How to...

[Jayelle]

If you were to give someone instructions on how you do something (that is, if they were living your life, that's how it would get done) how would it go? Anything you do in a specific way every time?

Jan's 10 steps to her daily cup of coffee:

1. Rinse pot
2. Fill pot to "4" line with cold water
3. Pour water in coffee maker
4. Take out grounds from previous morning and dump in the garbage can
5. Place new (unbleached basket) filter in coffee maker
6. Take out (organic breakfast blend) coffee beans and scoop exactly four scoops of beans using red scoop from coffee I bought several years ago.
7. Grind beans in grinder, holding down for the count of twelve
8. Put grounds in coffeemaker, close it and flick the switch
9. Wait. Make toast or cereal during this time.
10. When coffee is entirely done dripping, pour into a mug, adding brown sugar and cream. Drink up!

[BonitoDeMadrid]

Bonito's 10 steps for making pasta:

1. Get cooking pot, lid and pasta out of cupboard
2. Pour water into the pot until it reaches about 2/3ds
3. Put 2 spoons of salt in said pot
4. Boil water- between 25 to 30 minutes
5. After boiling, insert pasta into pot and remove lid
6. Cook pasta for 15 minutes
7. While cooking the pasta, put strainer above the sink
8. When the pasta is done cooking, put on gloves and pour it into the strainer
9. Pour water over the pasta to cool it
10. Enjoy your meal =)

[Jayelle]

No sauce?

[Derwyddon]

Derwyddon's 10 steps to 4am

1. Notice alarm has been going off for anywhere from 5 - 15 minutes
2. Get out of bed and walk over to alarm clock
3. Unplug alarm clock because you're not conscious enough to find the button
4. walk over to automatic coffee maker, fill a cup
5. drop an ice cube in and drink it black.
6. turn on tv, sit and stare at whatever's on the channel you left it on when you went to sleep
7. You're now consious enough to get a cup of coffee and actually put splenda in it
8. Stretch, get your stuff together for shower time (your clothes, your daughter's clothes, towels, etc)
9. Go over to-do list for the day, plan out daughter's breakfast, enjoy the time you have before it's time for her to get up.
10. You're finally awake. You may now proceed with your day.

[Mich]

Jeff's 5 steps to brushing your teeth:

1. Brush at random for a good ten-to-twenty seconds.
2. Grit your teeth together and brush the outsides, both top and bottom, at the same time, then both the tops and bottoms of your teeth, then both of the insides.
3. Beginning on the right side of your mouth, brush from the out to in, first with the bottom teeth, then with the top, so that you end up brushing 1/3 of 1/3 of your teeth at a time.
4. Now brush all of your teeth in a line, beginning with the bottom teeth outside, then bottom teeth tops, then bottom teeth inside, and repeating with the top teeth.
5. Rinse!

[BonitoDeMadrid]

No sauce?

No, I usually eat with ketchup or sauce my other family members make. Yes, I suck at cooking...but it's not so bad =)

[starlooker]

Kirsten's Guide to Being Late to Work:

1. Hit snooze at least three times, telling yourself that X amount of time is PLENTY of time, if I hurry. It's a nice dream, after all. And if feels nice under the covers. And I set it early, didn't I, really? Plenty of time.

2. Turn on light before the last snooze alarm goes off. Feel virtuous for getting up early.

3. Since you're obviously ahead of schedule, spend some time perusing the news on your cell phone. Or playing Collapse.

4. Now, then, mustn't waste anymore time. Go make breakfast. Skip coffee, you're in a hurry. Just yogurt and some honey-nut cheerios.

5. Well, since you're on the couch you might as well watch TV. Just to have the background noise when you are eating.

6. Get involved in PBS's Curious George Cartoon.

7. Okay, half an hour left, technically. Plenty of time. Get in the shower.

8. The shower feels really nice, doesn't it? Enjoy it.

9. Okay, out of shower. Quick, no time left! Ack.

10. Halfway blowdry hair.

11. Damnit! Everything's wrinkled. Iron some pants, fast!

12. That took longer than I thought it would.

13. Put on clothes. Spray on body spray. Hunt out necklace. Hunt down cellphone (under covers, most likely).

14. Okay, good thing I never schedule anything at work for the first half-hour.

15. Out the door, into car. Good thing you already bought gas -- that sometimes makes you really late.

16. Apply make-up in the car. Curse. Swear tomorrow you will get up when the alarm goes off, not watch stupid TV, not check news on your cell phone, eat more fruit, and be a better person in general.

17. Repeat as necessary throughout the week.

[Gravity Defier]

How to annoy a s***** of Pwebbers:

1. Become saddened by the lack of activity on the board.
2. Tell another Pwebber that you are sad; you must mention it early in the morning.
3. Decide you're going to bump all the threads you can.
4. Prepare for crap to be flung in your direction, either directly or indirectly.
5. Grin and bear it.

[Valentine]

Ah, you forgot a couple steps though. Ask another pwebber to join you, and start a chat room about your incessant bumping.

[locke]

continuing alea's:
1. post a spree of posts after hearing another pwebber is sad at pwebs slowness
2. dare said pwebber to also post a spree
3. ask another pwebber to double dare said pwebber
4. do the same daring/double daring process for another pwebber that was done for said pwebber
5. create a chat to cackle nefariously and plan and plot.

[Eddie Pinz]

I would just like to know who is annoyed by this??

[Dr. Mobius]

I'm annoyed at myself for not being around often enough anymore to be involved in these shenanigans. Does that count?

[Luet]

From his "I wish" post, it sounded like Wil was annoyed by it...but oh well. Maybe he was just having a bad night.

[Wil]

Oh, I am Luet, I am. When I saw almost the entire page full of new threads I gave myself a concussion with how hard my head hit the desk.

How Wil Checks PWeb

1. Bookmarks -> Philoticweb
2. Look at who is online, assume "1 Hidden" is always Gravity Defier
3. Click "Milagre Town Square"

Assuming He Hasn't Replied To A Post Recently:

4. Click down thread list and read posts under three paragraphs until repeats are found.

Assuming He HAS Replied To A Post Recently:

4. Avoid thread you replied to if there is another post after yours and instead click down and read the other threads, going back and reading those skipped lengthy posts.
5. Come back in 10 minutes and open post, but only scroll down to yours.
6. Slowly scroll through first line of reply looking for any negative adjectives or phrases.
7. Cave and read the rest of the reply[ies], hopefully not feeling too beat upon.

End!

How Wil Posts On Pweb

1. Hit the reply button to a thread.
2. Log in to Pweb
3. Write out a first response

Assuming Post Is NOT A Reply To A Specific:

4. Read through for spelling mistakes, forgotten words, and inaccuracies.
5. Hit "Submit".
6. Log Out.

End!

Assuming Post IS A Reply To A Specific:

4. Hit "Preview" and read reply.
5. Delete everything that is a verbal negative, insult, curse word, racial slur, hate speech, personal attack, and sexual innuendo.
6. Realize you have just deleted the entire reply.

At This Point, It Could go Two Ways:

7. Click "Log Off" and pat yourself on the back.

OR:

7. Write another reply, attempting to make it as politically correct as possible while taking in to account others views and opinions but also state your own.
6. Second guess yourself multiple times, making it more confusing, in an attempt to make it as neutral and agreeable as possible.
5. Preview the post and make corrections.
4. Hit "Submit".
3. Read post again and feel good about it's perceived neutrality and it being a disagreement but not being disagreeable.
2. Repeat Steps 5-7 of "How Wil Checks PWeb"
1. Start again at Step 1 until either the other party gets tired of insulting you, you somehow manage to reach an agreement, or a moderator PM's you.

Having only about a bazillion threads bumped completely throws off this process!

[locke]

How to shave a weeks growth of beard.

1 take a hot shower.
2. Condition your hair, and use the extra conditioner on your hands to rub into the beard, this will soften it and the rubbing action will work as a good preshave scrub and exfoliate and will cause the hair to stand out more (meaning a closer shave later.
3. Rinse
4. Dry off but don't dry off your face.
5. use the hottest water you can stand and bathe your face in it for twenty or thirty seconds (meaning cupping your hands in it or under it and bringing it up to your face) to soften your beard and open up your pores.
6. quickly apply shaving cream.
7. shave with the grain using short strokes, rinsing razor often.
8. check face to make sure you didn't miss any patches.
9. Rinse with warm water.
10. use the coldest water you can stand and bathe your face in it for thirty seconds as described above (this is to close the pores and help prevent ingrown hairs)
11. apply after shave (it's to prevent ingrown hairs as well) preferably an alcohol free kind that doesn't sting.

[zeroguy]

How to shave a weeks growth of beard like a man.

1. Splash water on your face. Whatever temperature it happens to be.
2. Shave.

11. apply after shave (it's to prevent ingrown hairs as well) preferably an alcohol free kind that doesn't sting.

YEAH LIKE THE WHOLE BOTTLE LOL

[Wil]

Mine is ALMOST like that, but not quite. Your order is off and I'll explain why.

1. Wet a wash cloth with the hottest water from the tap. Us men don't flinch at burning pain.
2. Scrub face hard so as to piss off the hair and remove any dead or peeling skin.
3. Re-wet, do not rinse it all out. Drape over face, hold for 30 seconds to do the "pore opening" bit.
4. Soap, creme rinse, or any sort of material to allow the blade to slide across your skin... place it on your face and neck.
5. Shave with the grain across your whole face lightly. This is to remove the majority of the large growth.
6. Reapply across whole face and neck.
7. Shave against the grain across your entire face and neck.
8. In my case, some hair under my chin grows sideways (weird, I think), so reapply there and shave against it as well.
9. By this time I usually have nicked myself in normally one spot (happens on the sideways shave). Take a shower to allow the pores to open a bit more, the nick to clot, and to clean your face with soap (scrub hard!) to stop any possible infection and to further clean the skin.
10. After you get out of the shower, take an ice cube and rub it across your face. This closes your pores much better than simply splashing cold water on your face.
11. Dry your face and apply a lotion. Hopefully a "healing" lotion with Aloe. It is much better for your skin than an after shave.

Doing this, my face remains completely smooth for up to 24 hours, and it takes about 48 hours for my face to get that "five o'clock shadow" look. On top of this, I don't get any ingrown hairs. The first week your skin will probably complain to high heaven for shaving against the grain, but don't worry, you're a man and it'll learn its place.