewhere,
There's another glimpse of sky...
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There's another life out there...

~~Mary Chapin Carpenter

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Postby Jayelle » Thu Apr 29, 2010 4:10 pm

How much are you looking to spend?

Digital Camera? Luggage?
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Postby starlooker » Fri Apr 30, 2010 11:03 am

Under $100, definitely. Probably $50-$100.
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Postby Haven » Fri Apr 30, 2010 2:30 pm

I think this is a great idea! For me... Sometimes i just need to say something out loud (or type it i guess) just to say it... to make it more real i guess? but sometime i need that feedback. Sometimes i need someone to tell me, in a sisterly/brotherly affectionate way, that im being irrational or a complete moron and to pull my head out of my ass. just sayin.



Starlooker, your brother sounds amazing. Finding a gift thats going to convay how proud you are of him is going to be really hard... but im going to sudgest that maybe you spend a day with him and take him shopping... you'll get a feel for what he needs and wants but mainly you'll get to spend time with him. For me that was always the best, just hanging out with my brothers.


But for a gift idea... What about a dream catcher? you can get a good sized one that he'll be able to hang up in his room that will remind him of you and home and that he has a big sister thats always gonna be there to catch him and wants the best for him...

Just a thought. :)
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Postby thoughtreader » Sat May 15, 2010 11:08 pm

i feel broken and messed up in almost every way possible when it comes to the happy perfect marriage I'm supposed to have. I hate it.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Sun May 16, 2010 12:17 am

*hugs Teresa* I haven't been married, or even in a relationship in so long that I don't know that what I have to say will carry much weight but marriages are not Happily Ever Afters automatically. They're not supposed to be perfect and they're definitely not ceaselessly happy. They're hard work for most (all?) people, they have ups and downs, and love, well, I think that's a choice you make. "I will keep loving you, even though it is difficult to like you right now."

That your marriage is not perfect is okay. It's normal. You're not doing anything wrong by being in an imperfect one. The both of you are human, you're going to mess up and hurt each other.

Anyway, I left you an offline message. My phone number is in there. Use it, if you need and would like to.
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Postby Luet » Tue May 18, 2010 2:34 pm

My husband's routine blood work results came back and he has slightly elevated liver and glucose levels, along with fairly high cholesterol. He is 34 and not overweight at all but he eats really poorly and I have never been able to get him to change. His mom has diabetes and is soon to get a kidney transplant because of never taking care of it properly. Ever since I got the results yesterday I have had that sick anxious feeling that he won't be motivated to change his diet and prevent this from becoming full blown diabetes, etc. He seems slightly willing to make some adjustments but I know it will fall on me to be the "enforcer" and I don't know how that is going to go over.
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Postby daPyr0x » Tue May 18, 2010 3:44 pm

I'm by no means an expert, merely someone whose path will likely follow your husband's; but I'd suggest rather than cutting off "not haves" to find, create, and encourage healthier "haves." I just mean I used to literally live on fast food, eating it 2-3 times a day, and when I started to force myself to find healthier alternatives (healthier - not like super-restrictive 'diet' type garbage) I realized how much better I felt physically when doing so. Now, though I do crave it occasionally, I'd more often go hungry in anticipation of a better quality meal than go get fast food. It's not that I "can't" go, though a doctor could disagree given my own blood sugar issues; I just feel better when I don't. It's at the point now where most "junk" and high-sugar foods will turn me off unless in a "dinner palate cleansing" sort of way.

I just think that same effect might be illicited in your husband by providing and suggesting healthier alternatives, and exploring what best suits his tastes. Perhaps find an appealing cookbook and explore the various recipes together? Just a thought.
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Postby Luet » Tue May 18, 2010 4:40 pm

I appreciate the thoughts but here are a couple of problems. He thinks that he feels fine. He doesn't think that his diet causes him any lack of energy, feeling crappy, etc. Also, he is incredibly picky when it come to food. He won't eat most vegetables (exceptions being broccoli, cauliflower and corn) including salad, onions, peppers, tomatoes, etc. He won't eat any condiments including ketchup, mustard, mayonnaise, sour cream, vinegar, salsa, etc. He has a very limited acceptable list of food.

This is why after the first couple years of marriage I gave up on trying to cook the same things for both of us. I started cooking normal, fairly healthy food for me and he would eat boxed mac & cheese, frozen pizzas, and stuff like that for most meals.

I totally agree with not saying things are forbidden but trying to cut back and slowly replace with healthier options.
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Postby locke » Tue May 18, 2010 9:08 pm

corn is not a vegetable, it's a grain.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Jayelle » Wed May 19, 2010 7:48 am

Despite the fact that you love your husband and don't want him to get sick, it is ultimately his choice what he eats. I don't think you need to stress yourself out with being the enforcer if he's not willing to change at all. It's one thing to work on this together (which you should), but it's not healthy for you to always be worried about his choices - that will just make YOU the one at risk for getting sick.
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Postby Wil » Wed May 19, 2010 10:11 am

I found that you don't actually notice just how much better you feel when not eating junk food until you go a time without eating it, then try eating it again. Suddenly you wonder why waking up in the morning is difficult, why a few hours after eating you get a slight headache/stomachache and you feel lethargic, and why you just don't feel as satisfied with a meal anymore.

The best way to get a guy to do something is give him incentive to do it. *wink wink* :twisted:

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Postby Luet » Wed May 19, 2010 5:36 pm

corn is not a vegetable, it's a grain.
I know that, I was just listing the things that he eats that HE considers vegetables.

Thanks, Jan, I'll keep that in mind. :)
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Postby steph » Wed May 19, 2010 8:15 pm

How do you choose between good thing/good friends?

*Warning - Complicated*

One of my very best friends is having her baby shower the weekend that I'm going to be in Utah. She would move it to the next weekend for me, if I wanted her to because she wants me there, even though she would rather have the shower sooner. My problem is, my nephew is flying home that week in between. My SIL/best friend would rather pay for 1/2 my ticket than pay the unaccompanied minor fee. She really would like for me to come because her best friends aren't talking to her for some unknown reason and she just found out that her 19 year old sister has cervical cancer. She really needs a friend. I could fly out there and fly back late friday night before the baby shower (if I asked my friend to move the date), but it would cost twice as much as if I just stayed at my SIL house for a few days longer and came home on Tuesday. If I went with my nephew, I'd be flying out the day after we got back from the roadtrip to Utah for the weekend. I don't know if that's too much for a 3 month old baby to handle, or if she'll just take it in stride. I don't know what to do. I want to be there for both of them. I'm not sure what is the best plan.
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Postby steph » Thu May 20, 2010 1:23 pm

I figured it out! I'm leaving for my SIL house one day later than originally planned and having the baby shower the night that I was going to be leaving! I get to do both and be there for both of my friends! I'm SO excited!
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Postby Wil » Tue Jun 01, 2010 3:14 am

Doing the online dating thing for the hell of it, figure it couldn't hurt. Message a bunch of people, get very few replies all around. Whatever. One girl messages me (whoa), and we talk back and forth, and then we just randomly stop talking after we IM'd each other one night. Half a week ago she messages me again. We start texting each other. I go ahead and ask her if she wants to go get lunch some time (I figure: Public, daylight, so she'll be fine with it, and easy to get away if she's crazy or some such thing). Before she agrees, she tells me that a few months ago she got out of a relationship with a guy after he refused to deal with her when she got pregnant and is living with a friend now. After 20 minutes I replied and said that I'd still like to have lunch with her some time, and she was extremely grateful that I didn't just start ignoring her.

... now what? I guess it couldn't hurt to go get lunch, but... eh.

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Postby locke » Tue Jun 01, 2010 3:28 am

I've found the suggestion, "would you like to meet for drinks sometime and chat?" seems to work better than other options. We have some nice theatres in LA that have lounges/wine bars attached to them, they are fairly quiet with comfy, varied seating and aren't too crowded. This has the added advantage of "upgrading" a date to a movie if you're getting along with them.

Meeting over drinks is also less "date-like" than getting a meal together, which I've usually found to be a little awkward. It also feels more mature and confident an option. It leaves things open, emphasizes the getting to know part and I think its sexy without implying sex.

on that note I need to find a sport coat.

Likewise, meeting for coffee also seems to be good. that tends to be my default when asking out a girl I meet in person. "Hey, I had a great time getting to know you tonight, would you be up for grabbing a cup of coffee together sometime next week?" This has gotten me their phone number 100% of the time, even if they already have a boyfriend. :p One girl even told me that I seemed so smooth and confident that she just had to say yes because she was so impressed. She was a good kisser but didn't want to date. Cest la vie.

I get very few replies to messages, but I get more replies from short and sweet messages than from longer messages that try to show I've read their profile and try to draw a connection between us. blech. Clever and or funny, which is rare, but inspiration occasionally strikes also elicits responses.

I decided tonight my new strategy will be something along the lines of. "Hi, I think you've got a great profile and think you look damn sexy in your pictures, want to strike up a conversation?" maybe one line (no more) that personalizes it to them. we'll see how that goes. No harm, no foul.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.


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