Hmm, it would appear in my attempts at ignoring this board and hoping my failed thread would just disappear have resulted in me missing replies!
Just to boost your self-confidence:
Jee, THANKS!
The alternative to lying is often to answer truthfully then explain. If they really want to know they will respect you more. If they are asking for money or something they will get bored and wander off.
But it seems that more people would rather hear a lie than the truth. For many, the truth hurts more than a lie. It seems that people often lie because of that very same concept; it's easier than telling the truth and people would rather hear an easy lie than a hard truth.
Honestly, human., your entire post sounds like an exceptionally large explanation for what essentially amounts to the childish, immature "I lie because I know what's best for me and nobody else does" attitude.
I have become stronger by learning to move past these lies and realizing that the age old saying "sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me" is completely wrong. Words can hurt the worst, but I believe that when it heals, something new is created within oneself that allows such growth and strength, which I mentioned, to take place.
Not wrong, simply incomplete. You see, words are completely subjective and relative. It is all based upon truth and confidence. People dislike hearing the truth in some cases and when it is told to them the words have the ability to hurt them. In regards to words bassed upon opinions, such as telling someone they are ugly, only affects those that lack cofidence in their own appearance.
As you said, often times words that hurt allow growth. However, not all growth is positive. Sometimes telling someone they are excessive liars can result in two situations: (1) They begin to live their life in a way where they only lie as an effort to encourage others OR (2) They make up excuses to convince themselves they lie with good reason. Obviously the latter is not desireable.
at the moment, lies make my life easier to navigate. What I'm willing to lie for illustrates, to me, what makes me happiest or what's worth not telling the truth for. At times, it's easier to just say "I'm going here" with no intentions of going there but knowing that it's the straightest path to what I want.
A good example here would be a child with a bike. The childs parents may tell the child that they can not go outside the culdesac or can't go past certain houses on the street while riding their bike. The child, as a result, attempts to push the boundries and will lie or otherwise decieve the parents so they can go where they know they are not allowed. The child can not comprehend the parents wishes to keep the child safe. The child can not comprehend the idea of being stolen, getting hit by cars, or otherwise getting hurt where the parents can not get to the child quickly.
In my own mind, I have justification for my actions, but it is hard to convey to others this because often it requires thought so far into the future that they would believe it is just an excuse, instead of planning ahead.
I'm sure a murder's mind works in that very same way: In their own mind they can justify their killings, but it is hard to convey to others.
Perhaps taking a step back and thinking about why you have to lie to do what you wish to do is required. People that care for you normally don't apply boundries without having very good reasons. A father doesn't tell his teenage daughter that she can't go out on a date with a guy he's never met because he is trying to ruin her life, or make it hard for her to live. He does it because he wishes to protect his child; he worries about what could happen to her as he knows there are many bad guys out there. Instead of lying to this father and saying you're going to the movies with Cindy and Sharon to cover up your date, one obvious option is to bring the guy around and let the father get to know him before seeking a night date.
Other times, what I believe to be moral or merely correct in my own mind does not correspond to that in others' minds. This creates conflict which can easily be avoided by employing a lie. It eases the other person's mind and makes the conflict much simpler for both.
It really depends on the conflicting opinion in this case. Smoking, drugs, alchohol, sex? Really no reason to lie unless you're worried about how you'll look to someone else. Trying to keep face with someone over such matters is just another lie, and is, in my opinion, even worse than any other kind of lie. You should be truthful to yourself.
Other situations are already pretty much covered in the date example above.
I still strive not to lie to those people whom I care deeply about, but overall, I don't believe lying is necessarily a bad thing. It can be helpful, but then I suppose the question arises about when lies hurt others or are used to create destruction or misery. Maybe there are many types of lies, maybe it's completely situational.
Lying isn't bad, it depends on the reason, the intention, and the effect of the lie. Encouragement is often started with a lie; telling a beginning pianist that their playing sounds good when in all likelyhood it sounds horrid isn't a bad lie. Telling someone 'everything will be okay' is not a bad lie.
In situations where a lie and a truth will result in hurting someone either way, the truth is always better. In sitautions where telling the truth will hurt someone irreparably, a lie is always better. If telling someone the truth will hurt them but will hopefully help them as a result, if they can handle the truth, a truth is always better.
