Cheating...

[neo-dragon]

You're right, flushing out old sperm is a fertility benefit, and the other effects are benefits of orgasm. But since we can't all have safe sex with a committed partner on a regular basis, masturbation is the safest and easiest way to have orgasms. As for prostate cancer, apparently regular ejaculation keeps the prostate healthy, and since, as you said, STIs can actually increase the risk of prostate cancer, masturbation is once again the safest way to ejaculate regularly.

So no, masturbation doesn't really do anything that safe sex with a trusted partner doesn't also do, but not everyone has the luxury of getting that every day.

[zeroguy]

Well, but aren't some of those benefits for orgasm, not necessarily masturbation? And flushing out old sperm isn't good for health, it's good for fertility. Not technically the same thing.

Wait, are we talking about the health of the man, or of the man's future children?

Just an anecdotal story that makes me question what I'll do when I have my own kids.

Just commenting on the whole anecdote. My parents/family/household* was similar to your situation, and I guess I'm rather... I dunno, shy, in that respect. Online, though, I can be a bit different, as you may have gathered by this thread.

Whether or not this kind of thing is portrayed in a positive light, if the parents mention it often it seems like it becomes something you think is common knowledge. Or a common misconception; in any case, commonly acknowledged. In my case where it's not really talked about... well, guys always talk about that stuff as kids, but never seriously that I can recall. Never really seriously now, either.

Those that talked about sex/sexuality/etc at home probably thought it was something normal that you could talk about with others. And later on, more normal to actually do. And if it's part of your daily conversations it just strikes me as more likely to happen anyway. So it's not something to make a big deal about with large commitments or whatever; it's just a casual part of life.

* Even Pweb (which I've sorta considered some kind of home) for the past N years, I think. Or maybe I just don't remember.

[Eddie Pinz]

The prostate cancer thing... well, it seems kind of backwards that masturbation is helpful. I thought (and I may be wrong) that it is only "beneficial" in the sense that STIs or other diseases can increase your chance of prostate cancer, so less intercourse may be the real issue here.

Just because you are having intercourse regularly, doesn't necessarily mean that there is less masturbation.

About the household thing. It was never really talked about, but I had the feeling that it was frowned upon(especially by my mom). So I was never open about it. I don't really think this affected my sexuality much. I was pretty popular with the girls from the end of elementary school and early high school. I became pretty awkward around them late in highschool and early college. Now, I am back to being pretty popular and much more confident and open about things. So, while I think that parents can make a difference in a child's sexuality, it is not always the case. The situations that I described above happened for a variety of reasons, with very little having to do with my parents.

[Luet]

Just because you are having intercourse regularly, doesn't necessarily mean that there is less masturbation.

I did some research and found this British study of more than 11,000 people:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/sites/entre ... h=17333329

Part of the results were that females who were having regular sex had a higher prevalence of masturbation, while males who were having regular sex had a lower prevalence.

I found a lot of the results very interesting.

[Gravity Defier]

Part of the results were that females who were having regular sex had a higher prevalence of masturbation, while males who were having regular sex had a lower prevalence.

I'm not surprised by this in the least.

[neo-dragon]

I'm not surprised either, but that's because women never really make much sense, and this is just the kind of counter-intuitive (read: ass-backward) behaviour I've come to expect from them.

[starlooker]

It makes perfect sense to me.

[Luet]

Any of you girls want to explain to neo why it makes perfect sense? I'll probably offend someone if I do.

[KennEnder]

It's not so difficult to explain, but I'll go from the opposite approach:

men are easy to please.

[daPyr0x]

I think guys being stereotypically bad and unable to fully please their partner in bed is part of the explanation that women's masturbation rises when having regular sex; but not all of it.

See, guys have a finite amount of times they can get off in a day/week/month before things get less pleasurable, and occasionally painful. So, as the number of times they have sex increases, they will masturbate less to fill that finite number.

Guys, as has been shown in previous studies (that I'm far too lazy to research now), think about sex a lot more than women do. We're constantly looking at breasts while wandering the mall or whathaveyou, arousal is pretty common. On the opposite side of the spectrum, though, women don't have that same phenomenon. Women don't stare at guys' packages and wonder what they got in there (unless it attracts their attention somehow, in which case they have a sock). Women stereotypically just don't get aroused as often in their day to day life. So, given that, their sex-free masturbation levels would be less than men.

However, once they start having regular sex, they're suddenly getting aroused more. They're seeing, and experiencing, things that arouse them more, and in turn they think about and remember their sexual endeavours more, and thus get aroused more outside of when their actually having sex, and thus masturbate more.

Makes perfect sense to me.

[starlooker]

Pretty much. Personally, when I'm not sexually active, I just don't think about sex as often. It doesn't really have to do with not being satisfied by my sexual partner -- quite the contrary.

[Eddie Pinz]

I pretty much agree with the sentiments above.

However, as someone who is in a semi-long distance relationship, I think that masturbation on both sides of the gender line increase. We usually see each other physically 2 - 3 nights a weeks, but we have some form of interaction every day. We usually talk on the phone. Most of the time we both get off the phone in need of a physical release. I'm not sure if that is the case in most long distance relationships but it is definitely my experience.

I don't really see it as the female not being satisfied. Because even if she isn't satisfied with the intercourse, there are other methods for her to be satisfied.

[Jayelle]

What Starlooker said...

[neo-dragon]

This seems relevant to this thread.

[Amka]

One thing that hasn't been discussed is addiction. I've seen relationships crumble from addiction to pornography. I've seen two divorces. Children losing their father. If you can't not use porn, then you're addicted.

Besides addiction, porn bothers me for a number of reasons. First of all, it exploits women. Any of you who would like to say it doesn't are turning a blind eye to the industry, for the sake of getting off. For every woman 'happy' to be doing it are 10 or more who are desperate for whatever reason.

Second of all, it objectifies women. It perpetuates the culture in which we must have airbrush perfect bodies to be beautiful. I have a friend who underwent a tummy tuck because her (now ex) thought her post-pregnancy tummy was ugly and a turn off. I don't know if he used porn or not, but even if he didn't, the culture of body perfect started when women started taking their clothes off for the camera.

Fantasy: Beautiful girl, wants you, right now. She doesn't care about any of the complicated emotional stuff, she's just hot for you. You don't have to control yourself around her. You don't have to be civil or nice to her. You don't even have to talk to her. Sex is easy.

The porn fantasy is easier than the reality. And if things are getting sticky in reality, then it is even more of a pull. Rather than working through it, go 'relax'.

Don't get me wrong. Cooling off is good, but turning to a sexual fantasy to avoid relationship reality doesn't help. One doesn't try to think of why the other person might be hurt or angry. They aren't feeling sorry if they did something wrong, or trying to understand and forgive if the other person did something wrong, or the combination (as is usually the case).

Saying that it has been happening through time immemorial doesn't make it good for the woman.

[zeroguy]

First of all, it exploits women.

Second of all, it objectifies women.

Beautiful girl, wants you, right now.

Um, who says all porn is of women? Or even for the porn that is of women, of real women? (for the first point up there)

Don't get me wrong. Cooling off is good, but turning to a sexual fantasy to avoid relationship reality doesn't help. One doesn't try to think of why the other person might be hurt or angry. They aren't feeling sorry if they did something wrong, or trying to understand and forgive if the other person did something wrong, or the combination (as is usually the case).

Yes, this and the bit about addiction you mentioned are what I was going for when I talked about too-deep immersion. (Or something. I think I mentioned that; if I didn't, I meant to.) It's about moderation; too much escapism is bad over many genres.

[neo-dragon]

Second of all, it objectifies women. It perpetuates the culture in which we must have airbrush perfect bodies to be beautiful.

To be fair, I think that there are women of all body types in porn, since there's pornography out there to appeal to pretty much every sexual fantasy one can think of. There's certainly a market for material featuring full-figured ladies, and where there's a market there's a product.

This is one criticism that I think applies to mainstream entertainment as much, if not more, than pornography.

[daPyr0x]

To preface, I believe the appropriate word would be obsession, as opposed to addiction. Addiction is based upon a chemical dependancy, such as alcohol or nicotine; where obsession would be something like gambling.

Besides addiction, porn bothers me for a number of reasons. First of all, it exploits women. Any of you who would like to say it doesn't are turning a blind eye to the industry, for the sake of getting off. For every woman 'happy' to be doing it are 10 or more who are desperate for whatever reason.

You're right, it does exploit women. I'd hardly say there are 10 times as many women who are doing it out of desperation than those who are doing it because they enjoy it, but the point is valid. It should also be added, though, that this is an issue of any sort of modeling jobs. Hooters girls, for instance, are hired as models purely so that it is legal for management to keep an eye on their physical appearance and fire them for changing it (ie. gaining weight).

In addition to that, like everything else in life it is still a choice that she is consciously making. I am ignoring the "black market" stuff that's done without full consent or whathaveyou, as that's wrong on it's own levels. Yes, it's exploitation of their desperation; but I'd rather see a young woman performing for a camera and making good money than whoring herself on the street corner, know what I mean?

Second of all, it objectifies women. It perpetuates the culture in which we must have airbrush perfect bodies to be beautiful. I have a friend who underwent a tummy tuck because her (now ex) thought her post-pregnancy tummy was ugly and a turn off. I don't know if he used porn or not, but even if he didn't, the culture of body perfect started when women started taking their clothes off for the camera.

Yes, it does objectify women. Again, this is true of most forms of modeling. You might as well go picket your friendly neighborhood Hooters for objectifying women for the exact same reason.

As far as the perfect body argument, you can't honestly tell me that you believe all that. Human beings have always seen some things as more attractive than others. People have always wanted to be seen as more attractive than the person next to them. People are insecure, people want to be better, etc. It doesn't matter how much media has been involved in someone's life, people are always going to lust over whatever qualities they find attractive in the opposite sex, and the opposite sex is always going to try to conform to that to be attractive to a prospective mate.

I think a lot of your argument is based upon some very specific experiences that you've had/seen. Personally, if I've hit a rough spot in a relationship, I'm less likely to use pornography. I mean, regardless of whatever aids I might be using, I'm going to end up thinking about my S.O. and if we're in the middle of a fight or something, it's not going to go over very well. Perhaps I'm unique in this sentiment, but it's not really fair to associate using pornography in your fair time as attempting to escape tough parts of a relationship. That may be something that some people do, maybe even most people; but not necessarily all.

I'm just being a devil's advocate here; personally I'm not terribly fond of pornography either for similar reasons to the ones that you mentioned, I'm just pointing out the flaws in your arguments.

[anonshadow]

To preface, I believe the appropriate word would be obsession, as opposed to addiction. Addiction is based upon a chemical dependancy, such as alcohol or nicotine; where obsession would be something like gambling.

That's not true. You can become addicted to something that isn't chemically addictive. Gambling addiction can be a big problem, and it most definitely addiction.

Addiction is when a particular substance, thing, or activity arouses compulsive behavior in doing it, even when doing it is creating negative impacts on your life.

Obsession is a little different--obsession is when a thought or an idea preoccupies a person on a continuous basis.

Obsession, in other words, is regulated to one's thoughts, and does not cause one to act in any particular way, though someone who is obsessed with another person may persist in trying to talk to them or bothering them. Addiction is a pattern of behaviors that one either cannot stop or has a very difficult time stopping, even when they are damaging your life.

[Dr. Mobius]

I'm addicted to obsessions and I obsess over my addictions. It's a vicious cycle.

[Luet]

Thanks for posting that correction Anon. You beat me to it.