Cause Breakin' Up is (Still) Hard to Do

[Young Val]

[edit]

[daPyr0x]

My Girlfriend stopped loving me.

We've been going out a year and the last few weeks it just...stopped.

God.

I'm sorry man. That's what happened to me... But, like all good things, we made sure we went out with a bang instead of a fizzle...

[Young Val]

[edit]

[Petra]

*waves* Hiya. I have joined the ranks of the broken-up.




I brought cherry turnovers...

[daPyr0x]

I'm there, Val....I am there...Close, anyways.

She continuously says to me that she still loves me. It doesn't hurt as much, though, because I've stonewalled myself into fully believing otherwise. She abandoned me when I needed her, left me when I begged for her help - every day for 2 weeks straight - and ended up lip-locked with another guy. Not to mention lying about it right away. That, in my eyes, tells me she no longer loved me. So I'm able to pass over that part, thankfully

I'm remembering a lot just like that, too. The other day I sat down to write her a final letter and send back a ring she gave me back when she cared about me, to show that she did. After writing it I was going through my room and found a gift she gave me once. "101 reasons that I love you"; and in the box was 101 individually folded little notes, origami folded into hearts, with a "reason" written on it. Probably the sweetest gift I have ever recieved or ever wil. Anyways, as I went through that box, I found a whole bunch that basically were, well, lies now. You know, things like "because I can't see myself ever with anyone else" or "because you're everything I ever wanted" or whatever else. That.....that hurt....a lot.

I now understand why I was so spiteful. I understand why I did the mean things that I did when this all came about. It wasn't out of spite, or to directly hurt her; but it was to ensure that this was over. After what happened, a hidden part of me knew that I couldn't go back to her happily the way that I was, and thus it needed to be totally over. That part of me is what allowed me to be as mean and spiteful as I never could be before. And so I followed through. And when that wasn't working as well as I hoped, I did more. And every time I've seen that it wasn't quite as effective as I wanted, I'd do more until she would no longer take me back, so I wouldn't have to say no to her ever and it was all just....over....because I couldn't stand up to continuously say no otherwise.

Anyawys I'm done selfishly ranting about my own life...maybe I should do some work now

[Young Val]

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[Hegemon]

so.... i had a 4 and a half yr relationship end nearly a year ago... and it ended on one of the worst days possible....

can i eat some of the goodies?


*waits*


*decides to just start eating regardless of what anyone else says*

[anonshadow]

My official opinion on the matter is that I wish I could just go lesbian, because then at least I wouldn't have to deal with stupid men. Even if women were as stupid, at least it would be a change of scenery.

The issue with this is that I am not attracted to women, and could never get into a relationship with one.



I'm feeling gloomy about relationships today.

What really sucks are days that meant something in your past relationship. Like the day you met someone, or the day you started dating...

There are really two guys (outside of my current boyfriend) that I've ever dated seriously. One of them... I'm over all of the things that remind me of him in that they simply don't hurt anymore. The necklace he gave me is pretty, and when I wear it, it's a nice gift that somebody really thought about before they gave it to me. The time period in which we started going out... it just doesn't strike any chords. I don't even think about it being related to him anymore.

The other... not so much. We dated for almost two years, and after the first six months, it wasn't a great relationship, and it just started to steadily decline after that. There was a lot of breaking up, getting back together, heartache on both sides. Especially mine.

That relationship has left me with a lot of leftover issues. January 20 or 21 was the day we started going out--I can't remember which, so I don't even know when I should be feeling sad!

His birthday never leaves me feeling warm and fuzzy, either. Nor does December 10th (the day after we broke up).

I have a serious dent in two friendships as a direct result of that relationship.

I feel incredibly insecure about my appearence as an indirect result of that relationship. I have always been insecure about it, but he did not help.

See, he was in love with another girl the entire f****** time we were dating. He didn't tell me about this, he lied to me about this, and he got nasty at me when I accused him of this, but he was.

And she was this small girl. Maybe 5'3 or 5'4. Very thin, well-behaved hair that did what she wanted, very pale.

Whereas I'm about 5'7, which makes me feel incredibly vulnerable in regards to me height. It makes me feel clunky and gross and unattractive. As far as the thin goes... I'm probably actually as thin or thinner than her, and my boobs are bigger, so I've gotten over feeling fat in comparison (because it simply was never true). But the hair was always a sore point--my hair is messy and generally a pain in the ass. I alternate between loving it and hating it. So the fact that hers always looks impecable makes me feel bad about myself.

Just, a lot that she was, I wasn't, and I always felt like I just wasn't good enough.

I mean, I like her well enough, and she certainly did nothing to encourage my ex's stalker-like behavior. But there are a few things that still make me feel grossly unattractive, and the height one especially definitely stems from her.

*sigh*

And I'm sorry, I'm in a really gloomy unhappy mood today. My current relationship really is going okay, largely, I just... feel really moody and sad and all of that. Maybe it's the weather.

Or maybe something bad happened on October 6th and I just blocked it out.

But... sad.

Exes suck.

[mr_thebrain]

My official opinion on the matter is that I wish I could just go lesbian, because then at least I wouldn't have to deal with stupid men. Even if women were as stupid, at least it would be a change of scenery.

*ahem* *sings*

"I wish I was a lesbian, and not a hetero.
I wouldn't have to deal with men and all their come and go,
And all their yucky yucky facial hair and all their machis'mo!
I wish I were a lesbian and not a hetero!

I wish I was a lesbian and that I wasn't straight.
I'd sleep with women only. Man, it would be great.
I'd throw away my diaphragm, I wouldn't want to mate.
I wish I was a lesbian, and that I wasn't straight!

I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung.
It shouldn't really matter how somebody is hung.
Other things are more important- like how you use your tongue! blblblblblbl
I wish I was a lesbian, that's why this song is sung!

I DARE Casey Kasem to play this!

I wish I were a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke.
I'd sleep with k.d. lang. Mel Gibson, take a hike!
I think it would be nice to love someone who was alike.
I wish I was a lesbian, I'd like to be a dyke!"

I wish I was a lesbian — Loudon Wainwright


funny damned song.

[anonshadow]

*giggles* YES!

[mr_thebrain]

i figured you'd like that.

took a bit to find all the lyrics. and i didn't feel like transcribing it from my ipod

[Yebra]

We're going to try and carry on for a few weeks. I don't know if that's a good idea or not, I just want to give this every chance it can. Maybe it will go away, maybe it won't. She's upset, I'm upset.

God, I don't know. I don't know. How can I break up with her without her there to help me?

Three weeks ago, we were happy. We were so happy. I've been so happy for the last year I'd almost forgotten what this felt like.

[Young Val]

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[Young Val]

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[anonshadow]

*hugs!*

[Young Val]

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[Hegemon]

... you might wanna get on that laundry

*quietly walks away*

[Kaira]

i am newly joining the ranks of brake ups....
i had a net bf... the only bf i ever had...
and i broke up with him for a reason, but now were talking again..

it sooo hard. and hurts so much. but i hate it because im starting to want to be with him again. i love him. but I broke up with HIM. i broke his heart. he keeps asking me why, and i explain over and over.

but the worest part is my best friend talks to him and shes falling in love with him... and sometime i read there converstions... they flirt so much...

i asked him if he was falling in love with her and he said that hes thought seriously about it but that im the only one in his heart...

and that hurts almost as much as him loving her because I broke up with HIM. and i really shouldnt care if hes fallen in love with someone else. should i stop talking to him? and let fate takes its coures?

im so evil. i break up with him, yet still want him, and dont want anyone else to have him, but refues to be with him. i got issues

[Kaira]

*feels horrebly guilty because im sitting here waiting for someone to post when i have 5 math assignments due, a speech that i havent even started on, and a paper to rewrite and am unable to focus cuz i cant stop thinking about HIM*... *starts eating chocolate and reading Shadow of the Giant*

[Young Val]

[edit]

[daPyr0x]

If you're anything like me, Val, it'll go in waves....it'll be easy, then something will happen and it'll get really hard, and then it'll ease off again...

It was easy for me on Friday when I left for my dad's place. I went out to eat with a friend of mine after work, and then drove out to my dad's farm afterwards.

Today, though....today was not easy. I'm lying down on a folded out futon, while my brother sits beside me playing a video game, and I close my eyes and all I can think of is her. All that runs through my mind is the last 3 years I've spent with her. All I can think is all of these things that we used to do, the places we used to go, even just lying in her bed....and him replacing me there....I can see him lying in her bed...I can see her running to him and throwing her arms around him....I can see him kissing her goodnight....that was all I could think...

It killed me. It kills me to know she's replaced me. It kills me to know that I f****** SAW IT COMING. It kills me that 2 months before ANYTHING happened I knew it was coming. THE FIRST GODDAMN NIGHT she met the guy I knew it was coming. I even drove the sonofabitch around in my f****** car. It kills me ot think that she's over me that much. It kills me to know that I was never loved the way I loved her. It kills me to know that even that amount that she did love me was gone over to him before she even broke up with me. It kills me to know that she doesn't want me back, she doesn't want us back, she doesn't want me anymore...

I sent her a text message, and she responded and told me she had written me a letter and sent it up with a package that I would get soon...I'm already having a tough day, and now I find out that she hasn't gotten my letter yet and has sent up a package....and from the way she was talking, I think it has her ring in it....her ring....the one i got her....the one i went as far into the hole as i could to get her for christmas to surprise her because i knew i wanted to be her husband....the ring that meant so much to me...and just like the rest of me she's tossed it back..."sorry, found someone better"

*pause as my cat notices my crying and comes to cheer me up*

I had so much...we had so much....and now it's all gone for him. what does he have that i don't? what the f*** does he do that i couldnt? i gave all of myself to her and he strolls in and im nothing now? 3 years....you'd think that'd mean more than "hey, you're depressed and i'm too selfish to help, so goodbye" and then spread eagle for another guy in a mere handful of hours...

what's so wrong with me?

i dont know how to get through this.

I feel myself turning to different vices for means of relief...
I don't have the ability to cope on my own. I'll kill myself if I do that.
I turn to drinking, get drunk every night, and I just feel like s***.
My next step is marijuana; and if I had any of my old friends I'd already have some of that

God...like I need that....

If there's something so wrong with me that she can just fall out of love with me that quickly...how am I supposed to get someone else? if I fall into depression I won't get anyone, and I'm already depressed. If I fall into any of these vices nobody will want me...if I live...I live alone.....and if I die...I don't have to...

I was doing so well, too...

[Hegemon]

These things take time.

Time does not heal all wounds, but some of them can hurt a little less strongly. Holding desperately onto something that no longer exists lengthens that time. Letting go is not easy, but you never start healing until you come to terms with what has happened and try to move on.

It isn't easy to get on with your life. But the pain never lessens until you do something other than sit around and feel miserable because you are no longer with a person who has since left you.

Incidentally, this particular post is not directed at one person in particular, so if you are reading this and think i am speaking specifically to you, I am not. Parts of it are more directed at some than others, so what i say might not really apply fully to your own situation.

[Young Val]

[edit]

[Dr. Mobius]

The Star Trek thread reminded me of an episode of TNG I saw recently in which Guinan gives Wesley Crusher some relationship advice.

Wesley: I miss her. I feel... empty.
Guinan: I know that sensation. But there will come a time when all you remember is the love.
Wesley: I'm never going to feel this way about anyone else.
Guinan: You're right.
Wesley: I didn't expect you to say that.
Guinan: There will be others, but every time you feel love it will be different. Every time it's different.
Wesley: Knowing that doesn't make it any easier.
Guinan: It's not supposed to.

[Young Val]

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[Young Val]

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[anonshadow]

One of my favorite Gaiman quotes ever.

Which one is it from? I can't remember. I know it's Sandman.

[Kaira]

that is one of my favorite quotes ever. some of my other favorite love quotes...

'it is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers fo feeling. when your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. it is the end of happyness and the beginning of peace.' --GBS

'here is your crown,
your seal and rings.
here is your love
for anything.
and here is the night,
the night has begun.
and here is your death
in the heart of your son.
and here you are haunted
and here you are gone.
and here is the love
that its all built on
here is your cross,
your nails and your hill
and here is your love
that lists where it will'
-- Lenord cohen

'yet love and hate me too, so, these extremes shall neither office do; love me, that i may die the genler way; hate me, because thy love is too great for my.' -- john danne

'ive never thought of it like that. ive always thought of you as a part of me, like my own eyes or my own hands. you dont go around thinking 'i love my eyes, i love my hands' do you? but think of what it would be like to live with out your eyes or your hand. to be mad or to be blind. i cant talk about it. its how i feel.' -- elisebeth pope

[Young Val]

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[Young Val]

[edit]

[Luet]

i'm so sorry. you don't deserve this. i wish i could do something to make it hurt less...

[Young Val]

[edit]

[Luet]

I know it. I had to get a lot of saved old texts off of my phone. I couldn't bear to delete them so I typed them into a word document but at least I wouldn't be tempted to look at them every day.

There were two phases of this...getting rid of all of the ones from HIM, my cousin. And then, much more recently, getting rid of the ones from HER, my other cousin, which was much much more painful. Because they were all so sweet and supportive and promising friendship and love forever...and all complete lies now. I had to be significantly drugged on anti-anxiety meds to actually complete that task.

please hang in there kel...

[anonshadow]

I never know how much it's good to erase... to what extent I should be erasing things...

I went to deleted every email my ex ever sent me and tore out all the pages in my journal that referenced them after we broke up.

Was that wise?

*sigh* I just don't know.

[daPyr0x]

I still post pictures of Nicole and I...

I have most of our emails, all of her letters....

*sigh*

I really thought we were meant to be....like if there was ever a time that I'd believe in soul mates it was with her...

What sucks more than breaking up? Trying to get back into dating and having other people start to fall for you when you're still stuck in your old relationship/mindset/whatever......that just feels like ass....