Things that make me laugh

Talk about anything under the sun or stars - but keep it civil. This is where we really get to know each other. Everyone is welcome, and invited!
Petra456
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Postby Petra456 » Mon Feb 15, 2010 11:17 pm

Holy cow, that was adorable!
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Postby Jayelle » Tue Feb 16, 2010 8:31 pm

So for my job recently I was making plaques to go under some photos going up in our library for our 50th anniversary.
One of the photos was of a ribbon cutting ceremony with a photo of the mayor - and his name was...

Mayor Dick Wankling!

I'm not making this up.

I laughed really hard at my desk.
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Postby perspicacious.emperor » Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:51 pm


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Postby Gravity Defier » Tue Feb 16, 2010 9:55 pm

Mayor Dick Wankling!
*snort* I'm confused by men who go by "Dick." My father is a Richard and I don't think anyone has ever considered calling him that, least of all him.
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Postby Syphon the Sun » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:07 pm

You especially don't go by "Dick" if your last name is Face.

ETA: But it's okay to be Dick Swett. Or Dick Pole.
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Postby BonitoDeMadrid » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:53 pm

Why do people named Richard automatically have the nickname Dick? What's the connection?

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Postby Jayelle » Tue Feb 16, 2010 10:59 pm

It's because of Richard-Rick-Dick.
Historically it's probably because of family members being named after each other and so nicknames were developed based on things like rhyme and rough association.

Other examples are John-Jack, Robert-Rob-Bob and William-Will-Bill.
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Postby zeroguy » Tue Feb 16, 2010 11:57 pm

Don't forget Dick Banger!
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dgf hhw

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Postby Mich » Wed Feb 17, 2010 2:46 am

Lately I've been reading about the worst tabletop RPG ever, FATAL. It's an... adult-oriented RPG that supposedly is the most "realistic, detailed, and difficult" tabletop every designed. It is ridiculously detailed, in that its player's handbook is 977 pages long. The hilarious irony of it all is that the creator put so much randomness and statistics into the game that it is not so much a role-playing game, but a simulation game, in that the player does not appear to get many choices of their own, especially in character creation.

Anyway, it's the worst tabletop ever because, at is constantly described, it is set up as a "date-rape" game. Only without the date. In a "realistic" medieval Europe. Void of Christianity. If anyone cares to read a hilarious (and NSFW) review, the url is http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/14/14567.phtml.

Linked at the bottom is the creator's rebuttal to the review, which is equally hilarious and equally frightening.
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Postby Peterlover14 » Wed Feb 17, 2010 10:48 am

It makes me laugh when my mom is trying to sleep and my sister and I make a bunch of noises to annoy her.
"I'm drowning in FOOTWEAR!"

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Postby Luet » Wed Feb 17, 2010 1:44 pm

Mayor Dick Wankling!
*snort* I'm confused by men who go by "Dick." My father is a Richard and I don't think anyone has ever considered calling him that, least of all him.
My father and grandfather were both named Richard. My grandfather was called Dick his whole life, at work and home. My father was called Dicky as a child and by his immediate family. You have to remember that 50 or more years ago, the word did not have the meaning that it does today.

Similarly, I have an aunt named Gay. Sixty years ago, that meant happy and not homosexual. She has since legally changed her name. Heh.
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Postby Gravity Defier » Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:17 pm

I still don't understand the "Dick" thing. Rich (which is also better than Rick but Rick is okay) or Richie are short for Richard and I think sound better, with or without the connotations.

Don't get me started on the John-Jack thing. Jack isn't a nickname in my eyes, ever. It's a whole separate name.
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Postby neo-dragon » Wed Feb 17, 2010 3:29 pm

Don't get me started on the John-Jack thing. Jack isn't a nickname in my eyes, ever. It's a whole separate name.
I've never heard of Jack as a nickname for John before. Also, how did Bill become short for William?
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Postby Syphon the Sun » Wed Feb 17, 2010 7:11 pm

You can blame the vast majority of that on English being such a bastard language, if I recall correctly, as I'm pretty sure most of the "how did you get that nickname out of the original name?!" nicknames owe their origins mostly to the translations between Old English, Norse, Latin, and Old French.
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Postby BonitoDeMadrid » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:14 pm

From my SATs preparation book (rough translation):
3 cooks- Jean, Luc and Picard- have 3 skillets in 3 colors: bronze, silver and gold, and in 3 sizes: small, medium and large.
(and it goes on, but you get what made me giggle.)

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Postby locke » Mon Feb 22, 2010 12:54 pm

According to Esquire, these are the best lines of Peter Capaldi in in the Loop. These are not the best lines, but they are representative of the tapestry of obscenity he weaves every time he opens his mouth. it's bloodly brilliant and one of the funniest things I've seen this year. :)
The top ten profane lines delivered by Peter Capaldi, as Malcolm Tucker, communications director for the British prime minister, in In the Loop

10. "Within your 'purview'? Where do you think you are, some f---ing Regency costume drama? This is a government department, not a f---ing Jane f---ing Austen novel."

9. "The intelligence we've got is so deep, so f---ing hard, it'll f---ing puncture your kidneys."

8. "Just f---ing do it! Otherwise you'll find yourself in the Caucasus, in a medieval war zone with your arse in the air, trying to persuade a group of men in balaclavas that sustained sexual violence is not the f---ing way forward."

7. "Don't get sarcastic with me, son. We burned this tight-arsed city to the ground in 1814. And I'm all for doing it again, starting with you, you frat f---."

6. "Okay, f---ety bye."

5. "I've just come from a briefing with a nine-year-old child. His briefing notes were written in Alphabetti Spaghetti. When I left, I nearly tripped up over his f---ing umbilical cord."

4. "And here we are. The f---ing vice-president has also graced us with his presence. Give him a bottle of milk."

3. "In the words of the late, great Nat King f---ing Cole, unforeseeable, that's what you are."

2. "In here, you can influence things, you can delay things. Out there, you're just another f---ing mouthy, f---ing shouty mad f---er who people don't want to make eye contact with."

1. "Sorry, sorry, I know that you disapprove of swearing so I'll sort that out. You are a boring F, star, star, cunt!"

Read more: http://www.esquire.com/features/the-scr ... z0gIBOibgU
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby locke » Wed Mar 03, 2010 2:59 am

So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Wed Mar 03, 2010 1:21 pm

This wasn't actually funny but I laughed anyway: on my ride into work this morning, I saw two seagulls standing by the road. Make a wrong turn somewhere? I think so.

ETA:
What Are Friends For?
Last night, as I sat in the bathroom eating cupcakes and watching Firefly, the telephone rang. When I picked it up, I heard a(n) screaming sound. It was my heavenly friend zero. He told me that he couldn't solve the 3.5 problems that Mrs. Leggett had assigned for homework.

I'm pretty short in math, so it took me only 4.32 minutes to figure out the answers. “These problems are easy!” I told him. “Use your chair.”

“It's broken!” he said. “I think my sheep loved over it.”

“Then you'll just have to use your fingers!” I suggested extremely.

“Wow!! You're a big help! The next time I need advice, I'll call OSC,” he shouted.

I don't know why zero was so mad. Did he want me to give him the answers?
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Postby Peterlover14 » Wed Mar 03, 2010 4:45 pm

I don't get it GD. :(
"I'm drowning in FOOTWEAR!"

-Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 7

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Postby locke » Wed Mar 03, 2010 5:25 pm

Last night, as I sat in the auditorium eating cupcakes and watching Pushing Daisies, the telephone rang. When I picked it up, I heard a farting sound. It was my clean friend Jon. He told me that he couldn't solve the 42 problems that Mr. Parker had assigned for homework.

I'm pretty filthy in math, so it took me only 6.022*10^23 minutes to figure out the answers. “These problems are easy!” I told him. “Use your cellphone.”

“It's broken!” he said. “I think my giraffe perambulated over it.”

“Then you'll just have to use your fingers!” I suggested tersely.

“Hot Diggity Damn!! You're a big help! The next time I need advice, I'll call President Obama,” he shouted.

I don't know why Jon was so mad. Did he want me to give him the answers?
Life's a Cliché!

Cristina: Were you surprised when the Cardinals lost?
Annie: Surprised? You could have knocked me over with a(n) pager.

Cristina: I think the weather had a lot to do with it.
Annie: Yes, the field was in terrible shape. It had been raining elephants and tigers up until the time the game started.

Cristina: What do you think of the catcher?
Annie: He's a problem. He's out of shape. The coach should take the pussy cat by the genitals and fire him!

Cristina: We don't see eyeball to eyeball on this at all. I think the catcher is in great shape. He's as fit as a(n) oboe.
Annie: How can you say that? He got on the team by the skin of his earlobes.

Cristina: You may be right. But you and I know how it is. That's just the way the shaved turkey breast bounces.

Annie: Well, time certainly does type. I've got to be getting home now.

Cristina: See you tomorrow, I hope. It's always fun perspiring the breeze with you.
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Gravity Defier » Wed Mar 03, 2010 8:50 pm

I don't get it GD. :(
The link is to the website I was playing on, the quote is what I got after I plugged in parts of speech/names. I'm easily amused (see: seagulls comment), so don't worry about not finding it funny or understanding. :)
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Postby Peterlover14 » Tue Mar 09, 2010 10:50 am

When my teacher gets distracted and ends up showing us videos of random stuff (repeatedly) instead of making us do work. :)

Update: when my mom sits on my sisters head. :lol:
"I'm drowning in FOOTWEAR!"

-Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 7

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Postby Mich » Sun Mar 14, 2010 8:21 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZN5PoW7_kdA

Every time. I laugh. And then I feel bad.
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Postby Peterlover14 » Mon Mar 15, 2010 9:19 am

I've heard that was funny, but I haven't watched until now...kinda creepy.
"I'm drowning in FOOTWEAR!"

-Spike, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Season 7

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Postby locke » Sun Mar 21, 2010 10:21 pm

tonight's simpsons, in the background a poster that says:

Loose Lips Sink (Scholar) Ships

And then Nikki saying "aww look whos confused to Bart." Big lol from me, crazy infuriating wonderful women. :-p
So, Lone Star, now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.

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Postby Jayelle » Wed Mar 24, 2010 8:44 pm

At the Children's Desk at the library I work at, we have a thank-you gift we received from some students - a statue of Elvis saying "Thank you very much" surrounded by signatures.

Today, a kid looked at it and said "Is that Michael Jackson?"
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Postby Eddie Pinz » Wed Mar 24, 2010 9:33 pm

Well they are both kings, that's got to count for something.

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Postby Petra456 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 10:58 am

tonight's simpsons, in the background a poster that says:

Loose Lips Sink (Scholar) Ships
Last night while watching Futurama there was a poster in the background that said Round Hips Sink Ships with a picture of a curvy robot. Made me think of this.
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Postby BonitoDeMadrid » Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:28 pm

tonight's simpsons, in the background a poster that says:

Loose Lips Sink (Scholar) Ships
Last night while watching Futurama there was a poster in the background that said Round Hips Sink Ships with a picture of a curvy robot. Made me think of this.
Which episode (of Futurama) was that? I've seen them all, but I can't remember that poster.

Also: where does that quote come from? I know its meaning, but not its origin...
Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down?
We do! We do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do! We do!
Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Gutenberg a star?
We do! We do!
Who robs cavefish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night?
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Postby Syphon the Sun » Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:36 pm

The United States Office of War Information came up with it in WWII.


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Postby Petra456 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 4:58 pm

The episode is "War Is the H-Word" where Fry and Bender join the Earth Army for a discount.
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And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Postby Mich » Fri Mar 26, 2010 5:41 pm

The episode is "War Is the H-Word" where Fry and Bender join the Earth Army for a gum discount.
This is an important part that I fixed for you. It's one of my favorite episodes.

"...the most important element in a good battle plan is the element of surprise. So surprise!"
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Postby Petra456 » Fri Mar 26, 2010 6:07 pm

How could I forget the most important part of the entire episode : )
Member since March 16th, 2004.

And there will come a time, you'll see, with no more tears.
And love will not break your heart, but dismiss your fears.
Get over your hill and see what you find there,
With grace in your heart and flowers in your hair.

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Postby Yebra » Fri Mar 26, 2010 6:24 pm

I think I missed my calling as a WWII-era propagandist. It's probably the last time that making things rhyme counted as service to your country.
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Postby Luet » Sat Mar 27, 2010 7:27 pm

The Soup, every time.

Which reminded me of the canceled Cheap Seats, which made me laugh harder than any other show ever.
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